Getting over a break up

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  • #596318

    What’s the longest it ever took you to get over someone you dated? How did you deal with it? Did you think about the other person obsessively, stalk them, etc.?

    #1062743
    GoldieLoxx
    Member

    stalk them? omg dont even joke about that

    #1062744
    adorable
    Participant

    where did this thread come from? remind me about my thread- getting over someone that used to be in your life?

    #1062745
    goldenkint
    Member

    all i can say is “yup”. it took a while. ij ust stayed home a few days and cried, took off from work etc. eventually i got over it, but it took time. if u aren’t getting over it , find a professional to talk to. you need to know that your feelings are normal, and figure out how to move on

    #1062746
    Sacrilege
    Member

    Probably around 3 weeks where I discussed him incessantly w my friends (thanks guys, your the best!) We had been dating for 6 months.

    #1062747
    mewho
    Participant

    im guessing the other person did the breaking up here .

    best thing to do is go back to your friends and start socializing again.

    friends can be very supportive.

    dont sit home thinking about him/her

    #1062748
    bpt
    Participant

    I took a week, or until I was set up (bad choice of words, no?) with the next person.

    Kinda like an ice cube. Solid, cold, permanent; but in the right conditions, its melts away and runs down the drain.

    Move on and fuggedabowdit!

    #1062749
    cshapiro
    Member

    It took a really good friend convincing me I am too good for him and better without him along with six month of crying but I got over my ex bf…..and u know what bh bec looking back now I deserve way more and way better…ps he was not a gorgeous football player, I think thats when the craze started lol. But the sad truth is, only time will heal, and if u start dating a gorgeous football player, thatll help even if u guys dont last…anyways no worries we crers are always here for u 🙂

    #1062750
    adorable
    Participant

    been there done that! good luck! Daven very hard for siyatta dishmaya that is my advice

    #1062751
    shlishi
    Member

    Huh? Are we talking about frum people? Or people that have boyfriend/girlfriend relationships? Frum shidduch dating tends to max out at not too many more than 10 dates, so “breaking up” isn’t like you were dating for much more than a month or two, in a rare situation. If you are talking about modern people, it may be different.

    #1062752
    yid.period
    Member

    shlishi

    open your mind a little bit pal. Yes, we are talking about “Frum” people. And… brace yourself… sometimes frum people who are orthodox etc date for more than 10 dates or two months.

    “Modern” isn’t synonymous with “Not religious,” contrary to popular opinion

    #1062753
    shlishi
    Member

    yid: I didn’t say it was. In fact I specifically stated by modern people it may be different. But since we are on an obviously Chareidi website (by name itself and preponderance of posters), the default position is just that.

    #1062754
    yid.period
    Member

    again, it seems there is a disconnect between what you write, and what you think you’ve written. You used the words “frum” and “modern.”

    you mean to say “yeshivish”… “frum” just means religious, and you used “modern” as the antonym.

    #1062755
    dunno
    Member

    shlishi

    I know yeshivish people that got pretty close after a few dates and had a hard time going through a break up

    #1062756
    walton157
    Member

    @Yid: You are so correct. Many of our fellow tribesmen and women don’t realize that if one is Modern doesn’t mean one is not frum. Many Frum, Modern Orthodox people belong to the Young Israel and Yeshiva University movements.

    I know many frum men and women who date long term. Perhaps they were burnt from a fast-paced shidduch that didn’t work out and decide to do what is comfortable for them.

    @shlishi: This site is open to all whether Chasisdish, Litvish, Modern Orthodox, BT, FFB, etc. So, please don’t allow yourself to be so naive to think that only Charedai (spelling?) people visit this site. There is more than one “type” of Jew. We don’t live in a shtatel in Poland in the 18th Century.

    #1062757
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    only Charedai (spelling?) people visit this site

    Actually, many of the chareidi people who visit this site do not know how to spell (many others don’t either). ?

    #1062758
    adorable
    Participant

    I think if the girl is an “emotional” type then it can be harder for her. dont know anything from the guys point of view as I am a girl (is that a chiddush?!?!!?)

    #1062759
    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    Many years ago I broke up with a malach. He poked me on the lip and left me with a scar there. I can’t remember much about it but the scar still remains all these years later

    #1062761

    “only Charedai (spelling?) people visit this site”

    I’m actually surprised how many are on this site, since many consider the Internet as a whole to be assur…. 🙂

    #1062762
    oomis
    Participant

    It took me over six months. I thought I was getting engaged, and had no clue the guy was about to say goddbye and good luck. Except he didn’t have the decency to do even that. One day I thought we were getting engaged and the next day I never heard from him again. we knew each other for about a year when this happened. Even HIS friends couldn’t believe what he did. They also thought he was about to propose to me. And no, it really was NOTHING that I did. He had met a rich girl, and dumped me without bothering to let me know.

    Many of our mutual chevra, stopped talking to him after that. No one would ever have guessed from their association with him,that he could possibly possess such a lack of middos. My family and I were completely fooled. I had just turned 21. It really was a very painful experience, but thank G-d, I met my husband instead, and that was a bracha of indescribable proportions.

    #1062763
    Jam
    Participant

    Shlishi- it seems to me (from your comment above) that u haven’t been personally introduced to the shidduch parsha yet. And if you have, then you haven’t gone out with anyone too seriously. (I may be wrong, it’s just my gut feeing)

    #1062764
    adorable
    Participant

    oomis- it sounds like you were not set up through a shadchan. that could make it even harder. I wish you all lots of luck its very hard

    #1062765
    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    Shlishi, last I checked this site is not called “Chareidi World”. It’s Yeshiva World. Yeshiva doesn’t have to mean Ultra-right-wing-Yeshivish-Josephish. There is an institution called Yeshiva University. Many of their students are not Chareidi and date for more than a few weeks.

    That said, the way many Yeshivish people date, they are meant to become very close to each other after just a few dates and therefore it can be very hard to break up.

    #1062766
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    I think shlishi is just trolling. Just because he isn’t (?) Joseph doesn’t mean we have to assume he isn’t another troll.

    #1062767
    Poster
    Member

    I dont think there is a/th wrong with what Shlishi wrote.

    I met a boy 4 times and it didnt work out and yes, I was devestated. We are more yeshivish and by the time we met, we had a lot of research, and so yes, by the fourth time, we almost could’ve gotten engaged….

    #1062768
    real-brisker
    Member

    Itche – Just because you don’t hold of their opinons {mine also), doesn’t mean they are trolling.

    #1062769
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    He’s saying that you’re situation couldn’t exist, that nobody gets that close after a few dates.

    #1062770
    adorable
    Participant

    Its not true! Of course you can get close to someone after just dating a few times/ a few hours of being together. And it can be very tough to overcome those.

    #1062771
    oomis
    Participant

    oomis- it sounds like you were not set up through a shadchan. that could make it even harder. I wish you all lots of luck its very hard “

    I am married thirty-four years already. In both cases (the break up with the first guy and my marriage to my wonderful hubby), we met on our own in an environment that was conducive to frum kids meeting and getting to know each other. Had I done “research” (and what is this a term paper, or a potential marriage partner), it would never have revealed the flaw in my ex boy-friend. EVERYONE was flabbergasted to see what an unmenschlech thing he did. They never would have guessed that he of all people would unceremoniously dump a serious relationship without warning, rhyme, or reason, or that he would suddenly be enamored of money and go after a wealthy girl. Many of HIS close friends, thought he had lost his mind and were very angry with him. And we knew each other for almost two years. All the checking up in the world, does not reveal such lack of character until a person shows his true colors.

    My husband has a temimus that is obvious to all who ever met him, and when he walked into the place where I worked (a Jewish Publication firm and bookstore), I could see who and what he was right away. He did not ask me out immediately, but waited a couple of months because he was getting over a relationship. But from our first date, I knew this was a special person, and with each date, my original convictions were re-confirmed. And he has never caused me to think otherwise.

    Had we gone through a shadchan, we would not have met at all, because on paper, he was not a shidduch for me by any stretch of the imagination, and my parents would have said no. Once we started to date and my folks met him, they saw what I saw. A shadchan would have messed this up (and I suspect many of them do in the Yeshivish world, too).

    #1062772
    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    Did you get over it yet?

    #1062773
    notasheep
    Member

    The first guy I went out with finished the shidduch after 6 meetings, and it was hard since I had allowed myself to get emotionally involved (and someone at work got engaged the same week and all she could talk about was her chosson this and her vort that). It can be hard when the other person says no to you, on the other hand, I learned to keep my emotions in check the next time, and concentrate on does the person really have the qualities I’m looking for in a husband. So when my second shidduch ended I wasn’t that bothered. And the third guy became my husband.

    #1062774
    Utah
    Member

    @42 why are you bringing up a post that has been dead for 2 years?

    #1062775

    Maybe he’s the girl that dumped the OP.

    #1062776
    Bookworm120
    Participant

    How could he be a she? No, don’t tell me. The final answer is, impossible.

    #1062777

    #I dated someone pretty seriously… and then it didn’t end up working out. A teacher that I was close to in high school told me the following that helped the situation not bring me down.

    A guy and a girl dated for a long time, and then broke up. The guy was devastated, so he went to a Chashuva Rav about it. (forgive me i don’t remember the name.) And the Rav told him not to be upset because if he would’ve married her, it wouldn’t be possible for them to have kids from that union.

    My point isn’t that every break up is like that….

    my point is that Hashem has a plan, and though, sometimes we don’t understand it, and it is hard, and sometimes almost impossible, He has a plan for us, and it’s a good one, the best possible!

    #1062778
    oomis
    Participant

    I think that in a moment of extreme emotional pain, it is very hard to think of the “Master Plan” of Hashem. (That’s probably why we see Boruch Dayan haEmes when we cut kriah as Onenim – because it forces us to acknowledge Hashem, at the height of our grief). Sometimes we just need to work through our sadness and get past it. Some folks never do.

    #1062779
    FFBBT613
    Member

    Ik this has been dead for a long time but having an ayin tova is a tremendous help. Listen to R’ Wallersteins shiur on Love & a Lev Tov, great class, it changed my outlook on love & life, it changed me. Really fantastic.

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