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February 20, 2017 3:10 am at 3:10 am #619291rebshidduchParticipant
Is it true that most people get married through their friends or are their random shadchanim who can make a shidduch work as well?
February 20, 2017 1:38 pm at 1:38 pm #1217287MenoParticipantWell it depends what you mean by “people”
February 20, 2017 2:09 pm at 2:09 pm #1217288Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantSomeone just recently told me that while most people go to shadchanim, most people don’t end up getting married through a shadchan.
I don’t know if it’s true or not, and as Meno pointed out, it might depend which people. I would guess that people who are well-connected are more likely to be set up by people they know.
Going to a shadchan is hishtadlus. According to the Sifrei mussar, when you do hishtadlus, it doesn’t necessarily mean that Hashem will bring your yeshua directly through your hishtadlus. Hashem won’t bring your yeshua unless you do your hishtadlus, but He might not bring it directly through your hishtadlus. The only criteria is that the hishtadlus must be reasonable.
It seems to me that going to at least one or two or three shadchanim is reasonable hishtadlus, and then one can leave it up to Hashem to send your zivug through whatever means He chooses. (you may also need other means of hishtadlus as well.)
February 20, 2017 10:40 pm at 10:40 pm #1217289rebshidduchParticipantLilmod, and that is why I wish my friends brother was older and solved all the issues if I liked his older brother I probably would like him even more based on my new criteria.
February 21, 2017 12:38 am at 12:38 am #1217290Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantRebshidduch – try to work on your bitachon that Hashem can send you your zivug through many means. All types of people have met their zivugim in all types of ways.
We are not allowed to daven to marry a specific person because we don’t know who our zivug is. We have to trust in Hashem that He will send the right one at the right time in the right way.
February 21, 2017 2:17 am at 2:17 am #1217291rebshidduchParticipantLilmod, but I know theirs potential if he were older or if I chasvichalila am still not married.
February 21, 2017 2:24 am at 2:24 am #1217292Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantYou don’t know that. That is the point.
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