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1. truth be told
   AKA tbt

   After reading all the quandaries people have posted about shidduchim I got to thinking (a she'he'chiyonu).

   It seems that a large amount of shidduchim where the boy and girl get along well, their Hashkafos align well, share similar life-goals, as well as decent beverage ordering skills, and they still don’t end up together, is a direct result of other peoples opinions and desires.

   If for Plonis arriving in a cab or helicopter for a date is acceptable or cool, the fact that to Yenta A. or Mr. B. Macher it doesnt sound classy should be totally irrelevant!

   All the "es past nisht" that others feel should feel insignificant to whoever is happy with it. The same thing applies to many other "trivial things", like yichus, profession...

   If Mr. C is happy with Miss D’s middos, appearance, and the color of her hat, he shouldn’t be listening to all those other negative opinions out there.

   What do you guys think?

   Also please check out the stories I posted in the nightly dvar torah thread

   http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/ywn-coffee-room-nightly-dvar-torah

   You might come out with a new perspective on this topic as well.

   Posted 4 years ago #

2. eclipse
   The Human

   This tops all.
   Someone told me,"My friend married so-and-so,BUT SHE COULD HAVE DONE MUCH BETTER."
   Can you imagine??

   Posted 4 years ago #

3. aries2756
   Smartness runs in my family.

   TBT, you are 100% right. People should concentrate more on what Hashem has in mind for them than what their friends' opinions are. That is why shidduchim should be private and you shouldn't discuss your dates with your friends. Yenta's will have a rude awakening when they give their din v'chesbon nuch 120!

   Posted 4 years ago #

4. bein_hasdorim
   Member

   You are very perceptive in mentioning "decent beverage ordering

   skills." People don't realize how many Shalom Bayis problems

   are a direct result of at least one of the two spouses lacking

   this basic skill. If my rebbetzin would've said "i'll have a

   diet Dr. Pepper" (no affiliation w/ dr. pepper)

   she'd have to take the train home.

   Dr. Pepper is healthy enough! Who wants a health nut?
   ;)

   Posted 4 years ago #

5. popa_bar_abba
   Incorrigible; eccentric; somewhere between mean and average; sometimes only a bit over the top; arbitrarily engaged in cynicism.

   Someone told me,"My friend married so-and-so,BUT SHE COULD HAVE DONE MUCH BETTER."

   I also know of a case like that. A very nice normal girl married a guy who was physically and emotionally abusive. Then, when she finally left, he made up stories and hired lawyers and took the kids and sent them to military boarding schools.
   She could have done much better.

   Is that what you mean?

   Posted 4 years ago #

6. bein_hasdorim
   Member

   "Es Past Nisht!"

   Posted 4 years ago #

7. aries2756
   Smartness runs in my family.

   When I told my father a"h, "what would you say if I told you that I was dating ..." he said "I would say you could do better". My father was a baker and he worked at night so he missed a little bit of what was going on. So then I said "what would you say if I told you that I was engaged to ...." he took me in his arms and said "Mazel tov! We should have much nachas from the both of you!"

   But he was still a character. On the way to chupah he whispered in my ear. "the car is right out front, just say the word and we turn around and go the other way. I can have you out of here in 10 minutes."

   When I told my sister, she said he told her the same exact thing.

   Posted 4 years ago #

8. ItcheSrulik
   Formerly college sheigetz. Now ger.

   Ess Past Nisht has got to be one of the most inappropriate phrases in the Yiddish language. When somebody says it about a third party, they're butting into other peoples' business -- inappropriate. When they say it about themselves i.e. "ess past nisht for me to..." that's gaavah -- even worse!

   Posted 4 years ago #

9. bein_hasdorim
   Member

   ItcheSrulik; I like your screen name. "Es Past Dich!" :-)

   Posted 4 years ago #

10. eclipse
    The Human

    popa---no,they had just gotten married!

    aries--that is funny!why did he say that?

    I.S.--"es past nisht" is meant to encourage someone not to act on a lower level than the (high)level h/she is on.It's supposed to be the least abrasive way to give a person mussar.
    BUT YOU ARE SO RIGHT!
    USING IT TO DESCRIBE A THIRD PARTY'S ACTIONS IS WRONG AND SERVES NO PURPOSE BESIDES LOSHON HORA.

    EDITED POST
    Please do not yell in the CR.

    Posted 4 years ago #

11. aries2756
    Smartness runs in my family.

    Eclipse, I have no idea. Maybe he thought I was nervous and he wanted to lighten things up.

    Posted 4 years ago #

12. ItcheSrulik
    Formerly college sheigetz. Now ger.

    Thanks, it's almost my real name.

    Posted 4 years ago #

13. mewho
    Member

    what does the phrase ''its not kedai'' mean?

    Posted 4 years ago #

14. eclipse
    The Human

    Edited for CAPS?
    Why would I be "yelling"--I was agreeing.
    I'm confused.

    Posted 4 years ago #

15. bein_hasdorim
    Member

    It tranlates into, it not worth it, not practical.
    It's not kedai for me to take my car out into the upcoming snowstorm cuz i might get stuck, and probably also hinder
    street cleaning efforts, (what efforts) & emergency vehicles e.g. Hatzolah from doing their jobs.

    Posted 4 years ago #

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