How does the first date work?

Home Coffeeroom Shidduchim How does the first date work?

  • This topic contains 18 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  Meno 3 months ago.
Viewing 19 posts - 1 through 19 (of 19 total)
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  • #1488969

    18MinuteMatzah
    Participant

    Hi members of Coffee Room,
    I am scheduled for my first date and I’m not sure what to expect. I’m from a yeshivish(-ish) background and I’ve never really spoken to men before. What do I talk about? What do I not talk about? What do I do/not do? What’s the protocol for these types of things?
    Thank you,
    18MinuteMatzah

    #1488989

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Ask him if he smokes. If he says yes, ask him what he smokes.

    #1488991

    Joseph
    Participant

    Is this conversation in the Coffee Room the first time you’ve conversed with non-family men?

    #1488998

    Meno
    Participant

    Ask him if he’s a member of the coffee room. That’s a good conversation starter.

    #1489005

    Joseph
    Participant

    Meno, if it’s me I always identify myself to her at the outset.

    #1489086

    Meno
    Participant

    Ask him about the weather. Especially if he’s very tall. Tall guys love it when you ask them about the weather.

    #1489220

    iacisrmma
    Participant

    Let the other person start the conversation. Then just respond accordingly.

    #1489246

    Joseph
    Participant

    iac, what if the other person follows the same advice you just offered?

    #1489262

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    All the sarcasm of the prior postings aside, just be yourself and talk with him about the issues that excite you, about recent places you’ve been to, about a person you’ve recently met who you found especially interesting, about your plans for continuing your education (if that is part of your gameplan). Remember that he is probably as anxious as you are about “discussion topics” so approach it as an equal and forego all the “dos” and “don’ts” you’ve been given by well-meaning friends.

    #1489265

    Meno
    Participant

    iac, what if the other person follows the same advice you just offered?

    Just another reason to ask if he’s a Coffee Room member.

    #1489270

    LAmother
    Participant

    U guys are a riot. Thanks for making me laugh so early in the morning in l.a.
    18 minute matza, enjoy ur date !

    #1489275

    Geordie613
    Participant

    18MinuteMatzah, What you’ve read so far is typical man to man banter. If he talks to you like that, walk away.
    Seriously, you won’t find what you’re looking for hear. I suggest you have a heart to heart with your LOR (Local Orthodox Rebbetzin) to set up on the path.
    Wishing you all the best, and you should find your basherte quickly and easily.

    #1489280

    Meno
    Participant

    What you’ve read so far is typical man to man banter. If he talks to you like that, walk away.

    Some guys have never talked to a girl other than a family member, so all they know is “man to man banter”. Is that a reason to walk out on a date?

    #1489337

    Geordie613
    Participant

    Meno, Oh. Maybe not. But you would expect some respect. Especially if are supposedly expecting to meet someone seriously, not just for a night out.

    #1489465

    Joseph
    Participant

    Geordie, do you believe that yiddishe man to man banter is disrespectful? In either event, walking away (as you suggested) is certainly not respectful.

    #1490631

    Takes2-2tango
    Participant

    Ask which meds hes on. Ask him if hes pro or anti vaxx. Ask him what his likings are besides going into chinuch and knowing all co names of the best tasting burbons.
    Ask him if his great grand ma had 3 sinks in her kitchen?

    #1490625

    Geordie613
    Participant

    This may have got lost in translation between EN-US and EN-UK. It is certainly disrespectful in a shidduch context. You’re not going out to meet your mates. When I say walk away, I don’t mean literally. I don’t know if Americans have the expression, but to walk away from a deal, means to decline or not complete it. So, she should end the date as soon as she can, and not go further.

    #1490707

    Takes2-2tango
    Participant

    Ask him what it says in a kesuba and ask him why charedi yeshivas dont learn tanach like like learn chumash or gemarah.

    #1493971

    Meno
    Participant

    So nu? How did it go?

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