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  • #618128
    absan
    Participant

    To many poeple are effected by bullying especially children….it can leave a long time effect…What can we do?..and …How can we stop it?

    #1169832
    Joseph
    Participant

    Teach your children to not be bullies.

    #1169833
    Sparkly
    Member

    good question arent you the psychologist?

    #1169834
    Meno
    Participant

    Maybe we should teach the bullied kids to bully the bullies. Level the playing field.

    (I’ll admit, at first when I wrote that I was joking, but it would actually help build up their confidence and mitigate the effects of being bullied. Though it would probably cause other problems.)

    #1169835
    absan
    Participant

    yes…and there is alot to talk about..I have seen to many poeple kids and adults still suffering from being bullied way back from childhood..I would like to hear your stories…and lets find solutions together… to bring more ahavas yisrael…

    #1169836
    Sparkly
    Member

    Meno – that would just make stuff worse.

    #1169837

    For whom?

    #1169838

    teach then self-defense in schools & to not be afraid to defend themselves or speak up to someone

    #1169839
    Sparkly
    Member

    YW Moderator-29 – for the bullies and people being bullied.

    #1169840
    Meno
    Participant

    Sparkly,

    I’m not so sure. Bullying leads to suicide. I’m not sure what’s worse than that. I agree my idea would lead to other problems, and it would certainly need some tweaking to find a good balance, but I don’t think it would make things worse.

    #1169841
    absan
    Participant

    It would teach them nakuma …and then if they are bullying back

    how are they better then the bully? Just because he started first?

    #1169842
    Meno
    Participant

    Like I said, it would cause other problems, but it would likely solve the original problem. I believe a bully who is counter-bullied is less likely to be driven to suicide than one who is bullied without any recourse. I agree that nekama is a horrible thing to teach children. All I’m saying is that this would solve the original problem.

    #1169843
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    One thing that would help a lot is to raise awareness amongst teachers and parents so that they pay attention and notice bullying and try to do something about it, instead of just thinking “oh, that’s what kids are like.”

    Also, there are things to teach your kids to do if they are being bullied. I heard a school psychologist speak about it once. I don’t remember everything but I think that one thing is to not let the bully think that he hurt you.

    I read a great story about a boy who was bullied over 80 years ago. He was much younger than the other boys in his Yeshiva, so they made fun of him. They would put a stuffed animal in his bed at night to make fun of him for being so young. They would come back the next day expecting to see that he had thrown the stuffed animal on the floor in anger, but they would always find the stuffed animal in the made bed exactly where they had left it. They were spooked out – they thought he must be a malach who doesn’t sleep! They were so spooked out they stopped bullying him.

    It turned out that he did go to sleep, but when he woke up, he would put the stuffed animal back so it looked like he hadn’t slept. This way, he showed them that they couldn’t affect him. The boy’s name was Aharon Leib Shteinman!

    The moral of the story is that if you act like you are not affected by what the bully does, he will stop.

    #1169844
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    I think I agree with Sparkly that teaching the kid who is bullied to become a bully is a bad idea. There are better ways. I can’t remember everything this psychologist said, but I know that she had a lot of good ideas.

    #1169845
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    Kids have to be taught they won’t get attention from bullying other kids (even negative attention) once they see that, they won’t do it and instead find other ways for attention

    #1169846
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    Yup, what he says.

    #1169847
    Sparkly
    Member

    coffee addict – good point.

    #1169848
    Person1
    Member

    I think sometimes moving schools is best. You try various solutions (e.g. talking to parentsteachers) for a year or two, and in the meanwhile your kid goes to school every day to be humiliated and laughed at. Would any of us stay at a work place where they call you names and throw things at you?

    People say he should learn to cope but sometimes they are just afraid his pride would get hurt by giving in. Well pride isn’t such a great thing anyway.

    #1169849
    Sparkly
    Member

    Person1 – homeschooling usually works well in these cases.

    #1169850
    absan
    Participant

    there is a bully

    there is a victom

    and then there are the bystanders

    The bully….Most of the time but NOT A FACT the bully was a victom or is still a victom of being bullied…surprisingly it could be anyone from…

    parents …sibblings..rabbis…freinds…neighbers anyone..if bullying goes on enough he feels angry.. hurt..surpressed..

    These feelings are very painfull….he needs an outlet…either he becomes a nabach in action and feelings…or he finds a victom to let out his steam…

    The victom…the bully chooses his victoms carefully..he will not pick on a popular kid cause he knows he will fail..he tries to get that quiet good child who never does any trouble .. now he has a chance to build himself up by putting him down…he knows this kid is a too good kid to fight him…so there he goes all his pain is thrown out on this kid…most of the time the bully knows he is wrong but that need to feel superior just takes over…

    The bystanders..usually the bully will act up in front of other kids were he can show off …the bystanders become frightened they shouldnt be picked on so they try to be on the good side of the bully …laughing and teasing along…even if these kids are good kids and would never do so …but there fear takes over…they try to team up with the bully… that makes them feel secure..they got a strong bully to protect them….and of course the more kids team up the more superior the bully feels..and the wourse the victom feels lost between a big croud…

    The solution…there are many different ways to handle this situation..will discuss some…

    In this situation the bystanders have the most important role…

    If the bystanders would not fear the bully and say something nice to the victom or even better just walk away with the victom the bully is left alone …no one to show off ..no one to bully….

    Another solution…because the bully is full of pain he wants his victom to suffer to…if the victom understands that then it will be easy for him to just shrug him off ..walk away …find freinds …and not become effected…

    Fact… girls bully to.Since girls are by nature more sensetive it can leave a life time impression.

    The bully..he is the one that needs the most help…cause he is the most troubled …

    Bullying does not have to be that aggressive..sometimes just rolling your eyes …smurking…pulling your nose can be as painful ….

    Parents and teachers should be well aware and be ready to assist..

    Many schools have developed a NO BULLY ZONE..they talk to there students about bullying ..the kids act out bullying scenes …there taught how to respond… posters of no bullying are hung in classes and halls…and the teachers keep a strong eye on there suroundings ….I hope this information will be spread..spoken about to the public to avoid bullying and bring more ahavas yisrael…

    #1169851
    catch yourself
    Participant

    Switching schools is NOT the answer.

    The school has not yet been founded which is guaranteed Bully-Free.

    #1169852
    Little Froggie
    Participant

    It sound like real, sound, practical advice. If the message would be in a better setting it would carry more weight. That’s the way it is, if one cares to look over their work, it shows the author put thought into it. I’m not c”v pointing it out for fun, I’m serious. And I beg your mechilah if I hurt your feelings.

    #1169853
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    Absen,

    Very thorough

    #1169854
    Sparkly
    Member

    catch yourself – i agree. you NEED to talk to the principal and see what they can do.

    #1169855
    absan
    Participant

    little froggie ..no you did not hurt my feelings ..I am just not that great or good in English..that simple…and thank you every one for your feedback..

    #1169856
    NeutiquamErro
    Participant

    absan:

    What’s with all the ellipses?

    #1169857
    absan
    Participant

    n..can you be more specific?

    #1169858
    NeutiquamErro
    Participant

    absan:

    Sure. I tried to read your post above, and whilst you seemed to make very good points, you do seem very fond of ellipses.

    For the record, and I apologise sincerely if you already knew, this is an ellipsis:

    Taking into account and .., you used ellipses 63 times in your post. And for me, and I really hope you don’t take this the wrong way, it made the post kind of difficult to read. Sorry, that’s all.

    #1169859

    Well this past year in school we had a subject called methods and we learned in all bullying scenes there are three categories bully the victim and bystanders. We must empower the bystanders to stick up for what they believe in (like imagine if all the bystanders by the seudah of kamtza and bar kamtza would have stood up for the ehat they felt..) second you have to find out what’s going on by the bully at home that’s usually the problem and of course teach the victim how to defend or ignore

    #1169860
    Little Froggie
    Participant

    Mazel Tov to you HappyGirlyGirl for getting a newer viewpoint, attitude at life!! May you always be in this state of mind!!

    #1169861
    absan
    Participant

    congratulations…happygirlygirl…..proud of your name .Let it bring you mazel .How was your interview.I prayed for you and Sparky…Let us know..

    #1169862
    Sparkly
    Member

    absan – you prayed for what for me?

    #1169863
    absan
    Participant

    sparky for everything and anything….

    #1169865

    They posted my post day late…an sparkly he’s praying for the girls…chop?

    #1169866
    Sparkly
    Member

    Happygirlygirl – yes.

    #1169867
    absan
    Participant

    cute.happygirlygirl and sparkly I just transform…from he to she to she to he wondering?? me to 29 i am wondering if my wondering went wandering

    #1169868
    Sparkly
    Member

    absan – what?

    #1169869
    absan
    Participant

    what?..What?

    #1169871
    Sparkly
    Member

    absan – i was asking what you meant by the last comment you posted.

    #1169872

    Hello to you too.

    #1169873
    absan
    Participant

    sparkly the question of wondering was for 29…the rest figure out yourself

    #1169875
    Abba_S
    Participant

    You can’t be bullied unless you allow it. If it’s verbal you can ignore it or respond with a smart retort. The bully only enjoys seeing you in pain. If he can’t get that satisfaction he will move on to the next victim. If it is physical then you need to learn to block or dodge his kicks or punches. You will find he usually telegraphs his move so it’s easy. Kick him in the knee or ankle and he will topple over. Don’t worry about his friends, they wouldn’t come to his defense. Once you knock him down he wouldn’t bother you again.

    #1169876

    Abba that isn’t for all king OF abuse

    #1169877
    Sparkly
    Member

    Abba_S – this is a friend thats not in my college. so you dont need to worry about that especially since that doesnt happen in a college.

    #1169878
    Meno
    Participant

    Sparkly,

    There’s no bullying in college?

    #1169879
    allfreindly
    Participant

    you bet .We have one big bully.She always bugs in I mean always with her negative attitude.

    #1169880
    Sparkly
    Member

    Meno – no. its in and out. you dont talk to anyone in college for their to be any bullying. there all adults. adults dont bully one another at least i hope not. and if you do talk to people at college their usually nice, sweet people and thats how i made friends.

    #1169881
    absan
    Participant

    Most of bullying are kids.But yes, adults can bully to..

    #1169882
    Meno
    Participant

    Sparkly,

    That may be describe experience in college (and honestly, it was mine too),

    but I don’t think it’s true for all cases.

    #1169883
    Sparkly
    Member

    meno – what do you mean?

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