shidduchim

Okay, so the rabbi/teacher reference is very important (did I include that on my form? If not, I should’ve). Still can’t guarantee it will always be called, and can’t guarantee it will always help- people try to find alternate routes of getting the same information- but it’s not a rookie move except insofar as you can expect that other people won’t necessarily do it.

(Basically, when I say rookie move, I meant “not necessarily a bad idea, but expect people to be ‘smarter than that’ and try to get around it, for reasons of which some are better than others.” Basically, put down references you trust, call the listed references, and try to find unlisted references as well- both on your end [people who are likely to be discovered and called] and on theirs.)

As far as the rabbi, I’m not even sure that that’s always helpful- it depends on your specific relationship with your rabbi. My family holds my (shul, because it seems that’s what we’re talking about here) rabbi in the highest esteem and asks him many shailos, but our lifestyle is quite different than his, and he doesn’t necessarily have a good picture of what we’d be looking to find out. But if you do think that you and your rabbi are on the same page about it and the rabbi is able to help you out, then that’s a great suggestion.