Calling uncles and aunts without using their title

Home Forums Family Matters Calling uncles and aunts without using their title

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 65 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #614017
    Joseph
    Participant

    Is it an unacceptable lack of manners? When we were children it was inconceivable to call or even to refer to an uncle or aunt without their title. It was Uncle Shimon, Aunt Heidi, Feter Zecharia, Tante Malkie, etc. If we’d dare say their first name alone our parents would give it to us.

    These days the coin seems to have flipped with children calling their parents siblings by their name alone.

    Yeridos Hadoros? Time to wash out their mouths with soap?

    #1136696
    Letakein Girl
    Participant

    Why is that yeridas hadoros? It shows that our generation is more comfortable with adults. That’s not necessarily a bad thing- it’s just different.

    Parenting styles that worked wonders thirty years ago could prove disastrous if used today, for this reason.

    #1136697
    ivory
    Member

    Chill! It’s not a terrible travesty! Each family has their own preference in this and if you want your kids to call them aunt uncle etc you introduce them that way so it’s natural. That’s all!

    #1136698
    ubiquitin
    Participant

    I’m so confused Isnt it up to the uncles and aunts in queston? If Uncle Shimon is comforatble being called “Shimon” are we to tell him too bad, lior says it is “unacceptable”?

    #1136699
    Chortkov
    Participant

    In my circles, there is a pretty clear pattern about this – the older the generation, the more chance of calling with a title. In my family, my fathers siblings are much older than my mothers (my father is youngest, mother is second), and we call all my maternal uncles by first name but paternal by Uncle/Aunt title. It is simply got to do with how casual the relationship is, and the younger they are the more casual (and automatically less respectful) the relationship is.

    #1136700
    screwdriverdelight
    Participant

    There’s no mitzvah to show respect to uncles & aunts.

    #1136701
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    I get offended when called a title by nephews/nieces.

    #1136702
    showjoe
    Participant

    yekke2: me too. on one side of the family where my uncles and aunts are older, we call them w/ titles, on the other side where my aunts/uncles are much younger, we call them w/o titles.

    #1136703
    cozimjewish
    Member

    Umm I’m seventeen, for goodness sake. That would be creepy.

    #1136704

    i have 2 agree letakein girl that our generation is more comfortable w/ adults but still its a lack of kavod not calling them by their title. What scared driver said theres no mitzvah 2 honor ur aunt or uncle i have no idea what he is talking about.

    #1136705
    showjoe
    Participant

    CIJ:???

    #1136706
    hodulashem
    Participant

    When I became an aunt at 13, my sister-in-law asked me if I wanted to be Aunt, Auntie, Tanta, Doda etc…. and I said “why can’t I just be Hodulashem?” She said that she called all her aunts and uncles by titles, and felt it was better for her children’s chinuch to do the same… She claimed that it’s ok for a 4 year old to call her 17 year old aunt by her first name, but when my niece would be 17 and I would be 30, it wouldn’t be so respectful anymore… I don’t remember what title I chose to make her happy, but long story shorter, my nieces and nephews usually just call me by my name and I prefer it that way! But hey, I’m only in my 20’s …I’ll let you know if I feel disrespected when I’m 30

    #1136707
    sirvoddmort
    Member

    As a very young prolific uncle, I was peeved by never being referred to by my proper title. However, the older of my nephews and nieces were hardly going to change overnight. So I took the initiative. I focused on the younger ones, and attempted to persuade them to call me ‘Uncle’. This tactic was largely successful, until one of them, being around 2, began completely mispronouncing it a ‘Uggle’ (whatever my name may be). Suffice it to say that this was very amusing, and years later, I find I am still called this by many of my family.

    May this be a lesson to all egotistical youngsters.

    #1136708

    i believe there is an extra letter or word in the posuk that chazel learn out that u should honor ur elders

    #1136709
    funnybone
    Participant

    When I was a kid I used titles. Most of my friends didn’t. I personally think they’re dumb; my kids don’t and I hate it when my nephews/neices call me with a title. But their parents insist, so I accept it.

    #1136710

    its lack of honor not to be called by ur title but if my nieces or nephews would not want 2 say it i have np with them not saying it.

    #1136711
    screwdriverdelight
    Participant

    moegreen: care to explain?????

    #1136712
    cozimjewish
    Member

    “CIJ:???”

    I would feel really weird if my nieces and nephews called me “Aunt” (especially the older ones) Makes me sound like an old lady! (No offence to old ladies but I’m seventeen and hardly think I qualify as one)

    #1136713
    showjoe
    Participant

    idk, im around your age, and while i dont have any nieces or nephews, i wouldnt find it “creepy” to be called “uncle”, though i would rather not be called by a title

    #1136714
    cozimjewish
    Member

    “idk, im around your age, and while i dont have any nieces or nephews, i wouldnt find it “creepy” to be called “uncle” “

    Precisely – you don’t have nieces and nephews……(I can just see the look on my fifteen-year-old nephew’s face if I asked him to start calling me “Aunt”……)

    Forget creepy, it’s just plain weird

    #1136715
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Alternatively bec lots of aunts and uncles today are very young themselves.

    #1136716
    showjoe
    Participant

    CIJ: oh i didnt realize that ur nephew was so old! that would b weird, very weird

    #1136717
    Letakein Girl
    Participant

    I know someone that is in the same class as her aunt. Lol, it would be really funny if the niece would call her aunt as such!

    Voddmart, I literally LOLed after reading your post. I like British humor!

    #1136718
    ivory
    Member

    British humor? Cuz there’s one funny person in England it’s British humor? Sorry, humour!

    #1136719
    sirvoddmort
    Member

    Perhaps not a ????, but definitely a ?????.

    #1136720
    sirvoddmort
    Member

    Oh, and thanks.

    #1136721
    Joseph
    Participant

    “There’s no mitzvah to show respect to uncles & aunts.”

    Rabbeinu Yona in Sefer HaYira 203 writes that one is obligated to honor their uncles and aunts. He makes a Kal VaChomer from the obligation to honor a stepparent. See also Sefer Chareidim Perek 12:3 and the Chida in Birchei Yosef.

    #1136722
    notasheep
    Member

    My three year old calls my little sister ‘aunty’. My sister is 12. And all my nieces and nephews call me aunty as well.

    #1136723
    cozimjewish
    Member

    Three years old is not fifteen years old…….also it largely has to do with what makes you comfortable…..I personally would feel really weird if even my three-year-old niece called me “Aunt”/”Auntie” etc.

    #1136724
    Baruch10901
    Participant

    This is a very curious observation though there are no rules, culturally or otherwise. AS a matter of fact I have never thought about it until this morning when I opened this site. IT doesn’t really matter much as my neices & nephews have come to know me and address me as the rest of the family does: my first name. To all of you folks out there in the Jewish blogosphere who have children of marriagable age or who are married already,it’s very important to set the stage to in laws and childrens spouses on how you would like to be addressed. If this is not carved in stone they will end up calling you nothing or ” hello” . My parents addressed there mechutanim as Mr or Mrs Shlepowitz which which I always thought absurd unless you are in your 40’s and the in laws are 70 something and Rabbi or Rebitzen in a big shul, Even than first names should be incorporated. Now to push the envelope IMHO to address a mother in law or father in law by first name is the way I would like it though that’s not the way it is in my family though I wish it were. Sorry to use this yeshivish site as my personal platform. And if the moderator deems it inappropriate and deletes it an blocks me out from future comments it’s also OK SHALOM

    #1136725
    SayIDidIt™
    Participant

    What if the Uncle/Aunt is younger then the Nephew/Niece?!

    #1136726
    TheGoq
    Participant

    I was much closer to my n/n than to their parents informality did not bother me.

    #1136727
    notasheep
    Member

    I can understand if the age gap is very small. However I think it’s important for younger children to give their adolescent and adult uncles and aunts their proper title. My brother and my husband actually have the same name so I insist on the title.

    #1136728
    sirvoddmort
    Member

    And assuming in future years some of my siblibgs’ offspring start regularly calling me Uncle, what do you suggest I do when I get one that’s older than me.

    #1136729
    ivory
    Member

    How do you suddenly get a nephew older than you? Or am I just not getti g the British humour?

    #1136730
    ivory
    Member

    And for the record this is not a new thing. We called our aunts and uncles by their first names without a title over 40 years ago

    #1136731
    cozimjewish
    Member

    sirvoddmort, I wouldn’t know. I don’t have any “siblibgs”. 😉

    (P.S – You forgot to sign off 🙂 )

    #1136732
    Joseph
    Participant

    ivory: That just means your Yeridos Hadoros was more advanced than most others… 😉

    #1136733
    Baruch10901
    Participant

    I am told in certain circles a man does not address his wife by her first name.

    #1136734
    sirvoddmort
    Member

    How do you suddenly get a nephew older than you? Or am I just not getting the British humour?

    Well, I am not going to be too specific, but take into account gender, and the marital age gap, and I’m sure you can work out how somebody who currently isn’t younger than any of their siblings’ children, could get a nephew older than them.

    Duke

    #1136735
    sirvoddmort
    Member

    I am told in certain circles a man does not address his wife by her first name.

    I just call them No. 1, No. 2 and ‘Carrot’.

    #1136736
    writersoul
    Participant

    I never called my aunts and uncles by titles- they were always called by their first names. I did grow up with a lot of respect for elders- my neighbors and friends’ moms were always “Mrs X” and my parents were incredulous when they heard that some of my teachers in sem want to be called by their first names (I still have something holding me back from using them)- but my aunts and uncles always preferred to be called by their first names only. Just as a parent can be mochel on their kavod in any ways, kal vachomer an aunt or uncle, no?

    #1136737
    notasheep
    Member

    As an aside, what do people think of friends’spouses calling you by your first name?

    #1136738
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    I had never thought about it until I got married and my husband never used my friends first names. It made me more conscientious about it and I think it would feel weird to be called by name by his friends.

    #1136739
    Joseph
    Participant

    “Just as a parent can be mochel on their kavod in any ways, kal vachomer an aunt or uncle, no?”

    A parent cannot be mochel their kovod to allow their children to call them by their first name.

    #1136740
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Just call them by their screen names.

    #1136741
    barlev
    Participant

    My boss had a son in the business who used to call his own dad by his first name, I found it terribly chutzpadik, but never voiced my thoughts on the matter

    #1136742
    Chochom-ibber
    Participant

    I’d like to be called Sir, Lord or The Honourable.

    #1136743
    Chochom-ibber
    Participant

    On a more serious note;

    I was passing a public school a few years back when I overheard a little girl refer the the older woman holding her hand as “Mommy”. What caught my attention was the “Adult’s” response – “UGHH, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!! IT MAKES ME SOUND SO OLD! Call me Lauren!”

    There are many many issues with that story.

    #1136744
    tzviki16
    Member

    Lior: why can’t they be mochel on that? it’s probably not good chinuch but why can’t they be mochel?

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 65 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.