Kiruv Question

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  • #612142
    the-art-of-moi
    Participant

    Hi there everyone,

    I’ve been working in this big sister program for kids in pain for a while. The girl I am assigned to started keeping shabbos for the first time in… a long time.

    yesterday, I asked her how shabbos was and she said that it was torture and she didnt feel any of the beauty that shabbos is supposed to have.

    she also mentioned that her uncle that is boarding at her house often turns the tv on while she is in the room on shabbos and he refuses to stop doing it. Her parents are dysfunctional and cant help her in any way. She said that she doesnt think shabbos is something shes going to keep…

    I wish I could invite her to my house for a shabbos, but my house doesnt have such a shabbosdig atmosphere either….

    Anyone have any ideas as to what I cantell this girl for her to start enjoying shabbos> Also, does anyone know of any shiurim online that expound on the beauty of shabbos?

    Thankyou very much, tizku l’mitzvos, and have a wonderful shabbos.

    #1003372
    streekgeek
    Participant

    She must experinece a real Shabbos first before trying to keep it on her own again. Maybe instead of hosting her for Shabbos try finding a Shabbaton you both could go on together. I know Ohr Naava had one recently, but I’m sure there are other places that arrange them too. Maybe try looking in to that.

    Also you can try learning the Nefesh Shimshon on Shabbos book together. It literally changed my Shabbos experiences.

    #1003373
    Sam2
    Participant

    TAOM: Have her attend a Shabbaton where they are experts at this. Even NCSY could be a huge help.

    #1003374
    Avram in MD
    Participant

    the-art-of-moi,

    It’s definitely a challenge to keep Shabbos in an environment where nobody else is, or where others may even be hostile towards it.

    I asked her how shabbos was and she said that it was torture and she didnt feel any of the beauty that shabbos is supposed to have.

    Since it’s easier to keep the Shabbos restrictions in an environment not conducive to observance than it is to do the more active components (candle lighting, meals, davening, learning, resting), it may feel to your friend like Shabbos is a day of deprivation, rather than a day of spiritual opportunity. It’s not an accident that Chabad’s Shabbos outreach begins with handing out Shabbos candle sets and an invitation to Friday night dinners, not with lectures about avoiding the 39 melachos.

    she also mentioned that her uncle that is boarding at her house often turns the tv on while she is in the room on shabbos and he refuses to stop doing it. Her parents are dysfunctional and cant help her in any way.

    I’m not sure that she should rely on those around her to be supportive. If they’re not interested in Shabbos, she won’t get a positive response by forcing its restrictions on them. Rather than fighting with her uncle all day about the TV, perhaps you could suggest that she could reserve some special things to have just for Shabbos – a favorite food or dessert, time to learn something that she otherwise would have no time for, a good book, a walk, a nap, dropping in on a friend, etc. Something to help her look forward to Shabbos.

    I also agree with the above posters who recommended a Shabbaton. It’s important for your friend to experience a warm Shabbos atmosphere.

    #1003375
    golfer
    Participant

    Ask her to if she’d like to start with something small, like buying herself something special to wear or eat, or a Jewish book you can recommend that she might enjoy reading on Shabbos. Is there a spot in her house where she can light candles? Can she read Lashon Kodesh? Maybe she would like to say one or 2 of the p’rakim of Tehillim that are in Kabbalas Shabbos on Friday night after candle lighting, or Nishmas on Shabbos morning. She doesn’t have to be made to feel depressed if she can’t do it all at once. And an NCSY Shabbaton, as others recommended, is a great idea.

    #1003376
    Just Emes
    Member

    Shabbat.com has a really great system for hosts and guests to find each other in cities and towns all over the world and enjoy the beauty of shabbos. Tell her to check it out. If she is home it could be nice to go outside to a park and read inspiring books and Torah thoughts.

    #1003377
    oomis
    Participant

    A social atmosphere like NCSY is a great intro to Shabbos. After that, it would be great to arrange a Shabbos in someone’s home, who is really warm and nonjudgmental (a really great cook wouldn’t hurt, either), who really knows how to make a beautiful Shabbos experience. hatzlacha rabbah.

    #1003378
    interjection
    Participant

    Raise money for her to go to Uman for Shabbos. The first time in my life that I REALLY felt Shabbos was there.

    #1003379
    the-art-of-moi
    Participant

    Thank you all so much for your prompt and helpful posts. I will utilize some of the ideas shared on this forum and bezras Hashem, I’ll update you on the results. Thank you!

    #1003380

    has she ever heard of an org called TWIST, Teens Working to Internalize the Study of Torah? (good it and go to their site since i cant post it here) They pair girls up and get them chavrusas (like a teen partners in torah) so they can find her someone who lives near her sorta a home away from home. their partners form unbelievable friendships and really gain from the relationship. also they have events which will give her a jewish atmosphere.

    tizku limitzvos wat you’re doing is amazing!!!

    #1003381
    the-art-of-moi
    Participant

    I’ve used some of the ideas shared here, and B”H bli ayin hara we are really making headway. Thank you so very much!!!!!

    #1003382
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    The only thing I can add to golfer’s post is that buying something special to wear for shabbos is the best way to start from a machshevet-halacha perspective as opposed to starting by refraining from one melacha. If shabbos is broken down into zachor and shamor, then someone who refrains from one melacha is doing neither zachor nor shamor. Someone who makes kiddush or does something else to mark shabbos (kiddush is the obvious ideal because that is how chazal formulated “zachor”) is at least doing one of them.

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