http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/tags/shidduchim YWN Coffee Room » Tag: Shidduchim - Recent Posts en-US Fri, 12 Mar 2010 23:46:02 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/search.php http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/4#post-122692 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 18:26:34 +0000 volvie 122692@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Naaaaa... </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/4#post-122689 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 18:08:02 +0000 boredjewishguy 122689@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>"Hey...is that me you guys are talkin' about? Hhhmmm...."</p> <p>Well, you are the one who said you're crazy... </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/4#post-122684 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 17:54:59 +0000 smartcookie 122684@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Hey...is that me you guys are talkin' about? Hhhmmm.... </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122666 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 15:41:35 +0000 boredjewishguy 122666@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>"Not the only crazy one?"</p> <p>Volvie, what's the question, she said she was crazy, I'm not gonna call her a liar. There must be other things she does that make her "crazy". </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122651 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:13:38 +0000 volvie 122651@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p><em>You're definitely not the only crazy one</em></p> <p>Not the <strong>only</strong> crazy one? </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122621 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 09:58:15 +0000 boredjewishguy 122621@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>smartcookie: Personally I don't think silence being comfortable or normal really requires that much closeness. Even if it did, I would think you should be that close before getting married. I guess it really depends on your dating style. You're definitely not the only crazy one, talking about silence doesn't even seem that crazy to me. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122616 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 08:21:12 +0000 smartcookie 122616@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>True, while dating you are definitely supposed to have some comfortability, but so comfortable that silence should feel absolutely normal? Hhhmmm. I guess it depends on individuals.<br /> Funny that you also discussed the silence.I thought I was the only crazy one. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122609 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 01:54:58 +0000 boredjewishguy 122609@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>smartcookie: I disagree with you. They are dating to get married, they absolutely should be comfortable with each other (way) before they get married. Personally I think it's normal to be that comfortable with silence after just a couple of dates and even on a first date you don't have to be talking the whole time, even though the silence is awkward. I have discussed the silence with a date before and it did make me feel more comfortable. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122602 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 00:10:19 +0000 smartcookie 122602@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>MYBAT- I disagree with you. A date is not supposed to have comfortable silence. That would mean that the boy and girl are becoming a bit too comfortable with each others. At this stage (while dating), they shouldn't become so comfortable with each others that silence should feel normal. I just don't think it's right.<br /> Another thing, what do you say to discussing the silence? Like, I hope you don't mind the silence but its ok with me if me don't speak every second...I think that would make both of them feel comfortable with the silence. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122593 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 22:41:36 +0000 mybat 122593@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Boredjewishguy<br /> If you don't feel awkward during the silence, your date probably doesn't feel awkward either so don't force conversation but you can say something to break the silence if you feel uncomfortable. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122590 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:56:38 +0000 boredjewishguy 122590@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>"If you have comfortable silences on dates its probably a very good sign!"</p> <p>How do you know if a silence is comfortable or awkward? This may sound like a weird question, but I'm serious. I've been told that if you feel comfortable or awkward, your date probably feels the same way. I know that I have ruined some comfortable silences before by trying to force conversation b/c I thought my date might not be comfortable with the silence. So my question is, is it worse to have awkward silences or to force conversation possibly ruining a comfortable silence? </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122577 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:49:37 +0000 volvie 122577@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>mybat: Exactly. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122567 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 17:34:09 +0000 mybat 122567@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>If you have comfortable silences on dates its probably a very good sign! </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122558 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:22:54 +0000 anuran 122558@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>So girl's should be more outgoing and vivacious.<br /> But she's disrespectful if she speaks before being spoken to.</p> <p>She's got poor shidduch prospects if she's "quiet".<br /> But she has the most to lose in the ongoing crisis if she steps out of line.</p> <p>No matter what she does, she's in trouble unless she's a mind reader. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122543 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:51:22 +0000 boredstiff 122543@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>its one thing if its a comfortable silence,but if its awkward every time- it probably aint the one! </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122541 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:25:02 +0000 boredjewishguy 122541@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Volvie: On dates? I know it's normal, but they don't call them "awkward" silences for nothing. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122531 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:39:06 +0000 volvie 122531@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Quiet time is normal and to be expected (and cherished.) </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122488 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:40:34 +0000 smartcookie 122488@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Oh I believe you!! I've had quite a few of those awkward silent moments when we couldn't find what to say(and neither of us is too quiet).<br /> Now the problem is that we don't have the time to talk!!! </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122487 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:31:05 +0000 Mrs. Doubtfire 122487@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>I'm not implying that there is anything wrong with a moment's silence. That was just my nervous self. It's always good to think before you talk. Just to put you at ease so you can sleep tonite - have no fear. My husband and I ARE on speaking terms b"H. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122484 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:22:08 +0000 smartcookie 122484@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>And what is wrong with a moment silence. You don't need to speak every second. Take a minute to think. After all, you're two new people that are TRYING to find what to talk about to each others!! If only people would learn to act like their honest self on dates... </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122483 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:17:08 +0000 Mrs. Doubtfire 122483@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>"No one has yet answered *why* it's disrespectful for the girl to start talking first.</p> <p>The Wolf "</p> <p>I can't answer that. I was nervous that there would be an awkward silence and so I started talking before my husband had even a second to collect himself. And I'm so not the yabbermouth person. I was just nervous. Never even heard that the boy starts first. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122471 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:52:45 +0000 WolfishMusings 122471@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p><em>Probably the fourth or fifth circle, would be my guess.</em></p> <p>That high? Wow! I was certain it was the ninth or deeper. :)</p> <p>The Wolf </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122470 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:47:10 +0000 ronrsr 122470@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>&lt;&lt;Oh well... I wonder what circle of the netherworld I'm going to go to because I allowed Eeees to speak to me first...&gt;&gt;&gt;</p> <p>Probably the fourth or fifth circle, would be my guess.</p> <p>And, what about the quiet guys? In some cases, if the girl doesn't speak first, no talking will be done. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122466 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:34:22 +0000 WolfishMusings 122466@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p><em>Perhaps because halachicly a wife has to listen to her husband.</em></p> <p>That works both ways... כֹּל אֲשֶׁר תֹּאמַר אֵלֶיךָ שָׂרָה, שְׁמַע בְּקֹלָהּ</p> <p>The Wolf </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122463 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:09:21 +0000 smartcookie 122463@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>WOLF: in the chassidishe circles it's very different. The boy and girl just meet once or twice for a very formal talk.<br /> Automatically, if the conversation is kept formal(so not to bring closeness between a boy and girl), then the conversation doesn't flow too good.<br /> Therefore, it has been accepted that the boy starts, and the conversation continues from there. Otherwise it would be awkward to meet and just wait until one starts to talk. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122460 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:00:36 +0000 AKA47 122460@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Girls should be taught to be more outgoing and full of life rather that to be a shayna maidel and be quiet and secluded they"ll have more friends throughout the school years and it will definitely benefit when they are of shidduch age. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122459 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:57:12 +0000 volvie 122459@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Perhaps because halachicly a wife has to listen to her husband. And a king goes before a queen. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122458 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:52:26 +0000 WolfishMusings 122458@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Why is it the "accepted thing" that the boy has to start the conversation?</p> <p>The Wolf </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122455 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:36:15 +0000 WolfishMusings 122455@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p><em>Wolf: Doing something improper is disrespectful.</em></p> <p>I don't agree... but it's not worth arguing the matter.</p> <p>The Wolf </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122454 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:31:38 +0000 volvie 122454@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Wolf: Doing something improper is disrespectful. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122448 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:04:04 +0000 WolfishMusings 122448@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>No... that may make it improper, but not disrespectful. There is a difference between the two.</p> <p>Oh well... I wonder what circle of the netherworld I'm going to go to because I allowed Eeees to speak to me first...</p> <p>The Wolf </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122447 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:00:10 +0000 smartcookie 122447@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Wolf- its disrespectful because its the accepted thing that the boy starts. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122446 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:51:41 +0000 WolfishMusings 122446@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>No one has yet answered *why* it's disrespectful for the girl to start talking first.</p> <p>The Wolf </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122444 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:49:46 +0000 Bodek 122444@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>This Co-worker of mine is from a ultra, ultra orthodox - read- chassidish community.</p> <p>she said she started laughing quietly when the boy (now her husband) started with the vort - she thought it was funny that he was following all the "rules." It was not much of a conversation starter, but it definitely broke the ice.</p> <p>I agree that this would not work for most people... just FYI... </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122440 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:24:26 +0000 smartcookie 122440@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>BODEK- in chassidishe circles boys do not start with a 'vort'! Please!!<br /> It is true that the boys starts the talking but no dvar torah! </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122438 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:19:07 +0000 volvie 122438@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p><em>In more heimish circles it is the accepted thing for the boy to start the conversation. For the girl to start would be pretty disrespectful.</em></p> <p>It isn't just like that in heimish circles. This is also true in yeshivish circles and frum sfardic circles (i.e. Ateret Torah.) </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122430 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:16:29 +0000 AZOI.IS 122430@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Bodek, your sitch definitely only applies to Chassidish singles. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122401 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 11:51:39 +0000 WolfishMusings 122401@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p><em>good luck finding someone else to argue with...;)</em></p> <p>Was my question of "Why is it inherently disrespectful for a girl to start a conversation?" so out of line and unreasonable?</p> <p>The Wolf </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122400 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 11:49:56 +0000 Bodek 122400@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>I give up! I'm getting back to work now... good luck finding someone else to argue with...;) </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry/page/3#post-122399 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 11:45:45 +0000 WolfishMusings 122399@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p><em>In more heimish circles it is the accepted thing for the boy to start the conversation. For the girl to start would be pretty disrespectful.</em></p> <p>Why is it inherently disrespectful for a girl to start a conversation?</p> <p><em>Yes, i know this is quite extreme, but it just proves my point...</em></p> <p>No, it only shows that it perhaps applies in a specific subculture of Judaism. It does not prove your point across the board.</p> <p>The Wolf </p>