Litvish wedding in Israel�which side chooses…?

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  • #610359
    tefillin rabbi
    Participant

    When making a Litvish wedding in Israel, where both sides split costs, what is the accepted norm for choosing the following: (Does the kallah’s side choose and then basically informs the chassan’s side, is it an equally shared choice or primarily the kallah’s side’s choice?

    (Assume that there is an agreed upon budget so that if it is the kallah’s side’s choice they would be working within the agreed upon budget.)

    flowers/centerpieces

    invitation/bentcher

    city -Let’s say they are in or near Jerusalem (Beitar, Beit Shemesh, Telzstone) and the kallah’s side wants Jerusalem but the chassan’s side wants a 4 piece band (and are willing to pay the additional cost) or the chassan’s rav/rosh yeshiva doesn’t allow a keyboard in Jerusalem so they want Beit Shemesh/Kiryat Sefer/Bnai Brak to have a keyboard) [Note that weddings are not made in Beitar and Telzstone and few yeshivish weddings are made in Beit Shemesh] Also work on the assumption that to make it outside of Jerusalem is a big hassle for the guests and some will not come and many others will have to find rides and/or the chassan and/or kallah’d side will have to organize a bus at their expense and force the guests to come and go at a specific and often inconvenient time.)

    hall

    date for wedding

    caterer

    menu

    tablecloth colors

    #971140
    TheGoq
    Participant

    Skip it all get eloped.

    #971141
    eclipse
    Member

    Just did that. Wasn’t makpid on a thing and it was a peaceful and enjoyable experience for all:)And when I helped my sister get married, anything extra the other side wanted that there was no money for, they paid for.We were lucky to deal with Baalei Midos,it’s true, but please remember: peace is paramount. Had they insisted on fitted orange gowns, I may have argued, but what else matters that much besides the chosson and kallah being happy?

    #971142
    golfer
    Participant

    Listen to The Goq.

    You”ll never regret it.

    #971143
    tefillin rabbi
    Participant

    My question for asking is not to know where we should be makpid but so both sides should know the accepted norms.

    DO you have experience making weddings in Israel and know the accepted norms for the specific issues I presented above?

    #971144
    eclipse
    Member

    I thought I was answering your question. My son got married in Israel this year,b”h.I let the family who LIVED there make those decisions, agreed with them about the date,and helped in whatever ways I was able. “Norm” is what makes both sides happy,is not outrageous or unreasonable,and makes sense based on who lives where,etc.

    #971145

    Skipping the whole thing is good advice, but it would create s new shidduch crisis, since half of women only get married to have a wedding.

    #971146
    sharp
    Member

    Veltz

    Lololol

    #971147
    eclipse
    Member

    In the olden days.the couple got married Friday or Friday night,no? A nice seudah, leibidig dancing, and everyone went home. Is that accurate? (I read it somewhere)

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