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1. Luckiest
   Member

   I think its time i took my turn airing out my own personal views opinions and ideas:)
   Unfortunately fertility issues are definitely out there and as you grow older the 'stories' just keep coming.It pains to hear of the many couples going childless for years, maybe me more then others because i feel that there is an option that our community fails to take hold of due to wrong stigmatizing. Adoption can be wonderful. It can be normal healthy happy and bring you lots of yearned for nachas. I know because ive been there. Bh my husband and i have raised a fantastic bas yisroel who is married to a great guy and they are building a new family of there own. we had no therapists no angry teenage years (besides the regular teen growing pains)no spiritual issues, mental issues or anything crazy out of the ordinary bh. Ive heard many who say they are afraid adoption is just an exchange for the problem of infertility. It does not have to be that way. Give yourself and someone who needs you a chance.

   Posted 6 months ago #

2. mommamia22
   Member

   kol hakavod that you posted this. May you have continued nachas always.

   Posted 6 months ago #

3. moi aussi
   Member

   There are many Jewish couples who would love to adopt, but there are very few Jewish healthy babies available for adoption.
   There are also people who are concerned about Yichud. After a certain age a son cannot remain alone with his mother, and a daughter cannot remain alone with her father.
   How did your husband feel about this?

   Posted 6 months ago #

4. Luckiest
   Member

   Rarely was it that my husband and daughter were the only ones home at night(day time not a problem as long as the front door was unlocked) There were times that i went out of town and she slept out. Those few and far between times really arent the main point its the time we have as a family that matter. I dont think yichud is the reason people nix the idea. Its the stigma and the feeling of were giving up on a 'real' kid now. I have both bh so I can honestly tell you that the love for an adopted child is just as real and true.

   Posted 6 months ago #

5. zahavasdad
   Member

   Rav Moshe allows yichud between an adoptive parent and a child

   Posted 6 months ago #

6. BTGuy
   Member

   Adoption is a great option for many people. There are a lot of people who can love an adopted child no less than a biological child. I know a few families where this is the case and even one where the two adopted children are adults and on their own and still are very much interactive with their adoptive family to where you would never know. It depends on the parents. Sadly, someone being a biological parent is not a slam-dunk on being a nurturing and loving parent. Also, there are step-parents who are way more awesome than any members of the biological family in devotion and love. Based on all this, there is no one rule to go by, and it all depends on the people involved.

   Posted 6 months ago #

7. SG345
   Member

   I know childless people that have adopted and then had kids.

   Posted 6 months ago #

8. umm
   hmmmmm

   Lots of people would love to adopt, but can't afford it. It's VERY expensive.

   Posted 6 months ago #

9. adorable
   Thin people are beautiful but fat people are adorable...Jackie Gleason

   beautiful

   Posted 6 months ago #

10. 2scents
    Mint and Raspberry

    First, I gather from your post that you are not a young person, as you have adopted and married off the child.

    which means that there are treatments that are now available which were not available when you were seeking help.

    Second, you have a tremendous zechus, actually its a never ending chain of zechusim, as the child is who she is because of what you put in to her.

    Third, if anyone thinks about adopting, it should be discussed with a ruv or someone capable of understanding the situation.
    there are a few sad situations which I know that the child never knew that they were adopted, the results were disastrous.

    Posted 6 months ago #

11. passfan
    Member

    2scents:
    What happened that was so disastrous?
    At the leatest the child has to find out eventually by bar/bas mitzvah (if they weren't born Jewish).

    Posted 6 months ago #

12. adorable
    Thin people are beautiful but fat people are adorable...Jackie Gleason

    i had a girl in my elem class that was never told that she wasnt a jew and when she was 18 her parents told her (she knew she was adopted but thought she was jewish) and she chose not to convert. horrible situation!!!!!!!!!

    Posted 6 months ago #

13. nitpicker
    Member

    zahavasdad wrote:
    Rav Moshe allows yichud between an adoptive parent and a child

    Can you source this?

    Posted 6 months ago #

14. Luckiest
    Member

    2cents Every becomes who they are because of their parents, themselves, Hashem, and other role models and circumstances throughout their lives. An adopted child is NO different.
    Doesnt anyone understand???
    Why do people see adopted children as outsiders and chessed cases?

    Posted 6 months ago #

15. yitayningwut
    Bruno Michel Iksil

    nitpicker -

    R' Moshe is in E.H. Vol. IV 64:2.

    zahavasdad -

    It is not a davar pashut. It is a big machlokes and it should be noted that not every rav will pasken like R' Moshe.

    Regardless, I fully agree with the point of the OP.

    Posted 6 months ago #

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