Politeness�Pet Peeves

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  • #608400
    shnitzy
    Member

    What is polite? What bothers you in the impolite/polite department?

    Are YOU a polite person? Have you had incidents where YOU stood up to impolite people? How many more times can I write the word before somebody screams and punches their computer screen?

    It bothers me when people are impolite.

    😛

    -If you think about it, that was extremely impolite. Sticking your tongue out in public is a cardinal offense. AKA impolite.

    #934355
    🐵 ⌨ Gamanit
    Participant

    I always make sure my younger siblings ask for things politely. If they say something like “I need ketchup” I’ll answer “Oh. That’s so interesting to hear.” until they repeat it properly as “Please can you pass me the ketchup?” I also get very nervous when people touch their food while eating. Forks and knives were invented for a reason!

    #934356
    SaysMe
    Member

    it bothers me when someone is telling over a story etc, and someone else interrupts, be it with her own related story or a comment about something going on around them, and then the conversation is redirected and the first never gets to finish what s/he had begun

    #934357
    shnitzy
    Member

    Gamanit, the monkey with a typewriter has proper table manners?! I never would’ve guessed…:P I don’t mind if it’s finger food that is meant to be eaten by hand. Otherwise, it’s totally disgusting.

    Would you rebuke someone for eating with their hands or keep it to yourself?

    SaysMe, I see that quite often. It’s as if the person is asserting that the other person has nothing of value to say. Have people ever done that to YOU?

    #934358
    SaysMe
    Member

    shnitzy- of course it’s been done to me plenty, and i’ve seen it done to others. I try redirecting the convo back for others, but when its moved on to another topic, it doesnt always work.

    #934359
    🐵 ⌨ Gamanit
    Participant

    I usually hand them a fork/knife and pretend they thought they never got one… SaysMe- there’s someone I know who tries to own every conversation. We try to hear her out because she gets insulted when given the treatment she gives others.

    #934360
    SaysMe
    Member

    gamanit- yes there are those type :P. But its become a habit, and people often don’t really realize what they are doing. I had a conversation about this with a group of girls once and was surprised how many didn’t notice themselves doing it.

    #934361
    shnitzy
    Member

    I suppose it happens more in people who have overly inflated opinions of themselves or don’t have the proper tact. I think those new social etiquette classes popping up all over are a really good idea.

    #934362
    haifagirl
    Participant

    I absolutely hate poor tale manners.

    Napkins belong on your lap, or on your chair if you get up. They do not belong on the table, especially after you have used them to wipe your mouth or nose.

    And I get really grossed out by people who scrape the dishes at the table so that there is a stack of plates with a sizable pile of chicken bones on top. The only difference between the chicken bones on the plate and those in the garbage can is location. Garbage does not belong on the table.

    And serving pieces are provided so that you don’t have to use your own fork or your hands to take food off a platter or out of a bowl.

    This one is slightly off topic since it’s not a politeness thing, but it does frequently happen at the table. I want to scream every time somebody says, “This ____ is yum.” “Yum” is an interjection. To use it properly, take some food, swallow it, then say, “Yum.” That’s it. Otherwise, if you really want an adjective, the word you are looking for is “yummy.” It is correct to say, “This ______ is yummy.”

    #934363
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    When you’re in the middle of telling a story, and someone interrupts you, it’s poor tale manners. (Haifa – time for a new keyboard 🙂 ).

    #934364
    shnitzy
    Member

    Wow. DY, you took the words right out of my mouth.

    Really, haifagirl, with all due POLITENESS, practice what you preach!;)

    So what about on the CR? What classifies as being polite? Rude? Uncalled for?

    Speak out. This should be interesting. *smirk*

    #934365
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    It bothers me when people criticize others in public for private, past, or one-time offenses. Say it bothers you when it happens, then forgive them, then don’t bring it up later.

    It is different when there is an ongoing situation, which there isn’t now.

    I like it when people say please or thank you.

    #934366
    WIY
    Member

    haifagirl

    Why is it not gross when you have chicken bones on your plate or on someone else’s but it is suddenly gross when its in a pile on top of some plates?

    You do realize that there are so many different things that can technically “gross” out different people and the best way to live is to be a mevater (Jewish word) and not be so particular about things. It will open up vistas of joy for you.

    I dont like quoting movies but one of the best movie lines of all time is “hakuna matata” from the Lion King. It really solves a lot of life’s problems if you get into that mode of thinking.

    #934367
    funnybone
    Participant

    I get irked when people tell children that they must use please. In America, we don’t say please when we ask someone to pass us something. We say “Could you pass the overnight kugel,” “Can I bother you for more kishka.” But children we insist on them saying, “Can I please have more cholent.”

    #934368
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Shnitzy, I hope you meant your criticism in good humor, as I did. It’s not her fault, her keyboard is broken.

    #934369
    shnitzy
    Member

    That’s what the wink was for.

    Tanx fo`da reminder!

    #934370
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    funnybone: Well, you should say please. It makes a kiddush Hashem.

    #934371
    shnitzy
    Member

    WIY: “vistas of joy”…I like that. Are you a writer?

    As much as we all try to be mevater, I think every person has something that irks them to the extreme. Don’t YOU?

    #934372
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    WIY, do you mean, fir example, if someone changes a diaper when you’re in the room?

    #934373
    🐵 ⌨ Gamanit
    Participant

    funnybone- I’m not just being a hypocrite when I’m telling them to use please and thank you. I generally use it myself when talking to them e.g;- “Can you please take your feet off my lap? It’s driving me insane!”

    #934374
    SaysMe
    Member

    dy- 😀

    funnybone- yes, some adults forget to use their manners, or have mastered other forms of requests that work in place of please. But when you are teaching a child a new concept, its different is it not? I dont think purple will be letting her kids ignore spelling because she likes text talk, nor that its hypocritical to. (no offense meant in the slightest purple! Keep up ur stuf! Thx 4 bein a gr8 ex 🙂 )

    #934375
    haifagirl
    Participant

    . . . we don’t say please when we ask someone to pass us something.

    Speak for yourself. I usually say “please” when I ask someone to pass me something.

    #934376
    Toi
    Participant

    can i say, haifa, plaese stop driving me nuts, and then youll listen? awesome.

    #934377
    WIY
    Member

    shnitzy and Daas Yochid

    I like to write and occasionally get an urge to spice up my sentences with some flair.

    There are few things that gross me out, but those things are truly gross and accepted by most normal people as gross and insensitive, like someone sitting across from you and picking their nose, or someone changing a dirty diaper by a meal, or even someone burping loudly especially by a meal.

    #934378
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    WIY, you should still be mevater. It will open up 7 windows of joy for you.

    (I’m teasing, but you do write nicely.)

    #934379
    oomis
    Participant

    I think people who do not give up a seat to an elderly person or pregnant woman, are impolite. I think that people who criticize others in a public forum, without thought as to the potential onaas devarim, are impolite. I think that anyone who does something AVOIDABLE that causes discomfort or upset to someone else, is impolite, as well as thoughtless, and inconsiderate. I especially think it is impolite to refuse to own up to one’s offense and say “sorry” and mean it, when one becomes apprised of having been impolite. Yes, we should try to be mevater, but sometimes we should NOT. Please try to be more polite. Thank you.

    #934380
    funnybone
    Participant

    I believe that there are two ways of stating a request politely; one way is please, the other way is stating it as a question. Please pass the salt is option 1. Can you pass the salt? is option 2. Keep your ears open and you’ll see that most people use option 2.

    #934381
    SaysMe
    Member

    young children dont yet have control over those pragmatics of understanding that ”can you…” is a request and a polite one. ‘Please’ is understood first.

    #934382
    haifagirl
    Participant

    I usually use option 3 and say, “Could you please pass the . . . ?”

    #934383
    haifagirl
    Participant

    Why is it not gross when you have chicken bones on your plate or on someone else’s but it is suddenly gross when its in a pile on top of some plates?

    It’s not so much that the big pile of bones is gross, though it is. Remember, those bones are garbage. As such, it should be removed from the table without further ado. The thought of people’s playing with garbage at the table is what grosses me out.

    #934384
    oomis
    Participant

    Excuse me, but have you any Grey Poupon?

    #934385
    shnitzy
    Member

    haifagirl: Who said people are “playing with” it?

    I think it can be piled nicely at the table, as long as it is brought into the kitchen right away.

    #934386
    wanderingchana
    Participant

    If you’re missing a letter on your keyboard, for example “b”, just copy a b from the screen and paste wherever you need.

    Copy (control-c) this: b or this: B

    Then paste: bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

    (Reading that last part out loud at the dinner table is also bad manners.)

    #934387
    shnitzy
    Member

    I wonder if that post bothered haifagirl.

    I also wonder if this post will make it through the eyes of the all-seeing and all-knowing…

    #934388
    haifagirl
    Participant

    haifagirl: Who said people are “playing with” it?

    “Playing with” was a bad choice of words. I apologize. I’ll rephrase that.

    The thought of people’s rearranging garbage at the table is what grosses me out.

    #934389
    wanderingchana
    Participant

    Toi: can i say, haifa, plaese stop driving me nuts, and then youll listen? awesome.

    Let me help you increase the chances: Can I say, “Haifa, please stop driving me nuts”, and then you’ll listen? Awesome.

    #934390
    golfer
    Participant

    Haifagirl, I enjoy your vigilance, your corrections, and your grammatical analyses. It came as no surprise to me that you are also attached to proper table manners, and all sorts of manners. But alas, I must object to one of your pet peeves!

    You want to “scream” when someone says “this is yum”? Please. I’m not the first (or thousandth) person to say this, so excuse the familiar phrase, but don’t sweat the small stuff. When someone says “this is yum,” or even “this is so yum,” don’t waste your energy on suppressing a scream. Be happy that you can sit and share a meal that at least one person at the table finds delicious. Taking our blessings for granted and not appreciating our loved ones and dinner/work/life companions is where a lot of impoliteness starts, n’est-ce pas?

    #934391
    dotnetter
    Member

    I’m with oomis. I get extremely annoyed when children don’t stand up for older people.

    For example, when I am at a kiddush and a parent is sitting at one of the (few!) tables with his/her 4 young children next to him/her, and there are MANY adults without seats (yes, older men/women and pregnant women), it makes me so sad. What kind of parents are you?? I (and my siblings) were never, ever, EVER was allowed sit at a kiddush or in shul unless EVERY single man/woman in the room had a seat or did not want to sit. And neither were we allowed to be of the ‘first’ to grab food. Children don’t take before adults. Children don’t sit before adults.

    And before you all scream out that ‘this is what makes children go off the derech’ etc. let me tell you that we did NOT resent it. It taught us how to respect people older then us. Until this day, I will stand the entire davening if there is someone older than me without a seat.

    #934392
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    For example, when I am at a kiddush and a parent is sitting at one of the (few!) tables with his/her 4 young children next to him/her, and there are MANY adults without seats (yes, older men/women and pregnant women), it makes me so sad. What kind of parents are you?? I (and my siblings) were never, ever, EVER was allowed sit at a kiddush or in shul unless EVERY single man/woman in the room had a seat or did not want to sit.

    I wholeheartedly disagree with this. Kids are people too, and like food, and like going to a kiddush, just as adults do. The adults are responsible for making sure that the kids have access to the kiddush in a fair way, and that includes having seats. If there are not enough seats, that is the adults’ fault, and I think the adults should stand up to give the kids seats.

    I get outraged when I see adults telling kids they don’t deserve to sit at the kiddush.

    #934393
    🐵 ⌨ Gamanit
    Participant

    I don’t agree 100% with dotnetter. I remember being five years old and walking for a half an hour to a kiddush. By the time we got there I was exhausted. I sat down and was yelled at to get up and give my seat to someone older. I did get up and my feet continued to hurt the entire time- I didn’t end up getting a seat at all. Now by simchas I always give little kids some time to sit. Their feet are smaller and the walk is harder on them.

    #934394
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant
    #934395
    dotnetter
    Member

    Gamanit, Popa, I agree.

    And that is why my kids sit on my lap at kiddeishim, and get my seat when I am done. Yes, it may be less enjoyable for me, but you’re right, my kids are people to and deserve to eat and to sit. But not to take a seat before an adult.

    The chinnuch of my children is worth a little bit of discomfort.

    #934396
    🐵 ⌨ Gamanit
    Participant

    ” his/her 4 young children next to him/her,” Wow do you have big laps… I don’t have room for more than two at a time

    #934397
    dotnetter
    Member

    I’ve got one on each foot, one on my shoulders, and one on my head. Come to a kiddush with me and I’ll teach you how to do it too.

    All kidding aside, I dont bring 4 children with me. If I did, that would be a wonderful chance to teach about sharing, taking turns, being mevater – letting a different sibling eat before you etc.

    #934398
    haifagirl
    Participant

    You want to “scream” when someone says “this is yum”? Please.

    Have you ever been to a concert or a recital when one of the musicians hits a wrong note? It’s quite jarring.

    When I hear someone say something incorrectly, it feels the same way. It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. (So is someone’s saying, “Lay down.”)

    #934399
    shnitzy
    Member

    Gosh, you must have a hard life. People are constantly making grammatical mistakes everywhere…

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