January 12, 2018 11:18 am at 11:18 am #1448621
talking to my brother in law making a bar mitzvah next year. Caterer asking 60/person minimum 150 people ($9,000). Hall and mashgiach – another $1,000. shtick, photography, schnitzel brothers, musician – another 5-10 grand. that’s $20,000. Shabbos Kiddush, Friday night meal and Shabbos meal, waiters, party planner to decorate hall, clothing, hats, tfillin another $10,000. total cost 30kJanuary 12, 2018 12:24 pm at 12:24 pm #1448659
Ridiculous waste of money.
My kids made a Bar Mitzvah celebration for their son in September. Thursday morning minyan in Shul. Herring, kichel, coffee, cake, whiskey, one waitress, paper goods, linens, etc. $300
Sunday afternoon open house at home to celebrate for about 100 family and adult friends fleishige buffet. $1500. 12 kids went bowling with the Bochur Motzei Shabbos $200
Cost of Tefillin isn’t part of the equation because they are needed even if their is no simcha. We also buy a tallis
I fixed a few typos. Hope I got it rightJanuary 12, 2018 12:54 pm at 12:54 pm #1448671
I have made numerous bar mitzvah celebrations and including all costs never came close to $10,000 (caveat – grandparents paid for the tefillin). I don’t know where your BIL lives but we paid anywhere from $18 – 25 per person for the catered weekday seuda (included all the fees except waiters and we limited the guest list). Photographer. One man band. What’s “schnitzel brothers”? Why do you need a party planner? Shabbos kiddush – usually $9 – $10 per person. How many people you having for the Shabbos meals? Clothing – The Hat Box has a special to outfit Bar Mitzvah bochrim. Tefillin – depending on your hidurim $800 – 1500. Bar Mitzvah Teacher?January 12, 2018 12:54 pm at 12:54 pm #1448672
Tell him not to be so fancy. What a waste of money. He could make the whole Bar Mitzvah on Shabbos and it’ll cost far far less.January 12, 2018 12:59 pm at 12:59 pm #1448676
Bar Mitzvah Teacher?
Are you kidding? How could anyone afford a Bar Mitzvah teacher after all those expenses?
He could make the whole Bar Mitzvah on Shabbos and it’ll cost far far less.
How could he have a photographer and band on Shabbos?January 12, 2018 1:14 pm at 1:14 pm #1448685
Made three BM in last few years
All different places
Never more than 8kJanuary 12, 2018 1:51 pm at 1:51 pm #1448697
Mazal Tov!January 12, 2018 1:59 pm at 1:59 pm #1448712
DaasYochid ☕ParticipantJanuary 12, 2018 3:54 pm at 3:54 pm #1448725
Talking about apples and oranges….depends on your income, local minhagim (invite everyone in the shul for the luncheon or just to a “Kiddush” with lunch reserved for the family/friends, whether lunch is table service or buffet etc. For a formal lunch, the $30K estimate is not unreasonable for upscale kosher caterer with large family/friends invited. Obviously, the norm is much lower in NYC area…typical $7000-$10,000 max for buffet lunch in shul verus renting a simcha hall nearby.January 13, 2018 8:41 pm at 8:41 pm #1448742
The B”M’s of very frum families cost in the range of $3,000 – 4,000, ghd. You must be referring to Reform and Conservative b”m’s.January 13, 2018 8:42 pm at 8:42 pm #1448741
Yes, it is apples and oranges.
There is no reason to go into debt and spend beyond your means to impress others.
We certainly could afford the over the top celebrations, but think they are in bad taste and not good for the community as a whole.
OOT it is most common to hold the affair in the shul social hall which cuts cost. A weekday morning Bar Mitzvah is less expensive than a Shabbos event and typically will have far fewer shul members in attendance.
It is the policy in our shul that all members are invited to a cold kiddush after Shabbos services hosted and paid for by the Boy’s family. It is held in the vestry or library. Then, invited guests only attended a full luncheon in the social hall. Motzei Shabbos were typically parties for the young people only.
This is a far cry from the affairs of my childhood during the Baby Boom. My eldest brother’s Bar Mitzvah was a three day event on Labor Day Weekend for 500 guests…BUT it was 50% business guests of my father and paid for by his business. It was a chance to entertain guests with Kosher meals and entertainment not generally available in our town.January 13, 2018 9:17 pm at 9:17 pm #1448831
GH- Sorry but it is not apples and oranges. Even outside of NYC this is excessive.January 14, 2018 8:57 pm at 8:57 pm #1449316
Are you kidding? How could anyone afford a Bar Mitzvah teacher after all those expenses?
I’m willing to bet that, with a little work (assuming you are in a large enough community), you can find someone to teach the Haftorah (and maybe even the laining) on a reduced-fee (or even free) basis.
The Wolf (who, in almost thirty years of teaching has never turned away a student for lack of money — but do you really want an apikorus like me teaching your twelve year old?)January 15, 2018 2:41 am at 2:41 am #1449336
Wolf; Why do you call yourself an apikorus? Do you wear red shoes or something?😉January 15, 2018 5:28 am at 5:28 am #1449397
start saving up for your child’s wedding or bar mitzva 5 years before, even if its only $50 a month
its time for people to start thinking out the FUTURE & not just about now & wasting thousands of dollars on unnecessary desires versus needs like food & clothing. sure you can take a family vacation but 3 times a year when your budget is tight? thats insane, instead save it towards your next child Bar mitzva or weddingJanuary 15, 2018 10:55 am at 10:55 am #1449489
wolf: I too give “bar mitzvah lessons” and B”H never had to deal with an issue of a parent telling me that they can’t afford my fee. I have been told numerous times that I charge less then most other teachers in my community.January 15, 2018 11:43 am at 11:43 am #1449513
iac & Wolf: What is your rate?January 15, 2018 12:27 pm at 12:27 pm #1449582
I charge $1,000,000 but I collect far less.January 15, 2018 1:44 pm at 1:44 pm #1449614
iac & Wolf: What is your rate?
I don’t have one. They are free to give me whatever they want. And if it’s 0, that’s fine too.
The WolfJanuary 15, 2018 1:44 pm at 1:44 pm #1449616
bar mitzvah lessons (parsha and haftorah) are typically $65 for 35 min once a week for a year before the bar mitzvah = approx. $3kJanuary 15, 2018 2:05 pm at 2:05 pm #1449645
GC: I collect flat fees: haftorah only $450. Haftorah with maftir $500. Full leining an additional $500 – $700.January 15, 2018 2:05 pm at 2:05 pm #1449647
and I do not give lessons starting a year before. I plan 8 -10 months for most bochurim and some have taken even less time then that.January 15, 2018 7:40 pm at 7:40 pm #1450509
The Torah commands us: If you got it, flaunt it. And if you don’t got it, borrow it.
Oh, vait. It doesn’t say that.January 16, 2018 9:26 pm at 9:26 pm #1451277
“bar mitzvah lessons (parsha and haftorah) are typically $65 for 35 min once a week for a year before the bar mitzvah = approx. $3k”
Maybe in your neighborhood, not in ours.
Bar Mitzvah lessons come along with synagogue dues, here in suburban CT. They are taught either by the shul Rabbi or Educational Director (the Talmud Torah principal who deals with the members who attend public or private non-Yeshiva schools). It is customary to give the teacher a $300-500 gift at the end of the teaching. Takes about 6 months twice a week for an hour. The initial Trop classes are held for all Bar Mitzvah boys in the shul as a group. Haftorah and leyning of the specific parsha is private.
Our grandsons’ day schools teach the trop to all 6th grade boys as part of regular classes.
In my day, one went to the local Hebrew Book Shop and bought a 78RPM record and the Parsha/Haftorah booklet for about $10 a set. The shul Shammos gave lessons Tuesday nights and Sunday afternoons for about $1 per lesson. My zeidy taught me and my sons. I have taught 2 of my grandsons , the others have been taught by my SILs’ fathers..they didn’t want a Litvak (Tayrah) pronunciation.January 16, 2018 9:28 pm at 9:28 pm #1451292
Just want to point out that there is no chiyuv to lain.
It’s a nice minhag, but a very recent minhag. From what I can tell it’s not encouraged in Israel. Even in America I know of shuls that don’t allow it ( for various reasons . Including many are concerned that due to inexperience and stage fright the boy will lain from memory and not from the klaf)
It certainly makes sense to spend more on laining then the gashmius . But if finances are a concern, then don’t do it.
I gave my kids the options. One chose not to do it another did part of it. Another did the whole thing.January 17, 2018 7:35 am at 7:35 am #1451375
mentsch1: I agree with you. I was just surprised it wasn’t mentioned as most bar mitzvah bachurim lein the haftorah.January 17, 2018 7:51 am at 7:51 am #1451383
(Awaiting moderation)January 17, 2018 8:02 am at 8:02 am #1451387
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