As both mother and teacher I have seen in recent years an increasing desire to fit in at all costs. Is this passsed on by parents desperate to get kids married off or to fit into their desired social group. Or is it coming from the young?
What happened to individualism in the jewish community, what happened to having your own style, ideas and guts? What happened to the individual?
don't you know? being an individual is not tznuis!!! people might stare or look at you!!!!!
I think it stems from jealousy and a lack of self worth, and is caused by people needing to have a sense of superiority (which comes from immaturity), as well as severe peer pressure. All bad things. I always try to be an individual, and I'm glad that my mom encourages me to.
Oh, and I'm glad to see you back here, tahini!
I think it has a lot to do with the parents and shidduchim. If someone is a little bit different- they are labeled right away and their prospects for a "normal" shidduch are thrown out the window. Today, we live in a world where it's all about fitting a mold.
Middlepath thanks for your welcome!
Do indeed agree with Middlepath about lack of self-worth as well as BludgerGold about a fear of not fitting into the mold.
Reason for my post or perhaps it is something of a rant was the pressure I see on people to conform.
Bygirl93 your point was clearly made and understood, " being an individual is not tznius!" I am not suggesting people dress in a provocative way or speak inappropriately, just let people be themselve and not pressurise them to fit in no matter what. Why would decent jewish people stare at someone different, that is not good middos and actually not very tznius.
In my classes at college I see lovely young frum kids who feel pressure to conform to the point where the girls all dress the same and speak with the same ideas when together! But wait, alone in a tutorial you can suddenly hear a voice of original thought, often totally absent in group discussion amongst other frum Jews.
We serve one G-d and follow one Torah. Our goal is to get back to Matan Torah or chanukas Beis Hamikdash, when we were all one and there was no machloches. We do everything we can to keep foreign influences out. This gives an advantage to conformity. Also, according to our recent history, non-conformity is a slippery slope that leads to less Yiddishkeit, more assimilation and intermarriage r"l, etc.
Hi tahini,
There is no smarter community than ours. Along with that comes a few "know-it-alls". And part of being a "know-it-all" is that you must make the effort to voice your view and influence others.
This trait can be found, though, in all circles, and it is one that individuals have to learn to handle. There is always pressure to go with the crowd.
I noticed at a certain point during my yeshiva education when conformity lishma became a "Jewish" value, and in some cases the overriding ikkar to the exclusion of everything including limmud hatorah. Baruch Hashem I'm out of there.
BT Guy you are right about our smart community, but that very smartness can cause problems. Sure there is always going to be a natural inclination to go with the flow but I guess I feel the sight of young and old feeling the pressure to conform has caused a significant number " to go off the derech",
Loyal Jew yes of course we need to observe one Torah and one halacha, but in reality there are a multitude of different groups and minhagim in orthodox Jewry. Real danger when young and parents feel they must fit in at all costs, at times fitting in with what is not Torah based but more " the done thing" in certain circles. Happened for centuries but now I think the number of kids " off the derech" is rising because sometimes these kids are the brightest of all, and the hypocrisy and emphasis on conformity for the sake of appearances wrongly gains priority over substance and true mitzvos, and often the brightest of young people can become the most cynical.
OK I am an old idealist, but seeing friends and students actually suppress their individuality for the sake of " how it looks " seems pretty sad.
The following was written about the Jewish community from many years ago.
Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for yourselves! You're ALL individuals!
The Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!
Man in crowd: I'm not...
Err, the brightest of all? Not quite. It is not the top of the class that goes off.
Haleivi Depends what one calls bright - top of the class and brightest are not always the same thing.
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