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Shidduchim Tips
(135 posts)-
Posted 3 years ago #
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You are absolutely right syrian..
Posted 3 years ago # -
K just checking lol!
Posted 3 years ago # -
syrian, definately true but boys have a direct path to becoming frummer and straighting out their name-they go learn in yeshiva in israel or some other place and when it comes time for his shidduchim, all you can say about him is that he's the best boy in the yeshiva. While the girl is out of school at 17 and then she's on her own and what will she change? Her clothes? So obviously the main thing people will look at is her messed up years cuz theres nothing else.
Posted 3 years ago # -
syrian- I actually agree with that. Somehow, a boy jumps yeshivahs (mesivtah, beis medrash etc.) and things just disappear as if they never happened. You start fresh and you're all forgiven (and nobody digs or remembers that far back).
I once heard my mother saying: the boys protect each other. You can never get the dirt from a friend or chavrusah. Whereas the girls have almost no problem pointing out a bad middah or characteristic.
I repeat- ALMOST have no problem. They don't go around bad mouthing each other. But if you happen upon a girl that dislikes whom you're calling about.... not too hard to get to the dirt.2 points for the guys
(now everyone- 1,2,3 pounce)Posted 3 years ago # -
aveirim, true! you know watz even crazier about girls? That if they're jealous they have no problem making it sound like your not the greatest, prettiest girl out there. It's sad. fellow girls get a grip and be nice will ya!
Posted 3 years ago # -
Rightly or wrongly, I believe the following metzius to exist.
There are many girls who will accept, embrace (and even desire as a 1st choice) a boy who "went off" and came back.
Few boys would consider a girl in such a situation. And I know no male who would consider such a match "ideal".
Posted 3 years ago # -
JayMatt- why is that?
Posted 3 years ago # -
Myshadow: that's a good point!!
Areivem: lol I won't disagree on that its mostly true, just depending on the girl!! If she's a girl who has good middot she most prob. won't go bad mouthing her friend EVEN if she might be jealous of her, that's what I think but I'm NOT disagreeing with what u said!
Posted 3 years ago # -
the girls themselves agree! that is so depressing ;););)
Posted 3 years ago # -
To areivimzehlazeh, no idea. I just know there are some girls that LOOK for suck a guy. (and often the yeshivos he went to give it away, not sure the mods would allow me to be more specific)
Posted 3 years ago # -
jaymatt, ur right- at least, speaking for myself.
im a girl looking for my bashert (cue: violins swelling in the background) and i would jump at a shidduch idea of a guy who went off and then came back, and now has an extraordinary, solid view on life.
they're more real.Posted 3 years ago # -
the whole jealousy thing with girls is defiantly true-(b'h not for me -i say they are not marrying my chosson so great 4 them) thats why mothers only like to call married friends!!!! and btw my father asked the chavrusa of a boy i was redd to whats he like and he said straight out that there was s/t a little off about him(and there was)
Posted 3 years ago # -
Belev echad: I liked ur violins in the background :) !!!!
Areivem: I'm only agreeing because I unfortunatley know some girls like that. BARUCH HASHEM, BLI AYIN HARA, I don't have that jealousy issue!! And I hope I stay that way, AMEN!! But in the 'not frum world', girls are the biggest back stabbers
Posted 3 years ago # -
It is not that difficult to figure out sometimes.
Left high school early. (gap of time 1/2 year unaccounted for). Went to a Yeshiva in Israel (which caters to bochrim with addictions and who might not be shomer shabbos). Was there for 3 years. Went to a "Black" yeshiva for 4th year. Then moved to the Mir.
When you see a resume like that, do you need specifics, or do you feel you have a clear enough picture?
Posted 3 years ago # -
JayMatt,
Speculating, it seems to me that perhaps it is worse when a girl goes off compared to a guy. To use one example, if both a guy and a girl go off in the worst way, hamavin yovin, the girl is more permanently affected (not at all to discount how a guy is affected) to the extent it changes her future kesuba. I think it may play out similarly perhaps with other issues as well.
This is just a personal thought; not certain as to its accuracy. Any thoughts?
Posted 3 years ago # -
Its not something I would spill on a first date, but at the point you are ready to propose, I think all important secrets should come out. My husband and I had some very honest conversations before we were truly ready to get married and I am so happy we did. Ultimately, did it matter? No, but if I had found out after we were engaged or married, I would have felt betrayed and lied to. And once you start worrying about your spouse lying...
Posted 3 years ago # -
:)
Posted 3 years ago # -
ames: he should've hired charlie brown.$
Posted 3 years ago # -
so where should i take my date next time????????? ideas please!!!!!!!!
Posted 3 years ago # -
so, asdf, where was it????
~a~
Posted 3 years ago # -
Ames, that is really nice. Unfortunately, sometimes I used DH as a sounding board for complaining about my in-laws. Only he can truly understand :-)
Posted 3 years ago # -
Joseph: funny you mebtioned that cause i just heard of a guy, that bidafka didn't take off his hat till his l'chaim with the girl! sounded bizzar to me!
Posted 3 years ago # -
kapusta: that i don't know about! i should find out!
Posted 3 years ago # -
Coming back to the opening thread. "instead of constantly complaining about the shidduch crisis, why don't we do something about it? i think ....."
Clearly the most effective course of action regarding the shidduch crises is to close the age gap. Being that age gap is the key cause of the shidduch crisis closing the age gap by encouraging more close in age shiddcuhim would be the most effective way to "do something about it".
Posted 3 years ago # -
Just a quick note - the above comment by "Joseph" is a different poster than myself. (See the profile.)
Posted 3 years ago # -
Joseph, your recent comments have had me laughing. Even the style of writing has changed dramatically. If it were closer to Purim, I'd think a Mod was doing a spoof. Whatever the reason, it's been fun reading them.
Posted 3 years ago # -
hang on, Josephf you weren't the one posting about obama all this time??
Posted 3 years ago # -
well this is interesting - & neither of you (who was first?) are disturbed that there's another poster with your screen name? how is that even possible? mods? want to shed some light on the subject?
Posted 3 years ago # -
hey that's just so confusing!
Posted 3 years ago # -
Oh. How did that happen?
Posted 3 years ago # -
Nose clips?? Perhaps tissues to dry the tears of the hundreds and hundreds (it's actually in the thousands) of girls who are the unfortunate victims of our collective indifference. B"H of late some movement has been made to take steps to alleviate the situation. "Joseph" I apologize if the shidduch situation makes you uncomfortable but that's not a reason to prevent discussion on the topic. After all what greater segula and\or tip could their possibly be than to alleviate the core problem.
Posted 3 years ago # -
moish - correct; it was not me. I've been posting in the CR under this SN since June '08
(when the CR was established.) The other one started posting yesterday.Posted 3 years ago # -
Thought this thread was about shidduchim tips not screen names.
In one of the frum papers over yom there was ad with some interesting suggestions for closing the age gap. One of them appears to be a brillinat suggestion.
"If come tu b'shvat\tamuz (i.e. lakewood freezer) bochurim are only permitted to date girls over 21, and to date younger girls they need to wait till the end of the zeman, then boys would have a strong incentive to date girls their own age."
Now that's a great idea!
Posted 3 years ago #
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