http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/tags/shidduchim YWN Coffee Room » Tag: Shidduchim - Recent Topics en-US Sun, 12 Feb 2012 07:08:38 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/search.php http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/funny-shidduch-stories#post-41562 Sun, 08 Feb 2009 20:09:52 +0000 Belev Echad 41562@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Forget the angst and negativity about shidduchim. Anyone have any funny things, incidents happen to you or someone u know on a date?</p> <p>I'll start: this poor boy backs into the driveway on the first date....and backs into the girl's father's car!....and had to knock on the door and explain to the father exactly what he just did!! funnily enough, it didn't harm the shidduch and they got marrried! </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/binah-shidduch-issue#post-115869 Sat, 02 Jan 2010 17:38:17 +0000 hello99 115869@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>What did you think of the article in this week's Binah magazine about older singles. The implication was clearly that the source of the problem is not age-gap related etc, rather personal to the individual single. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/who-are-the-quiet-girls-supposed-to-marry#post-120201 Tue, 23 Feb 2010 09:03:39 +0000 AZOI.IS 120201@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>In recent years, being quiet wasnt considered a handicap. </p> <p>At the present time, having 12 couples dating now through me, and having just made a Shidduch, I can confidently state that I have my finger on the pulse of Shidduchim.</p> <p>It's a hardship to get guys to date quiet girls in the first place, and when they do, the guys reject them most of the time. When comparing notes with other Shadchanim, they agree. Lively guys most often want lively girls and quiet guys want lively girls most of the time as well. Girls get a reputation of being either, with few in-betweens. I've found this applies all across the board- learning guys, college guys....</p> <p>What I've been experiencing lately, is that the quiet issue is even more problematic than the weight issue. If a guy has "fun" with a slightly overweight girl, he might continue dating her. If a girl is a size zero and quiet, she wont get a second date. Heaven help, if she's a size 8/10 or larger and quiet....</p> <p>When the quiet girls are told that they should be more assertive and fun, they're very sensitive and it often makes things worse. They develop a complex. </p> <p>Other than Daven, what should a quiet girl do? </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/enough-talk-on-shidduchim#post-118978 Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:27:06 +0000 dunno 118978@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>The shidduch crisis is constantly being discussed in the frum world. As a single in shidduchim, I can assure you that's it's not appreciated amongst most people. Friends of mine have told me that they wouldn't feel nearly as much pressure to get married if they weren't always hearing about the crisis. Many singels jump into a marriage without being 100% sure that's it is their bashert because they are scared to become another statistic. We all know of the increase in divorce rates among young couples. On behalf of many singles, please stop. We all know of the problems contributing (yes AZ, every one of us has heard of the age gap) to the so called crisis. If you have a "solution," fine, but most discussions just go in circles with everyone blaming everthing instead of coming up with an answer. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/stop-blaming-the-boys#post-107618 Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:28:22 +0000 demosthenes 107618@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Dear frantic people who fill their time on this world by trying to find reasons for problems rather than find solutions, (i.e. most of you who are reading this now). I would like to tell you a story about a brother and sister. As the older brother sat quietly in his room playing with his block/legos/knex which ever one you played with depending on how old you are ( I know I forgot erecter sets, but come on those are just nerdy, I’m not gonna make fun of Lincoln logs though cause those are just cool, I mean come on they can hold a whole city together with just two grooves, but I digress, wait before I digress which genius in the architecture department was accidentally transferred to the toy floor, okay now I digress) his younger sister came into the room and knocked down what he was building and ran out, the older brother being patient and kind calmly picked up his blocks and started to rebuild, after 5 minutes his younger sister came back in and again knocked down his architectural masterpiece, after the fifth time of this happening the boy who was just 10 years old lost his cool and punched his sister in the face. The mother heard the cry and ran in, saw the little girl crying and immediately assumed that her brother was the culprit when in reality the little girl was long overdue for a punch in the face.</p> <p> I think what I’m trying to say is that girls have been digging there own shidduch crisis hole for quite some time. While boys are going to yeshiva and slowly but surely maturing (to the best of there limited abilities) girls are lining up at the shaddchuns door from as early as age 18 (Even before the end of shana bet) so they can find there bashert who happens to always be the best guy in Lakewood. If the would just hold their proverbial horses for another two years this whole shidduch would go into the back pages of history along with the cold war and the Cuban missile crisis. So please, stop trying to think of new rules for guys to follow, rules that are just beating around the bush so many times that there is a moat around it. Instead tell your daughters and talmidos(t) to wait until they reach the ripe “old” age of……wait for it…..20, to start looking for that perfect Lakewood guy. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/learning-vs-working#post-118805 Sat, 06 Feb 2010 22:48:33 +0000 fan of pd 118805@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Why should someone want to marry a learning boy? i know the reason...but if someone has to explain to someone else why they think kollel is the way to go-how should they explain it and debate it? </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shidduch-shaila-help#post-119069 Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:32:33 +0000 zimby 119069@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>I have a very important shaila to ask about a shidduch. Does anyone know of a shidduch hotline or a Rabbi to call where I could remain anonymous? </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shidduch-i-want-they-want#post-118707 Wed, 03 Feb 2010 20:13:44 +0000 Shidduch Solution 118707@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>I want ....They want ....<br /> I want a learning guy ... My parents want a college boy... or I want a college boy... and they want a learning guy.<br /> We find many times that singles and their parents are not looking for the same in a Shidduch. How is a single or their parents supposed to try and find a Shidduch if a Shaddchan calls a parent and the parent says that the single is looking for something else than what the single really wants?<br /> The Shidduch World Staff<br /> <a href="http://www.shidduchworld.org" rel="nofollow">http://www.shidduchworld.org</a><br /> 732 534-4539<br /> P.S. If you know of anyone in need of a Shidduch, please refer them to us. Our service is free. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shidduchim-meshugas-or-acceptable#post-115385 Mon, 28 Dec 2009 15:18:13 +0000 yiddeshekup101 115385@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>I recently heard of a shidduch that was rejected from the boys side. The reason the boys parents said no (after initially saying yes) was not because the girl wasn't right for their son (she has the right yeshiva, seminary, camps, hashkafah, etc.) but rather the shidduch was rejected because one of her teenage brothers is in college and doesn't go to Yeshiva or have a regular seder (the boy is 19). The brother is Shomer Shabbos and Kashruth and overall has good midos. Learning "isnt for him" so he doesn't sit in a seder to learn.</p> <p>My question is should a siblings behavior impact the making of shidduchim? And if you think it should, then why? </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shidduchim-and-outside-people-helping#post-117553 Fri, 15 Jan 2010 03:29:29 +0000 speaktruth 117553@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>I was wondering how many other "older" singles get helpful, yentaish, insulting, or humoruous advice from strangers off the street or people who don't know you and the situation... </p> <p>This is a poem I wrote. </p> <p>I really care soooo very much about you</p> <p>So, anything you need, my dear, I will do.</p> <p>I promise! I'll tell everybody in town<br /> You don't look too well..... yes, you look kind of 'down....'<br /> Depressed! Yes that's it! Yes, that's what it MUST be,<br /> For you're an old maid, almost (gasp!) TWENTY THREE!!!<br /> Since I care about you....<br /> Yes, please let me help. Let us look at your weight<br /> My goodness! Gevald! I saw how much you ate!<br /> And just because I care so much about you....<br /> I'll give you advice. This is what you must do:<br /> Stand Straight!! Fix your hair! And please---talk much more Aidel!!!<br /> You MUST learn to act like a true Kalah Maidel.<br /> I care about you, so I must tell your mother:<br /> a boy’s side investigates. Oy vey! Your brother!!<br /> Oy yes! You must hide him deep inside a box.<br /> For, I heard that he wears the wrong color socks!<br /> Since I care about you....<br /> Please-- were you were toiled trained at two? or three?<br /> The apple, they say, falls not far from the tree,<br /> And thus, all your children, well,..... they'll do the same.<br /> Please realize that I have a most crucial aim.<br /> Which tricks have you played, ever since you were one?<br /> I need this to learn-- what's your idea of fun?<br /> Since I care about you....<br /> I'm going to tell everybody I meet<br /> the 'juice' about you, even what's on your feet.<br /> For, see, well............... your heels-- they are just NOT in style.<br /> And so, an 'elite' bachur's not worth your while.<br /> Since I care about you....<br /> I'll tell everyone this advice that I've shared,<br /> And you'll see: more yentas out there really care! </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/singles-over-the-age-of-25-should-deal-directly-with-the-shaddchan#post-115539 Tue, 29 Dec 2009 19:28:53 +0000 Shidduch Solution 115539@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Being the owner of Shidduch World, I find that many times when I call parents of a single older than the age of 25, they are not fair and honest in what their daughter is looking for. I have had many times that the parents wouldn't let their daughters or son's date, yet when I spoke to the boy/girl directly they agreed to date.<br /> I would think that at this age a single should be able to speak up for themself, as well as make their own decisions in what to look into, and in what to compromise on.<br /> I would appreciate your ideas on this. Am I correct in thinking as such?</p> <p>Moshe Silberstein<br /> <a href="http://www.shidduchworld.org" rel="nofollow">http://www.shidduchworld.org</a><br /> 732 534-4539 </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/where-are-all-the-boys#post-113720 Wed, 09 Dec 2009 20:25:23 +0000 happy girl 113720@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>If you are looking for a shidduch everyone always says call the shadchan. That does seem work in the more "yeshivish" crowd (aka.....learning boys). However, the more "modern" boys (aka...the ones with a college degree)don't go to shadchanim in their 20's. I spoke to many people who are very involved with shidduchim and they all say that the working guys in their 20's just don't come to them. They have many girls in their 20's and no one to match them with. the guys only go to shadchanim in the 30's. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shidduchin-as-a-business#post-105935 Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:05:22 +0000 jewish and working 22 105935@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Back in my parents day, and even my older brothers time, there was no such thing as a "resume". There was no such thing as "how much to pay the shaddchan". When a child decided to date, he told his parents and they asked around if there were any girls/boys that might fit the description of what their kid was looking for in a spouse. There was no "resume" with a history of every minor detail about the kid that was dating. Nor was there a set "fee" that was expected. It was all done as a favor, a mitzvah, a plain good old fashioned good deed between people who knew each other.</p> <p>My question is as follows: When did a shidduchim, which was a simple "helping a friend/neighbor out" (a mitzvah), turn into a full fledged business that included resumes and fees that rival anything that is seen in the corporate world? </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shidduch-incentive-to-solve-crisis#post-94850 Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:25:34 +0000 itshenchy 94850@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Does anyone know if there is still an organization (was it NASI) that gives money to a Shadchan who does a shidduch where the girl is older than the boy, or the girl is above a certain age? </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/list-of-shidduch-offers#post-76505 Sun, 24 May 2009 06:33:45 +0000 aggadah99 76505@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Is there an accepted way to handle a number of offers that come within a short period?<br /> You get redt a shidduch, but then it turns out they're actually working through a list.<br /> Eventually you have a list of your own of people you've checked out, said yes to and haven't heard back from. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shidduchim-and-commitment#post-80503 Sun, 07 Jun 2009 09:09:15 +0000 AZOI.IS 80503@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>I've been involved in Shidduchim for longer than I want to admit, as a Shadchan. I observe some boys and girls commiting within the first five dates, and others still looking for a Shidduch, five or more years later. </p> <p>I dont think anyone feels that those who commited within the first five dates, were very lucky and found someone they clicked with quicker than those who keep on looking for years. My mother A"H always said, a Shidduch is Basherte, BUT you have to do your Hishtadlus and be openminded, or you can push away your Basherte.</p> <p>I see boys in Shidduchim, who in their older thirties are still looking for certain type of families, even if the girl, by their own admission, is just what they are looking for, even if the family type isn't so different from their ideal. I've seen girls who in their 30's are looking for a with-it guy, while these girls look and dress like Seminary teachers. I've heard of good learning guys who speak of inappropriate topics on dates, so they'll get rejected, no matter how many times they get reminded not to. I've heard of girls spending the bulk of their dates talking about the Shiurim they go to and how they love their Rebbetzins. These are just examples of my theory below. I have many others.</p> <p>I think some people are behaving aand thinking in a way that prevents them from getting married, because deep down they really don't want to get married. It's their subconscious tactic to stay single. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shidduchim-tips#post-41002 Sat, 07 Feb 2009 21:09:22 +0000 dunno 41002@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>instead of constantly complaining about the shidduch crisis, why don't we do something about it? i think we should get tips from boys/girls about what they liked/disliked about certain situations on dates. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/what-do-i-wear-on-what-date#post-40824 Fri, 06 Feb 2009 13:44:55 +0000 Belev Echad 40824@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>please don't brush this off with a "dont worry what u wear, just be yourself" line because my nerves can NOT handle that right now.<br /> i need some good old fashioned advice.<br /> dates number 1 and 2 were in a hotel lobby, so i dressed more dressy.<br /> do i dress dressy on the 3rd too?<br /> is the 3rd date typicaly also a lobby date?<br /> what number date do you get more casual and nix the lobby?<br /> heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelppppp! </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/out-of-the-mailbag-a-parents-involvement-in-a-childs-shidduch#post-40051 Thu, 05 Feb 2009 01:24:41 +0000 YW Moderator-99 40051@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Dear YWN,</p> <p>Im writing this in the hope that parents who read this will open their eyes a bit.</p> <p>I am a young married woman and am putting much effort into redding shidduchim for my single friends. I truly believe that people in my stage have a sort of obligation to help make shidduchim as I know the girls and my husband knows the boys.<br /> Baruch Hashem, many of my friends have already found their bashert, aside from one who I am particularly close too. She is a top girl with literally every maalah. There are suggestions practically pouring in for her; the best boys in every Yeshiva. The difficulty lies in that she is from a litvishe home and would like a slightly more Chassidisha boy and is therefore not interested in the boys being redt to her. Her parents, though, insist that their family isnt chassidish so why should she marry a chassidishe boy? My friend is not a fly-by-night type of girl. She takes life very seriuosly and has thought about this a lot. She honestly wants a Chassidisha boy.<br /> As it happens, my husband has a good friend who is a top boy and is perfectly suited to my friend as far as chassidishness goes. The boy and his parents are extremely interested in the shidduch and so is my friend. Her parents, though, do not understand why they should agree to a chassidisha boy when their family is litvish and there are so many good litvishe boys waiting to meet her. My friend tried many times to explain to her parents that this is the type of life she really wants to lead but they do not seem to understand.</p> <p>It hurts me that many such parents are not taking their childrens needs into account by listening only to shidduchim that are suited to them and not to their children. They need to focus on what type of partner their child needs for life, not what passes for their family name. Why should they care if their daughter marries someone a bit different than them? Their children are the ones getting married- not them!Their children have to be happy and comfortable in the marriage. Dont they see that?</p> <p>I know that everything that happens in a persons quest to build a home is directly from Hashem. I wonder, though, if parents need to open their eyes a bit more and take their of-age children a bit more seriously. They are mature adults that have considered carefully what direction they want their life to lead. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/wannabe-shadchan-sounds-off#post-20230 Mon, 22 Dec 2008 13:07:15 +0000 Y.W. Editor 20230@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Received via email:</p> <p>Dear Fellow Yidden,</p> <p>Alot has been spoken about over the years about the "shidduch crisis." What are people doing to help older boys and girls of marriageable age? Do you know how painful it is for parents to see their children just get older....the phone rings less and less....all to no avail?</p> <p>I would like to bring a different aspect to "light"....(it's that time of year) and get some reaction. </p> <p>I have tried many times to "red shidduchim" to older singles. Too many times, I don't get a call back from the prospects, or worse....at times I am made to feel like they are doing me a favor by listening to my suggestion. Whatever happened to the simple mentschlichkeit of responding to the shadchan "thank you so much for thinking of me, but it's not for me?" If you ignore the person who thought of you and tried to set you up, don't you think that by not getting back to the shadchan, it's a sure way of the shadchan losing interest in you?</p> <p>Now of course you will tell me "when I tell the shadchan that "it's not for me" they try to convince me that it is! It's better just not to call them back! I have two comments;<br /> 1) Maybe the shadchan does have some insight into why he thinks it is for you, and it is worth discussing. (Maybe you heard wrong information about the other side.)<br /> 2) If you really did your homework and feel that it is definitely not for you, hear the shadchan out and tell him "thank you for keeping me in mind, but it is not for me." </p> <p>Too many times, I have said to myself "I've got enough of my own problems, I don't need to add so and so to my list!" I know it's not the right attitude, but hey......it's really hard to partner with G-D....and after all is said and done..... Kosheh Zivugin K'Krias Yam Suf - I don't know how to swim.....so if my idea was a bad one, I don't want to drown!</p> <p>May everyone find their basherte and A Freilichen Chanukah to all!!</p> <p>A Concerned (wannabe) Shadchan </p>