YWN Coffee Room: Recent Posts

YWN Coffee Room: Recent Posts http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ YWN Coffee Room: Recent Posts en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 02:16:58 +0000 bein_hasdorim on "Crazy Shidduch Story" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/crazy-shidduch-story#post-112089 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:51:33 +0000 bein_hasdorim 112089@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ havesomeseichel; I agree with you, however, what onlyemes means to say, in my opinion, is that after the boy calls to thank her for the gift, and schmoozes with her & they shared a nice conversation, the boy or girl should've said hey, lets tell our parents they should look into this as a potential shidduch. Have it redt by his aunt as the shadchan, and finished, no heartache. when they decided to meet on their own, i'm not saying it was wrong, but this girl who is obviously using shadchanim who work under certain protocol, should know that it might affect her future prospects, and if she minds, she should've avoided meeting until they Kashered it out. mazca on "The Post-Shidduch Crisis" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/the-post-shidduch-crisis/page/2#post-112088 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:21:38 +0000 mazca 112088@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ Unhappy couples always existed with divorce or no divorce, people stay together because they are afraid of what the people are going to say and worry about their children shidduchim that doesn't mean it is the correct way, many children suffer in the house and see the bad samples of a bad marriage. Should a couple stay together for the sake of the people and children and have a misserable existance? It is a very big question, well I live in a catholic country and divorce is definitly forbidden by their church and I always think to myself the Torah is the wise one. Hashem knows that in certain cases divorce is necessary and our Torah allows it. So if Hashem through the Torah allows divorce why should we stigmatise divorce and divorcees. They need our love and help not our rejection if they went through a divorce is probably because they had a reason. Elliot1234 on "Cell Phones On Dates" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/cell-phones-on-dates#post-112086 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:27:31 +0000 Elliot1234 112086@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ Your right, it is very rude truthsharer on "Broken Engagements" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/broken-engagements/page/3#post-112084 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:09:31 +0000 truthsharer 112084@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ R' Moshe Feinstein thought so. cantoresq on "Cantorial Music II" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/cantorial-music-1/page/2#post-112083 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:08:11 +0000 cantoresq 112083@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ Kwartin did not sing the Eisenstadt Shomo. That was his own. Eisenstadt's was sung by Sirota first, then M.K. EDITED havesomeseichel on "Broken Engagements" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/broken-engagements/page/3#post-112082 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:06:34 +0000 havesomeseichel 112082@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ people should just remember that braking an engagement is better than divorce- for all parties involved. Divorces cause huge family rifts where many different families can end up involved. Also, if there will be children by the time of the divorce- nebech on the kids!!! It is awful for the parents to go through a divorce but it is worse for the children. Imagine growing up in a one-parent household. Imagine going from one parent to the other for yomim tovim and every other shabbos-the kids get caught in the middle. "tell your ____(mother/father) that...." and they wont talk to the other parent. "In your mother/father's house it might be ok to do that, but here we dont let kids behave that way...." What are they to do for "Mother-daughter" parties? Father-son learning at school? Parent teacher conferences? the girl's plays where the father is unable to go?? EVERY DIVORCE is messy. There are no clean divorces. Better to break an engagement than to go through that with kids. Feif Un on "Orthodox Jews" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/orthodox-jews#post-112081 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:51:57 +0000 Feif Un 112081@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ getzel1: Do you really think those things don't occur in the "frum" world also? Guess what: they do. There happen to be many honest people who aren't Orthodox Jews. There are also many low-lives who consider themselves Orthodox Jews (although they're obviously not - you can't be a low-life and be a frum Jew). The problem is that because we're supposed to set an example, people expect more from us. It also draws more attention when someone slips. It's the old case of man bites dog. WolfishMusings on "Chanukah Party Game?" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/chanukah-party-game#post-112080 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:44:48 +0000 WolfishMusings 112080@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ APushetaYid, Kids (and ages)? Adults? The Wolf WolfishMusings on "Broken Engagements" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/broken-engagements/page/3#post-112079 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:39:59 +0000 WolfishMusings 112079@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ That is why we do it @ the chupah. Which, I always felt, kind of made the whole thing pointless. But that's another argument for another time. The Wolf WolfishMusings on "The Post-Shidduch Crisis" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/the-post-shidduch-crisis/page/2#post-112078 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:38:46 +0000 WolfishMusings 112078@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ As usual, there is a middle ground that is being unexplored here. As some posters have pointed out, Shabbos is a time that should be spent with family -- especially the Shabbos meals. We all lead hectic lives and I know that, at least in my family, the Shabbos meal time is the one time in the week when we know that we will all sit at the table together and be able to enjoy each other's company. We, as a family, value that time. That being said, however, I think that if we had to have our family *and only our family* for company week after week after week with no other "new faces" to look at, we might eventually go stir crazy. So, once in a while, we may have "new faces" over for a meal. Perhaps a family with whom we are friends, my sister and her family, etc. We don't entertain (or go out to others) too often because we don't want to give up our family meal time either, but once in a while, it's nice to have a change of pace. Sometimes, it almost becomes a tradition -- there is one family that we usually have over on the last day of Pesach -- we joke that we are their "gebrokts dealer." Bottom line, I suppose, is this - we can't envision entertaining (or being entertained) every week. We need our family time. But, on the other hand, if we *never* had guests (or went out), then we would fall into a rut which is also bad. So once in a while (perhaps once every other month or once a quarter), we have guests in or eat out. For us, that's a nice balance. The Wolf gavra_at_work on "Broken Engagements" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/broken-engagements/page/3#post-112077 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:18:09 +0000 gavra_at_work 112077@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ jewishandworking22: Look at SA that MM & I brought. That is why we do it @ the chupah. jewishandworking22 on "The Post-Shidduch Crisis" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/the-post-shidduch-crisis/page/2#post-112076 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:09:58 +0000 jewishandworking22 112076@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ MM: Now you are just grasping at straws. I live in a community in NYC that is considered one of the more yeshivish places. Not one of my rabbeim, Roshei Yeshiva, or Rabbi's from any of the shuls would even hesitate to invite people from the community over to their house for a shabbos meal. He is inviting guests who are as religious as he is to his house and he goes to them because of kiruv???? (sarcasm)! jewishandworking22 on "The Post-Shidduch Crisis" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/the-post-shidduch-crisis/page/2#post-112075 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:05:21 +0000 jewishandworking22 112075@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ Jothar: According to a study done in 2007 by the IACP (International Academy of Collaborative Professionals): "Research done on the causes of divorce reveals that – * Lack of communication is one of the leading causes of divorce. A marriage is on the rocks when the lines of communication fail. You can’t have an effective relationship if either one of you won’t discuss your feelings, can’t talk about your mutual or personal issues, will keep your resentments simmering under wraps, and expect your partner to guess what the whole problem is about. * Divorces often happen because people rarely discuss their expectations in detail prior to marriage, are less willing to work on their marriages afterwards, and would like quick solutions rather than having to resolve issues. People have gotten divorced for trivial reasons like snoring. * People who come from divorced homes are more likely to get divorced than people who come from happily married households. Divorce seems less like a big deal if you have seen your parents go through with it. * People who get married between the ages of 23-27 are more likely to stay together than people who get married in their teens. * People who cohabit before marriage have higher rates of divorce than people who didn’t cohabit before marriage. * In many cases, quite a few of the problems that cause divorce have existed in the couple’s relationship long before they got married. The problems were either not acknowledged or were ignored in the fond hope that marriage might offer a miraculous panacea. And, guess what, it doesn’t. Nobody can make you feel better about yourself and you can’t change and save anybody. As someone wise once said, it takes two wholes to make a marriage, not two halves." Mezonos Maven on "The Post-Shidduch Crisis" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/the-post-shidduch-crisis/page/2#post-112074 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:01:21 +0000 Mezonos Maven 112074@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ He may be doing that for Kiruv purposes. altermirrer on "Cantorial Music II" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/cantorial-music-1/page/2#post-112073 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:00:13 +0000 altermirrer 112073@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ the shommo vatismach which kwartin sings is that Eisenstadt original and Moishe modified it / P.S. i forgot Wieder on the frum list. jewishandworking22 on "The Post-Shidduch Crisis" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/the-post-shidduch-crisis/page/2#post-112072 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:53:54 +0000 jewishandworking22 112072@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ YOUR posek. NOT mine. And since my Rav invites over couples from around the neighborhood to his home for shabbos meals, I have my "halacha and how our Poskim interpret it" telling and showing me that it is acceptable and preferred to have guests over (whether they live ion the neighborhood or not, or they are my friends or not). altermirrer on "Cantorial Music II" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/cantorial-music-1/page/2#post-112071 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:53:50 +0000 altermirrer 112071@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ davie i share your appreciation for modim from rappaport however im perfectly content with Kwartin singing ribono shel oilom[hotzoas sefer tora]Adler might do a nice job but its tailor made 4 zawel .it makes me wonder how rozo dishabbos would sound sung by SIROTA im curious how u like eilu dvorim [not the way moishe sang it ]yanky55 you can take a lot of pieces into a dark room just make sure to come out. shabbat shalom A.K.A. A GITTEN SHABBOS jewishandworking22 on "Broken Engagements" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/broken-engagements/page/3#post-112070 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:49:42 +0000 jewishandworking22 112070@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ MM: Sorry to write this, but you did NOT bring down any sources claiming that "Tnayim" have any halachic ramifications. You brought a story that shows that breaking an engagement causes a lot of embarrassment, and that maybe one should be put into cherein (which was argued by Wolfishmusings) but never did I see any place or halachic reference that you brought down that stated that "Tnayim" have ANY halachic ramifications. Mezonos Maven on "The Post-Shidduch Crisis" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/the-post-shidduch-crisis/page/2#post-112069 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:46:13 +0000 Mezonos Maven 112069@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ Our individual perceptions of "logic" take a backseat to halacha and how our Poskim interpret it. Shikur on "Parve Shalosh Seudos recipes" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/parve-shalosh-seudos-recipes#post-112068 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:45:41 +0000 Shikur 112068@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ Fruit soup, salads, salmon. jewishandworking22 on "The Post-Shidduch Crisis" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/the-post-shidduch-crisis/page/2#post-112067 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:42:15 +0000 jewishandworking22 112067@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ MM: Your right. Let me rephrase. LOGICALLY "inviting friends over for a shabbos meal might not be the best way to accomplish hachnosos orchim, but you still get the mitzvah." jewishandworking22 on "Should BMG Have A Say In Lakewood Politics?" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/should-bmg-have-a-say-in-lakewood-politics#post-112066 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:40:57 +0000 jewishandworking22 112066@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ MM: "99.999% of those who moved there in the last 50 years, did so due to BMG." That might have been true 15 years ago, or even ten years ago. But now (in the past decade) most couples go there because it is a thriving jewish community, much of that thanks to BMG (not arguing that it made the town in to a thriving jewish community). However, most families go there for the cheap housing, for the camaraderie of their friends that moved there. NOT because they want anything to do with BMG. BMG, might be the nucleus of the jewish town, but if you go 10 blocks away from BMG, then you will find a plethora of families that want nothing to do with BMG. EDITED Mezonos Maven on "The Post-Shidduch Crisis" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/the-post-shidduch-crisis/page/2#post-112065 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:38:54 +0000 Mezonos Maven 112065@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ It is always best not to assume. altermirrer on "Cantorial Music II" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/cantorial-music-1/page/2#post-112064 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:38:02 +0000 altermirrer 112064@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ cantoresq i dont know if SHOMER shabbos means shomer mitzvos or not even so is someone who sings on a mic a SHOMMER shabbos? THE RESPONSA IGROS MOSHE cites 5 reasons to forbid it the AGUDAS HARABONIM formerly banned it and no shomer shabbos shul has a mic don' mean to be offensive just to clarify aryeh3 on "Orthodox Jews" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/orthodox-jews#post-112063 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:36:34 +0000 aryeh3 112063@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ The story was about some Conservative Jewish women who would wrap tefillin and wear tzitzit and conduct prayer services at the Kotel. My understanding is that they were asked to go daven somewhere nearby, since they were causing a disturbance for the regular minyanim at the Kotel. Some of these women forced the issue and ended up getting the police involved, and then the news media reported an arrest. The Kotel is controlled by an Orthodox rabbinate, who do not recognize the Conservative Movement's egalitarian minhag. This is what this is about. The secular Israeli society (whom YNET represents) judges the Orthodox halacha as oppressive towards women, and views all Orthodox Jews as backward and chauvinistic. IMO, this is not a problem of rude, arrogant or other negative behavior by Orthodox Jews, but is a clash of values between religious and secular segments of Israeli society. jewishandworking22 on "The Post-Shidduch Crisis" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/the-post-shidduch-crisis/page/2#post-112062 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:35:09 +0000 jewishandworking22 112062@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ MM and Gavra: If i am not mistaken, the rema is talking about only those cases where hachnasos orchim is being use so one can be lenient on certain halachas in regards to shabbos (you might want to check the whole rema on the subject). Furthermore, the mishna berura adds to the rema that one can invite others that do not live outside the community into his house once he has ONE guest meeting the criteria. Therefore, I have to assume that inviting friends over for a shabbos meal might not be the best way to accomplish hachnosos orchim, but you still get the mitzvah. Mezonos Maven on "Orthodox Jews" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/orthodox-jews#post-112061 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:17:35 +0000 Mezonos Maven 112061@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ To translate Rochelle for our English speaking brethren (not zoicha to the mamme loshon): "The truth hurts." smalltowngirl on "Parve Shalosh Seudos recipes" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/parve-shalosh-seudos-recipes#post-112060 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:17:12 +0000 smalltowngirl 112060@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ In the colder months I like to have a crock pot of a pareve soup for shalosh seudas, served with a salad. Rochelle on "Orthodox Jews" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/orthodox-jews#post-112059 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:12:14 +0000 Rochelle 112059@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ Just-a-guy: You dont need to yell emes- emes- emes... but as they say - dee emes shtecht... Mezonos Maven on "Should BMG Have A Say In Lakewood Politics?" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/should-bmg-have-a-say-in-lakewood-politics#post-112058 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:11:33 +0000 Mezonos Maven 112058@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ The 35 Jews who lived in Lakewood before Rav Ahron? 99.999% of those who moved there in the last 50 years, did so due to BMG. EDITED Mezonos Maven on "Broken Engagements" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/broken-engagements/page/3#post-112056 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:08:03 +0000 Mezonos Maven 112056@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ jewishandworking22 said: "(I can be wrong, it won't be the forst or last time)...views that are not held by many people." It is completely irrelevant what the "views that are not held by many people." The ONLY relevant point is halacha. See the poskim I quoted on the previous page of this thread. Tnayim most certainly do have very serious halachic ramifications. Just-a-guy on "Orthodox Jews" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/orthodox-jews#post-112055 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:06:06 +0000 Just-a-guy 112055@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ Emes or not, you don't get someone to see that it is emes by yelling emes, emes, emes! jewishandworking22 on "Should BMG Have A Say In Lakewood Politics?" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/should-bmg-have-a-say-in-lakewood-politics#post-112054 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:03:39 +0000 jewishandworking22 112054@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ Jothar: Actually I know of a lot of baal habatim that moved to lakewood for the cheap housing and the jewish community (which was there before BMG), not for BMG. Therefore, if you moved there for reasons other than to be a part of BMG, you have every right to "criticize the yeshiva for encouraging people to vote in a way that benefits it". jewishandworking22 on "Broken Engagements" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/broken-engagements/page/3#post-112052 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:01:22 +0000 jewishandworking22 112052@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ MM: Again, Tanayim as mentioned by everyone but YOU, have no hlalchic ramifications! Further, even if you do think that tanaim have halachic ramifications (I can be wrong, it won't be the forst or last time) most litvish people do tanaims at the chupah. You are still reiterating your point throught views that are not held by many people. anon for this on "Mothers-in-law" http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/mother-in-laws#post-112051 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:59:25 +0000 anon for this 112051@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ mybat, you may be better off if you share less information with her. When my children were very young, I used to call my mother-in-law after their check-ups to let her know how much they weighed & how they were doing. Once I called her after my son's check-up & she asked me if I had allowed him to receive the MMR (measles-mumps-rubella) vaccine. When I told her that he did receive it, she told me it would probably make him autistic, since she knew someone whose child stopped talking shortly after receiving it. Most of my children started talking late, and my mother-in-law knew I was concerned about that, so I did not find that comment helpful. But I did learn to stop discussing my children's health & development with her.