Chanukah Presents for Rebbes

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  • #607433

    Abba bar Aristotle
    Participant

    I have been a Rebbe of children for about 25 years. During this time, I noticed a direct correlation between those boys who learn Torah well and Parents who give nice Chanukah Presents to the Rebbe. My question is: Is this a Siman or a Sibah?

    Does the good learning of the boys reflect the good attitude of the parents towards the Rebbe? OR are the boys of those parents good Torah learners as a result of the nice Chanukah presents that their parents give?

    #913104

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I have a third option, but I think all 3 are true.

    I’d add that the parents of the “good learners” tend to be happier with the school and the rebbe.

    #913105

    Naysberg
    Member

    Please define what constitutes a nice Chanukah present for a Rebbi.

    #913106

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    I don’t know about presents, but that’s a good question. One thing I do know for sure – My FIL told me years ago that boys whose parents pay full tuition always have more hatzlochah and siyato dishmaya in learning than other boys whose parents don’t pay full tuition. We pay full tuition every year and are b”h reaping ‘rewards’ as a result. My children are excellent students and have zero negative issues bl”h.

    #913107

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I like options 1&3 (especially 1). Option 2 is far fetched, and would only be true if they only learned well after Chanukah.

    #913108

    cantgetit
    Member

    BaalHabooze: How much is “full tuition”? The list price some schools publish only expecting a gvir to pay? If not, how much?

    #913109

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    BaalHabooze, I assume that someone who simply can’t afford it would be an exception.

    #913110

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    If a family has 10 kids and is a Kollel family. How can they afford to give Chanukah Presents to all the Rebbes and Morah?

    They still have to give something to the kids. Even an $18 gift is still $180

    #913111

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    Obviously, it’s a matter of affording it, but on the other hand many don’t, choosing other ‘priorities’ over school tuition. For some it’s a second car, a second house, fancy expensive clothes. Choosing your ‘priority’ over full tuition is very commonplace, opting for a school reduction or not paying at all. I never go on vacation with my family, as our budget doesn’t fit that lifestyle. I have invested in a villa for our summer monthes and that’s our vacation. I don’t have expensive clothes, I don’t drive a fancy car, and never eat out in restaurants.

    #913112

    mythoughts
    Participant

    BaalHabooze – I guess you’re saying that children in kollel families that are not paying full tuition don’t have hatzlochah and siyato dishmaya in learning. Just curious, is your FIL footing the bill?

    #913113

    mythoughts
    Participant

    Abba bar Aristotle – remember, soinah matonos yichya

    #913114

    midwesterner
    Participant

    Hizaharu bivnei aniyim shemeihem tetze Torah.

    DY: I assume that someone who simply can’t afford it would be the rov.

    My unscientific observation is that the children of the full tuition paying gvirim, (those young motivated go getters who got where they are because they are very aggressive) have a much higher incidence of ADD.

    #913115

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    My unscientific observation is that the children of the full tuition paying gvirim, (those young motivated go getters who got where they are because they are very aggressive) have a much higher incidence of ADD.

    Which should lead us to conclude, that ADD is not a bad thing.

    #913116

    Naysberg
    Member

    popa: That is only under the working assumption that being a gvir is a good thing.

    #913117

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    No, it is under the working assumption that being successful at whatever you are trying to do, is a good thing.

    #913118

    yehudayona
    Participant

    PBA, is it a good thing to be a successful bank robber? How about a successful troll?

    #913119

    shmendrick
    Member

    As someone who has been in kollel for many years and hopes to continue learning for life, I make sure to give the Rebbeim and Morahs a PERCENTAGE of the tuition I pay for that child.

    When we use a taxi we give a 15 – 20 percent tip. Same when we tip the waiter at a restaurant we give a percentage of the total bill.

    I am NOT suggesting a specific percentage but I think the Rebbe or Morah should get a percentage of the tuition paid – pick a FAIR and REASONABLE percentage, from as low as 5% (which is FAR lower than what you would give a taxi driver or a waiter!).

    BTW – the Rebbe should ALSO be given the largest and nicest M’shlach Monos on Purim. This is mechanech your child that the Rebbe is the choshuvste person on your list. To your child, the Rebbe is more important than the local Rov or your Rosh Yeshiva/Kollel. It instills a chashivus for learning in your child!

    I add Purim Gelt to the Rebbe and Morah on Purim too (as Mo’os Purim is mentioned in Shas – albeit in another context).

    #913120

    Abba bar Aristotle
    Participant

    Re: Sonei Mantanos Yichyeh: I wish that I were on the madreaiga to hate the presents. but that has nothing to do with the parents or the children.

    Re: the difficulty in giving a present to rabeiim: I really don’t need their presents or their money – but when the boys come in to school and describe their vacation trips…. There is someting wrong!

    #913121

    sof davar
    Member

    I would agree with your reason number one. I would just tweak it slightly. I think that the parents who give nice gifts (based on what they can afford) are (in general) people for whom the chinuch of their children in a main focus of their lives. Children who have parents who are so dedicated to them, on average, live up to their parents goals more closely.

    P.S. I very specifically wrote the words “on average”. I am very well aware of many cases where good, dedicated parents have children who stray far from their parents ideals. But I believe it to be indisputable that children do better with dedicated parents.

    P.P.S. On behalf of myself and many other Rabbeim, I would like to express my appreciation to to all those of you who open your wallets and checkbooks to so generously give the gifts that you can afford (whatever amount they may be). I would like to doubly thank those of you who include a note or card of appreciation that specifically mentions some of the nice attributes of the Rebbe and how your child has gained from him. Children do not often express genuine appreciation for all of the dedication and hard work that the Rabbeim put it. It is easy to feel that your efforts are not noticed and not making a real difference. Reading a card that says “My son is excited to learn parsha because of the excitement with which you tell it over” or the like, can make a Rebbe’s day.

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