calling shidduch references

Home Coffeeroom Shidduchim calling shidduch references

Viewing 19 posts - 1 through 19 (of 19 total)
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  • #1318395

    rebshidduch
    Participant

    What do you say to references that you are calling?

    #1318402

    DaasYochid
    Participant
    #1318483

    lesschumras
    Participant

    Please tell me the truth

    #1318493

    Meno
    Participant

    Ask if the guy is normal. That’s may favorite question

    #1318516

    Joseph
    Participant

    Meno, should it be asked if the girl is normal?

    #1318537

    Meno
    Participant

    By definition, girls aren’t normal.

    In fact, most people other than me are not normal.

    #1318640

    DaasYochid
    Participant

    I finally figured it out. Me-no is short for “me normal”.

    #1318683

    apushatayid
    Participant

    You shouldnt say anything. You should ask questions and invite the reference to say something.

    #1318690

    Meno
    Participant

    You shouldnt say anything

    I fervently disagree. You should tell them who you are and why you’re calling.

    #1318721

    iacisrmma
    Participant

    I introduce myself and tell them why I am calling. I have had situations where the reference has offered a “narrative” while others wanted me to ask questions.

    One thing you may want to do is to call people who you know in that neighborhood and ask if they know the family. You may get better information then from the “official references”.

    I know someone who called a member of his family and only asked if he knew “Ploni” and the person responded “what a sweet boy”. Only then was he told that the caller was checking on “Ploni” as a potential shidduch for his daughter.

    #1318812

    Chaver
    Participant

    1. Ask them how the weather is.
    2. If they know of any good sales.
    3. How much they paid on their last water bill.

    #1318842

    Meno
    Participant

    How much they paid on their last water bill

    That is terribly rude. This is why there’s a shidduch crisis.

    #1318856

    ColumbiaGrad17
    Participant

    How about we abolish the ridiculous shidduch system and allow two individuals to organically meet on their own? (:

    #1318965

    apushatayid
    Participant

    “I fervently disagree. You should tell them who you are and why you’re calling.”

    Obviously. that is true of any phone call you make. The question is, what do you say after the introduction and my answer is, nothing. Ask questions and let them talk.

    #1318968

    Meno
    Participant

    Obviously. that is true of any phone call you make.

    I actually said that as a joke, but based on what iacisrmma said, it might be better if you don’t say why you’re calling.

    #1319111

    iacisrmma
    Participant

    Meno: That phone call I described was not to someone listed as the reference.

    #1319108

    oyyoyyoy
    Participant

    Lots of people didnt introduce themselves when calling about yours truly. Not right, they probably did it so I shouldn’t know who they were. What bothers me more than them not introducing themselves is that now i don’t who was calling about me 😉

    #1319110

    oyyoyyoy
    Participant

    How about we abolish the ridiculous shidduch system
    yup

    allow two individuals to organically meet on their own?
    hmmmm….. naaa

    #1322261

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    “I actually said that as a joke, but based on what iacisrmma said, it might be better if you don’t say why you’re calling.”

    The Chofetz Chaim says that’s assur. You are only allowed to ask for and to listen to information l’toeles if the person knows it’s l’toeles. Otherwise, he is doing an aveira by telling you about the person since he is not speaking l’toeles, and you are doing an averia by asking him for information since you are leading him to sin.

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