http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ en Sat, 18 May 2013 11:11:05 +0000 http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-400012 Mon, 13 Aug 2012 20:39:34 +0000 No One Mourns The Wicked 400012@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Yes, you are totally misconstruing my words. I was referring to the explanation that OneOfMany is referring to.</p> <p>Getting an opinion of a friend/rav on a particular issue is definitely advised! having a friend scooth out the girl after 1 date and then presuming to call her a liar when she rejects....that's a bit much. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399686 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 19:22:02 +0000 Curiosity 399686@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Absolutely no hard feelings. Misunderstood your tone, sorry :-) </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399656 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 17:54:26 +0000 OneOfMany 399656@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Curiosity: Whoa whoa - I wasn't trying to start any debate. I was just trying to clarify what NOMTW was trying to say. Nobody cares whether we agree or not. So no hard feelings, okay? :) </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399646 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 17:32:37 +0000 welldressed007 399646@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>pardon my asking but what qualifies you as experts in determining this shiddich's validity or not.Our world is full of eitza gebbers, if there is a need for a professional, then consult one, you could do more harm than good, if a person is old enough to get married then they get to make the ultimate decisions as well. Daven to H-shem and be positive and things will crystallize for you very quickly. Old wives tale, if you you to convince yourself to like someone it is not for you, to explain why someone is for you is also not necessary. Hazlucha meruba. Simchas by alle Yidden </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399628 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 16:24:26 +0000 moskidoodle 399628@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p><em> Why does anyone take this OP seriously? </em></p> <p>I know, right? They're probably just another mod name, lol. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399624 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 16:10:37 +0000 Curiosity 399624@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Oom, this is a really silly thing to turn into a debate. If you need to be "right" so badly, I can pretend I agree and let you "win". </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399618 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 15:29:12 +0000 OneOfMany 399618@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>I know. Seriously. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399604 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 14:46:26 +0000 Englishman 399604@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Why does anyone take this OP seriously? </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399600 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 14:35:42 +0000 mommamia22 399600@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>It sounds like you didn't even attempt to give her the benefit of the doubt.<br /> You're questioning her character, when part of having a sterling character means being Dan lekaf zchus. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399597 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 14:28:50 +0000 oomis 399597@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Stay out of it, my friend. You have clearly already pre-judged the situation negatively by calling the girl a liar, when you know zero about her personal life. She could have already made plans for Friday night, or maybe when she goes out on Shabbos lunch, she doesn't like to plan also for the night before. Maybe she does not know you well enough (despite knowing your wife)to want to be a guest in your home after only beginning to date your friend. Don't be so quick to label her. You might be right, but more important, you are probably wrong and can mess this up for your friend. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399574 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 12:28:37 +0000 mewho 399574@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>perhaps once she found out you guys are friends with the guy she dated she does not want to come for a meal because she feels she will be put under a microscope.<br /> my advice, BUTT OUT </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399566 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 11:58:02 +0000 OneOfMany 399566@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Curiosity: It was implied. I'm sure NOMTW will tell us what she meant when she comes back. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399523 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 09:37:41 +0000 Curiosity 399523@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>OOM. It could be that's what she meant, but that's not what she wrote. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399509 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 07:17:53 +0000 WIY 399509@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>More<br /> Is it appropriate for a young recently married guy to be checking out single girls for his friends? Doesnt sound all that kosher. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399485 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 01:20:35 +0000 OneOfMany 399485@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Okay, so they're an immature mentor figure then... </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399484 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 01:17:18 +0000 YW Moderator-42 399484@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>OOM, perhaps this friend is his "mentor figure". </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399481 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 00:44:22 +0000 OneOfMany 399481@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Okay, but I think you are misinterpreting what NOMTW was trying to say. I think she was labeling getting a friend's opinion, and in that manner, as immature - not the idea of seeking advice b'chlal. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399473 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 00:07:54 +0000 Curiosity 399473@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>OneOfMany, I never said anything that disagreed with that. NOMTW came out against seeking advice in shidduchim, labeling it "immature". All I said is that second opinions in general are very important; I didn't discuss from whom. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399467 Sat, 11 Aug 2012 23:41:15 +0000 OneOfMany 399467@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Curiosity: There is a big difference between discussing a shidduch with a Rav/parent/mentor figure and having your friends stage a rendezvous so they can give you a second opinion. I think that the latter is not a very good way of going about getting advice. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399460 Sat, 11 Aug 2012 23:24:54 +0000 Curiosity 399460@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>NOMTW - I strongly disagree with your first premise. Getting a second opinion is <strong>very</strong> important, and does not show a lack of maturity. Farkert, it shows maturity in that you are willing to take into consideration the advice of others and that you don't arrogantly look at yourself as an expert on everything.</p> <p>There is a Torah shmooze on Nadav &amp; Avihu, the sons of Aaron, that states that if they had consulted with each other before bringing in the aish zara they wouldn't have went through with it, and their lives would have been spared. It's interesting because they both did the exact same action, and they did it together. You wouldn't think that simply speaking out what they were doing to one another would have made a difference, but chaz"al teach us that it would have made <em>all</em> the difference. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399456 Sat, 11 Aug 2012 22:58:30 +0000 tajikpashut 399456@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>Maybe shes not interested in going away in mitten shidduch,sorta like the closed types. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399441 Sat, 11 Aug 2012 22:38:22 +0000 No One Mourns The Wicked 399441@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>First of all, why does your friend need your opinion on the girl? If he's mature enough to get married- he should be mature enough to make his own decisions, &amp; certainly not have his friends scootch her out...</p> <p>Also, before calling her a liar, perhaps she made plans in the hours between the date and your wife calling her? Perhaps she's tired and doesn't want to eat out, perhaps she's uncomfortable?</p> <p>Before you potentially ruin a shidduch, think a bit. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399438 Sat, 11 Aug 2012 22:34:48 +0000 WIY 399438@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>More<br /> Uh maybe she feels uncomfortable you should give people their space. </p> http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-give-shidduch-advice-question#post-399430 Sat, 11 Aug 2012 22:14:02 +0000 more 399430@http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/ <p>my friend went out with a girl last night. and wants my opinion on her. Since my wife knows her, we invited her for a shabbas meal for this coming week, and she said she's already booked out.. I know she's not since my friend that dated her last night said she's available for next week shabbas day lunch. </p> <p>should I give the benefit of the doubt or tell my friend she's an outright liar! </p>