Middlepath thanks for your welcome!
Do indeed agree with Middlepath about lack of self-worth as well as BludgerGold about a fear of not fitting into the mold.
Reason for my post or perhaps it is something of a rant was the pressure I see on people to conform.
Bygirl93 your point was clearly made and understood, " being an individual is not tznius!" I am not suggesting people dress in a provocative way or speak inappropriately, just let people be themselve and not pressurise them to fit in no matter what. Why would decent jewish people stare at someone different, that is not good middos and actually not very tznius.
In my classes at college I see lovely young frum kids who feel pressure to conform to the point where the girls all dress the same and speak with the same ideas when together! But wait, alone in a tutorial you can suddenly hear a voice of original thought, often totally absent in group discussion amongst other frum Jews.