I just got this in my e-mail and had to share it.
LESS ON THE SHIDDUCH CRISIS
CRISIS is defined in the dictionary as “a situation that has reached an extremely difficult or dangerous point; a time of suffering”. In light of this we should not be describing the shidduch situation by referring to it as a crisis. In my opinion, the true definition of a crisis is sitting with a sick child or parent in a hospital, coping with severe financial problems and dealing with a young, pregnant, divorced daughter. . “Shidduchim” is NOT a crisis, it is a brocho! Boruch Hashem, we have children to marry off!
As a shadchan for the past 20 years, I am finding that the anxiety level of the parents, the girls and the boys has skyrocketed! Why are we doing this to our children? I know we live in times of recession and many people have lost their jobs but I assure you Rabosai, that the Ribono shel Olam hasn’t! He is still employed, busy today as he was 3000 years, being “mezaveg zivugim” He wants nothing more than to see kiyum klal yisroel.
There is no shidduch crisis anymore than there was 20, 50 or 100 years ago. Nothing got worse, the population has merely increased. More people means more children which means more shiduchim, that’s all. As a matter of fact, there is no shidduch crisis, there is a shadchanim crisis because there aren’t enough people involved in shiduchim. This results in overwhelmed and overworked shadchanim that cannot handle the volume of the calls. It’s like 30 people waiting on line in the bank and there are only 2 tellers at their windows. Why are all the other tellers out to lunch? And so I ask you, “Why can’t more people be involved in this “avodas hakodesh”? You don’t have to be professionally trained to think of a shidduch for your neighbor, all you need is a big heart that fargins “yenem” to be happily engaged,(even if you have 2 children at home that need shiduchim too). Think of others and the Ribono shel Olam will think of you!
Unfortunately, the media has done a real number on our young girls. Every article in every newspaper and every magazine focuses on the same issue…..The Shidduch Crisis! The media has accomplished nothing but create a generation of nervous wrecks. I get phone calls from frantic mothers that want names for their daughters who are coming home from Eretz Yisroel. These poor girls must have a date in place even before they have a chance to get over their jet lag. I know boys who were barely able to drive normally because they were so jet lagged but someone insisted that the first date had to be before Yom Tov. After all, someone else might grab the shidduch away if I wait until Chol Hamoed.
What has happened to us? What has happened to our Emunah? Have we stopped believing in the good old faithful “mezaveg zivugim”? We are a society gone mad and the results show for it. Never has there been a time with so many broken engagements, divorces and unhappy marriages. Parents are so anxious to “get it over with” that they are rushing their children into marriage prematurely. Nobody has time to stop and think, “Is this the best mate I can chose for my child? True, I got a yes from this boy (and it’s so hard to get one) but is this a good spouse for my child? Would he be my first choice or am I grabbing him because I didn’t get a yes from anyone better? In my opinion, THIS is the true crisis, rushing children into marriage because we, as parents are nervous that they will never get married. The crisis is a strong lack of emunah and bitachon in the Ribono shel Olam who created a partner for every neshama, 40 days before conception. True, it’s not easy. It never was and if Hashem wanted it to be, he would have sent every newborn down wearing a little bracelet identifying its future mate. But for reasons unbeknownst to us, he chose it to be a daunting task that is “kasha k’krias Yam Suf”.
I assure you that your shidduch will happen at the right moment, at the perfect time with the designated shaliach. The Gerer Rebbe once said with regard to shidduchim, “Hishtadlus is gut far di nerven,, tut a bissel un nochdem lozt ess tzu di aibishter”
I have a proposition to make to the media, the speakers and to all those involved in aggravating this nonexistent shidduch crisis. Stop talking about it so much, stop writing about it so much and change gears. Instead, try concentrating on strengthening our Ahavas Yisroel, on working on our bein adam lachaveiro, on eliminating machlokes, on speaking less loshon horah and last but not least, on the very sensitive topic called “fargining”. You have no idea how many a shidduch has been killed by those famous 4 words “I don’t see it.” Did the person ask you if you do? All they asked of you was to describe the girl but you in your infinite wisdom didn’t “see it” and therefore decided to play G-d. All those innocent words that killed potentially good shidduchim for others will eventually come back to haunt their speakers.
Yes, I am a shadchan, but guess what, so are all of you! Every single member of klal yisroel has not just the potential but the achrayus to be actively involved in this avodas hakodesh. I propose that we get to work and solve the Shadchan crisis once and for all.
Let us fill our newspapers with articles on Ahavas Yisroel, helping others, eliminating machlokes and speaking less loshon horah and in that zchus, I trust that the Ribono shel Olam will shower our children with beautiful, meaningful, long lasting marriages.