What is it, how does one recognize it, how does it affect its victims and what can one do to not be victimized?
Passive Aggressive(7 posts)
If you tell your kid/spouse that a certain thing they do bothers you and they keep on doing it no matter how many times you tell them, then perhaps that's a sign of passive/aggressive behavior.
Passive aggressive is exhibiting anger in a passive indirect way. For example, if a customer upsets a cashier, and that cashier chooses to express her anger (and take revenge) in a passive indirect way by ringing the items up extra slowly, that would be passive aggressive behavior.
It may not always be possible to address it, if the aggressor is either a sufficient distance away (as in another car on the road) or unwilling to engage. The "victim can turn it into a direct conversation by pointing out that the other person seems upset (with the hope of remedying the hurt/disagreement), but sometimes the alternative of creating distance with space and time is the best option if the aggressor will not listen.
I am a teacher in a classroom of 8 year old boys and one of my students are definetely passively agressive. He won't say no to my face when I say something, he'll just not do it in a quiet passive agressive way or take on purposely a veeery long time to do it as if 2 say- I dont have 2 listen- but in a very quiet way. Its often hard 2 see passive agression since it is very subtle, but still defenitely has 2 b addressed.
i don't think passive aggresion is so bad. if you ignore it maybe it will go away.
What treatments are available if the perpertrator is willing? If he is unwilling, what steps can those around him take?
Individual,couples/family, and group therapy can all be effective in helping the perpetrator become more aware of their patterns, the effect on themselves and others and on their relationships. Anger management training can help the perpetrator learn more effective ways of dealing with their emotions.
If the perpetrator is unwilling to seek counseling, than the victims can utilize counseling to identify the aggressive patterns and effective/non-effective responses, and build ego strength. The fact that someone can be passive aggressive doesn't mean the source of their anger is unjustified. Their method of dealing with it is destructive. Counseling can also offer the victim an opportunity to explore the issues that lead to this behavioral pattern. As I said earlier, it can be helpful to point out to the perpetrator that they seem upset. This can eliminate the hidden agenda and minimize the level of anger by helping them understand that their feelings are recognized. The problem is their reaction is a long term pattern and the only way that can be changed is with more self awareness and the impact of their behavior on their lives.
Passive aggressive behavior does not go away by itself.
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