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I’ve been a happily married woman for many years and am a grandmother many times over. But decades ago I was a single divorced mother. I heard yet another shiur this morning about how valuable and esteemed the Jewish mother is. Sure, but if she finds herself without a husband one day, she is at the bottom of the heap as far as finding another mate. Why is that? I’ve never been able to understand that. Her children are blessings, she is respected and valuable and esteemed, as long as she is married; but if her husband beats her up or otherwise causes her to get a divorce (and if she’s one of the fortunate ones who DOES get a Jewish divorce), suddenly no other man wants to “take on” her children, who are no longer considered blessings. Could someone please explain why that is?
There’s a major shidduch crisis for older women. Just look at census statistics, and you’ll see that there a lot more women than men in an increasing percentage, as age increases.
This has little to do with the shidduch crisis for younger women, which in my view is related to age gap; this has to do with the fact that women live longer than men.
I don’t know the age you’re referring to, but if you’re referring to an age younger than what I am, the demographics still play a role. There are never married women available, so single men might prefer to go out with and marry one. Nothing to do with value; it’s just less complicated.
Do divorced men have it easy in shidduchim? What about divorced men who have custody of their children?
Bubbie Tex – I am so sorry about your difficulties and pain. I am sorry you had such an awful experience.
As far as answering the question: “Why is it so?” I don’t think I can agree with many points in your premise that that is actually how it is. Especially saying, “suddenly no other man wants to “take on” her children, who are no longer considered blessings”. That isn’t fair. It is not as if you line up your children and a future chossen says, “eww”.
Not everyone is capable of raising teenagers they just met, not everyone can afford an additional 6 kids to their own 5, not everyone can jump right in to the parenting system that the mother insists on even if it isn’t working or is different than their own. Not everyone can handle taking on 4 new children when they can hug two of them but have to leave the house if the others are home alone (yichud issues). And what if one girl is rebellious and insists on dressing provacatively? It is not so simple. There are so many things involved in marrying someone with children, and to present it as if it is just a “non-preferred” status is not fair to all those men who are willing but unable.
I do believe your experiences are real, and will not argue that at all. I am just offering that (as I have seen from personal experiences with friends)the inferences may be incorrect.
B”H you found a prince after all!
It’s about what men look for in a woman. Most men want a woman whose children will all be his children.
BT – sounds like you live in Texas. Nothing in this topic is even vaguely true. I’m divorced and
I live on the East Coast. I also have a lot of friends my age. They are Not picky! It’s the girls that are, even though there are more single girls than boys!
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