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Shidduchim a LESSON FOR LIFE!

(45 posts)
  • Started 3 years ago by APushetaYid
  • Latest reply from phrum

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  1. APushetaYid
    Member

    Did you ever wonder why hashem made the process of a shidduch so hard? He could have just made it much simpler. Why do people have to search for their shidduch? Why ask around? Get disappointed? Well for all of you who shidduchim don't go so easily. Know there is a reason for e/t. And the reason for the shidduch process is to teach us a lesson for life.... 1 word 1 answer

    BITUCHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    YES! hashem wants us to have bituchin even if it sounds like you hit a dead end. And you don't know what to do? know hashem wants us to depend on him. He likes our teffilohs! That's the shidduch process and that’s why it is so complicated.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  2. WolfishMusings
    The Wolf

    Couldn't you say the same thing about any adversity one faces in life?

    If so, why do you think that it's applicable especially to shidduchim?

    The Wolf

    Posted 3 years ago #
  3. Dr. Pepper
    Ph.D.

    APushetaYid-

    I thought of another reason:

    The harder you work for something the more you appreciate it.

    Had my wife been the first one I went out with I might have thought that everyone is normal, but since I had to have so many crazy incidents I appreciate her much more since I know she's one of a kind.

    But I do agree with you that you need bitachon.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  4. Sacrilege
    the real one

    So those who marry their first date dont have to appreciate their spouse/ already have perfect Bitachon?

    Don't try to understand Hash-m.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  5. theprof1
    Member

    Bitochon in Hashem is definitely both an outcome and a prerequisite for a shidduch. So you could say that the reason for anything is bitochon: children, life, parnoso. Yet each concept has its particular raison d'etre. A Shidduch is the process that Hashem established to bring a couple together, what the Torah says is v'dovak b'ishto, to become a family unit. After the aveira of eitz hadas, Hashem punished humanity with the curse of be'zayis apecho toichal lechem, humanity has to work hard for parnoso. Yosef said to Potiphar's wife that her husband denied him nothing except "halechem asher hu ochel" the "bread" that the master ate, a euphemism for his wife. So we see that "bread" is used by the Torah as both parnoso and zivug. Chazal say that "kosho zvugosom ke'krias yam suf" and also "kosho parnesoso ke'krias yam suf". Both parnoso and shidduchim are likened to krias yam suf. Just as krias yam suf was dependent on bitochon, so are parnoso and shidduch dependent on bitochon. Just as krias yam suf was each shevet turning in an arc around and through the sea, and therefore one shevet walked longer and the rest shorter, so too is a shidduch sometimes a long process and sometimes a short process. Chazal also say that the parnoso of a family is dependent on the actions and prayers of the wife. Hashem connected parnoso and shidduch at the very beginning as part of the punishment of humanity for the sin of eating the fruit of the eitz hadas. Bitochon in hashem is the tikun and atonement for that sin.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  6. Dr. Pepper
    Ph.D.

    Sacrilege-

    Everyone is different.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  7. SJSinNYC
    always pleasant

    Sac, that's me!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  8. blinky
    Blinquie

    Its so true you see it all the time how Hashem orchestrates everything- I think every shidduch story has a hasgacha pratis story behing it.

    (Apusheta- are you in the parsha, or are you past it and just saying it from experience- just curious:)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  9. Sacrilege
    the real one

    Dr P
    Which is why making these statements seems foolish to me.

    SJS
    You have perfect Bitachon or you dont appreciate your husband ;)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  10. WIY
    Managed to post for 3 years without getting a subtitle

    Sacrilege
    I think Popa makes a good point. Everyone needs something else because everyone is different and has a different nature. Yes some people may need a longer dating period to test their Emunah and Bitachon, others might need it so they will appreciate their spouse others might need it to work on other areas. For some it can be learning to be happy for others even when they have what you so strongly desire (spouse children...)
    Being single can be a gift if used properly to analyze oneself and work on what has to be worked on. There are singles that just go around being depressed and angry at G-d and the world. Sometimes they will even cast an ayin hara on others. That's not the purpose of being single!
    Everything in life is a test. We just have to figure out what part of us is being tested and overcome those challenges.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  11. Sacrilege
    the real one

    WIY
    I dont disagree that for each person being single there is a different reason. To make a blanket statement, the reason why you need to be single is for you to strengthen your emuna. Or to say, the reason you are single is because you need to learn to appreciate your spouse.... its plain ridiculous.

    If someone decides on their own why they are single thats one thing...

    Posted 3 years ago #
  12. APushetaYid
    Member

    I am still single and shidduchim are very hard!! the only thing that keeps me going is bituchin! there is nothing else i can do! you just feel helpless.. and there is a reason for that to depend of hashem! I never feel down because of my beleif I trust hashem 100%

    Posted 3 years ago #
  13. blinky
    Blinquie

    Good for you, same here:)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  14. theprof1
    Member

    The previous Gerrer Rebbe Pnei Menachem ztzl once explained why Amuka helps. He said that amuka is the burial place of Rebbi Yonosson ben Uziel, one of Hillel's talmidim. The Gemoroh in Sukkah 28a tells us that while he was absorbed in studying Torah if a bird flew over his head it would be burnt. The Rebbe said that when a single person goes their - their "feigelech in kop" are burnt. That is, their fantasies and illusions of what Mr. or Miss Right must be.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  15. Sacrilege
    the real one

    "I never feel down because of my beleif I trust hashem 100%"

    Its the Prozac that does it for me. :)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  16. WIY
    Managed to post for 3 years without getting a subtitle

    Sacrilege
    Right. You can't make blanket statements. But I think each single can figure out for themselves what they should be doing with this extra time Hashem gave them. Although that would require brutal honesty for some and not everybody can take that.

    Btw did you listen to any shiurim after that first one? I also want to recommend Rabbi Wallersteins shiurim. He speaks very well and is very inspiring. I think you will appreciate. He has 2 speeches a week on average one is to boys one is to girls so you would have to open the videos to see which is which.

    http://torahanytime.com/Rabbi/Zecharia_Wallerstein/index.html

    Posted 3 years ago #
  17. WIY
    Managed to post for 3 years without getting a subtitle

    Theprof1
    Love that tidbit from the Pnei Menachem! You have any more?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  18. Sacrilege
    the real one

    WIY
    Been waaaay to busy downloading every piece of Jewish music I can find. I'm not a massive fan of Rabbi W., but I'll check out the site again and see if anyone else piques my interest.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  19. oomis
    Best Bubby EVER

    You appreciate much more, that which you have to work harder to attain.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  20. WolfishMusings
    The Wolf

    I never feel down because of my beleif I trust hashem 100%

    I guess that must mean that my trust is lacking. :(

    The Wolf

    Posted 3 years ago #
  21. WIY
    Managed to post for 3 years without getting a subtitle

    Sacrilege

    Can I ask why you don't like Rabbi W?
    Ok Ill make your life easier as I have heard shiurim from many of the Rabbanim on the site Ill make some recommendations.
    Try
    Rabbi Kraft
    Rabbi Rietti (you can also find his shiurim as well as other Rabannims shiurim on other sites like http://www.simpletoremember.com/ I highly recommend that website there are wonderful shiurim and articles there that everyone should read)
    Rabbi Kelemen
    Rabbi Tatz
    Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis (I don't listen to her shiurim but she's supposedly amazing)
    Rabbi Fingerer
    Rabbi Frank
    Rabbi Orlofsky
    Rabbi Mordechai Becher (one of my favorites, the man has lectured on every topic and is quite humorous and he's Australian so you may get a kick out of his accent)
    Rabbi Shafier from the shmuz also amazing speaker very down to earth.

    Ok I think that's enough for now lol.
    But please check out simpletoremember.com you will find it fascinating.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  22. WIY
    Managed to post for 3 years without getting a subtitle

    Sacrilege
    You said you are busy downloading Jewish music. I just want to bring something to your attention, if you don't pay for it its assur to copy. Its geneiva.
    Many people are unaware of this.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  23. crdle
    Member

    sacrelige- thats stealing...
    APY- are u looking for a chasidish or haimish girl? maybe i have someone for u. how old are u?
    and no one ever told me when u guys refer to OP, what does that mean?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  24. theprof1
    Member

    WIY - yes I have many. My brother was the Rebbe's meshamesh when he was here in New York on occasion. Another cute story. A guy had a mishigas, he asked every rov or rosh yeshiva the same question. Shnayim ochzim b'talis, yachloiku, split the talis. His question, what can you do with a split talis of only 2 tzitzis each. Theya ll laughed because everone knows it means the value. When anyone tried to explain it means the value, he would say you don't know, the mishna clearly says yachloiku, split the talis. When he asked the Pnei Menachem, he answered, the 2 tzitzis talis is good for Boruch She'omar. End of story.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  25. crdle
    Member

    One thing I do agree with Sacrelige is about r wallerstein. I don't care for his speeches either. u hear one u hear em all! all its about it girls and boys and the shticks they do in teh country. Enough, get new subjects to talk about!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  26. WIY
    Managed to post for 3 years without getting a subtitle

    Theprof1
    Lol that's great! Wow the PM zatzal was mamish sharp, that's what the Gerrer Rebbes are known for. I really chap Hanaah from these types of stories. Thanks!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  27. WIY
    Managed to post for 3 years without getting a subtitle

    Crdle
    I heard many of his speeches maybe close to 30. That's not all he talks about at all. He speaks on various topics. However the issue of what goes on in the country kills him. He cares and has saved 100's if not 1000's of neshamos. We don't have enough people like him who care and are moiser nefesh to do all in their power to help struggling teens and people in their 20's. That's called Ahavas Yisroel!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  28. Sacrilege
    the real one

    WIY & crdle
    As my bank statement will clearly reflect at the end of the month all music was paid for. Geez, I'm trying to decide if I should be insulted.... ;)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  29. whatrutalkingabt
    I need 2 know what u r talking abt

    APushetaYid-
    That reminds me of a speech that Rabbi Orlofsky gives-
    He asks why doesnt your bashert just knock on your door and say "Hi I'm your bashert- where can I put my bags?"
    Because Hashem does a favor for us by making us work hard for it so that we'll appreciate it much more
    He says it better...but that was the gist of it
    (the whole speech is on Torahanytime.com)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  30. phrum
    Member

    WIY & cradle
    Where's the ayin tov? ;-) Sacrigege never said she didn't pay for her tunes, and there are also plenty of free music available for legal download as well. (jk)

    But on a more serious note, crdle, are you the new YWN shaddchan?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  31. oomis
    Best Bubby EVER

    Shnayim ochzim b'talis, yachloiku, "

    If that's the exact wording (and no more in the sentence...) then I SAY it means - if two guys take hold of one tallis, they should fight over it (Yachloku). ;)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  32. WIY
    Managed to post for 3 years without getting a subtitle

    Sacrilege
    You are right I should have been Dan Lkaf zchus. From the way it sounded it seemed like you were downloading things that you thought were free.
    I give you a Bracha that you should always do things honestly and never have a taiva to do otherwise.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  33. WIY
    Managed to post for 3 years without getting a subtitle

    Sacrilege
    I mentioned previously you shouldn't say geez its short for jezus.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  34. FunnyBunny
    Member

    I didn't read through this whole thread, only the first few posts, and I want to say, yes, I agree that's it's a fantastic way of instilling bitachon, but it's more than that. My husband was not my first boy, but once I got engaged to him, I was able to see very clearly how every single boy I went out with before him had taught me a personal life lesson, that made me stronger as a person and able to further date other people.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  35. minyan gal
    limericist extrordinaire

    crdle: I think that I mentioned this on another thread but perhaps you didn't notice it. OP means original poster - that is the person that started the thread. For this thread about shidduchim it was APushetaYid.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  36. Sacrilege
    the real one

    WIY
    No offense, what a sorry Bracha...
    (and you arent my Rabbi ;)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  37. Moq
    Not to be confused with the Goq

    Sacrilege
    You said you are busy downloading Jewish music. I just want to bring something to your attention, if you don't pay for it its assur to copy. Its geneiva.
    Many people are unaware of this.

    -----------

    Hehehe....naseh k'zavach if it's on the internet( as per R' Elyashiv that the internet is d'vild vest). Ask a Rov :)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  38. phrum
    Member

    Sacrilege
    Are you buying all this music in preparation of your ipad? ;-)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  39. Sacrilege
    the real one

    phrum
    Is it on its way? :D

    Posted 3 years ago #
  40. phrum
    Member

    Sacrilege
    Am I on my way to your Shabbos tisch?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  41. Sacrilege
    the real one

    phrum
    You tell me

    Posted 3 years ago #
  42. phrum
    Member

    Sacrilege
    I think I we both would really enjoy that (even sans ipad, c"v) and I appreciate you hospitality. I am busy this shabbos and probably in Beijing next shabbos and HK after that (I could get a fresh ipad right from the source over there), but I'd love to arrange it for after that. (The timing is a little inconvenient this time and I hate to interrupt my seder, but I am looking forward to a total of about 40 hours quality learning time on the plane, and last night I loaded 61 GB of shiurim onto my hard drive for it! Also, there is a great community with good learning in HK. In any case, as they say, duty calls!

    Also, it doesn't have to be Shabbos when we get together, or even over a Tish!

    Mod's, please give Sacrilege my email. Thanks!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  43. Sacrilege
    the real one

    phrum
    "I could get a fresh ipad right from the source over there"
    Or a cheap knock off ;)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  44. WIY
    Managed to post for 3 years without getting a subtitle

    Sacrilege
    My Bracha is a sorry Bracha? I don't think so. There's a reason why the pasuk says Mi Yaaleh Bhar Hashem Umi Yakum Bimkom Kadsho NAKKI KAPPAYIM...

    Posted 3 years ago #
  45. phrum
    Member

    C"V!
    ;-)

    Posted 3 years ago #

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