YWN Coffee Room

YWN Coffee Room » Shidduchim

1. yeshivabochur123
   Member

   Whenever I go out theres always a lot of akward silences and I am never able to make conversation flow. what am I doing wrong?

   Posted 3 months ago #

2. yahud
   Member

   same here. Some of us are just not good naturel conversationalists, lets just face it, i got married anyway.

   I am sure that you have plenty maalos against that fact,i mean, by me thats how it works. lol

   Posted 3 months ago #

3. AinOhdMilvado
   Member

   Don't just talk. Ask the other person about themselves. What do they do? What are their interests? What do they hope to do in the future? What is important to them?
   Some girls may be very shy, but not all are. Get them started talking about what interests THEM and they may not ever stop.

   Posted 3 months ago #

4. BTGuy
   Member

   Hi yeshivabochur123.

   That is part of the territory. Kinda accept there will be silences and try not to sweat them. She also may feel the same about the silences.

   Just know it is normal since you are getting to know someone new.

   It is always good to maybe look around and comment on something going on in the moment.

   Maybe make believe you may have just seen a UFO and then move into if she believes in UFO's and life on other planet. It may sound silly, but the point is, I guess, to spend time and see if you both can grow closer in time.

   Think of some things that are interesting to you and prepare some questions ahead of time based on those things. Expect things to be choppy and know it's ok. And if she works with you and you see she is also wanting the conversation to flow, that is a good sign.

   Hatzlacha!!

   Posted 3 months ago #

5. oomis1105
   Member

   Don't ever ask yes/no questions of the other person. A good conversationalist is a good listener who asks open-ended questions of another person. For example, do not ask, "Do you like to eat cholent on Shabbos?" Ask, "What ingredients do you think should absolutely be in a really good cholent?" Or, "Do you like to read?" is not as good a question as, "What types of things do you like to read about?" "Why?" What is your idea of an ideal vacation? You get my drift. The idea is to ask involving, engaging (pun intended) questions that demand a thoughtful and not one-word anwer, so you can dialogue together.

   Posted 3 months ago #

6. BTGuy
   Member

   lol @ oomis @ pun intended.

   (It is so rare we get a chance to use that line)

   Posted 3 months ago #

7. uneeq
   Member

   I heard a tip to keep the conversation moving.

   Talk about the JIFS.

   Job: What jobs you have had, will have, want to have etc.
   Israel: Experiences, politics, terrorists and yeshiva/seminary
   Family: Family members, weddings, etc.
   Summer: Experiences, what you have done/will do etc.

   It worked for me!

   Posted 3 months ago #

8. coffee addict
   Once killed a Troll with his bare hands

   Yeshivabochur,

   I'm for sure not a talker and people said no to me because of that, however I did get married in the end.

   I think when the right time comes you just feel comfortable with the other person so much so that they don't mind you not talking

   Posted 3 months ago #

RSS feed for this topic

Reply

You must log in to post.