Is it normal for people to end up marrying someone they did not expect? I mean, like let's say you had this image in your head of who your spouse was going to be like and then you get introduced to someone and you end up liking the person, even though this person is not exactly who you envisioned.
Does this happen often?
YWN Coffee Room » Shidduchim
To Tie the 'Knot' or Not?
(9 posts)-
Posted 1 year ago #
-
if they had an 'image in their head', then they will [always?] end up marrying someone different.
Posted 1 year ago # -
no one has anything smart to say on the issue.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I heard of many cases where someone said they will not marry someone:
older
with a beard
taller, shorter
smokes
with glasses
and ended up doing exactly that!Posted 1 year ago # -
I had a friend whom that happened to and, in fact, recently mentioned him in a blog post on the shidduch system.
The relevant quote:
When he was dating, he had a list of traits (both physical and non-physical) that his future wife had to have. She had to be in a specific age range, with specific hair color, a weight range and on and on. He dated for a while, unsuccessfully. And then, something happened.
He moved out of town and met, apparently on his own, a divorced mother fifteen years his senior. She was overweight and had the "wrong" hair color. And, yet, he was deliriously happy with her. He found his match. She certainly wasn't was he was looking for on the physical side, but he was so happy with her emotionally, mentally and spiritually that he simply put all that aside and decided that he loved her for who she was inside, despite the fact that she had all these qualities (older, overweight, divorced, mother) that would have caused her to be kept out of the "shidduch market." In other words, once he found someone he was happy with, the physical side of his "wish list" became less important and, perhaps, irrelevant. They're still married, fifteen years later.
The Wolf
Posted 1 year ago # -
Wow, Wolf. So I'm guessing from all the other posts too that it's quite relevant to marry someone thay didn't think of.
Do people ever say, "Oh, why did I marry her/him if that is not who I really wanted?"
Posted 1 year ago # -
I know someone who is a Russian baalas teshuva, in her twenties, who became a baalas teshuva when she was eighteen. She decided that she wanted to marry another Russian baal teshuva, because of similar backgrounds, and live in either Russia in a kiruv community or in Israel. She has now been married for three years to an FFB sefardi and they live in Brooklyn.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Most people I know stuck within the range of what they knew. I know a number of stories of people who married spouses who were nothing Iike what they originally sought (YU marrying Yeshivish/Mir, Lakewood, etc).
Posted 12 months ago # -
Wow, it is so interesting how sometimes people end up marrying someone they never imagined. I still think it is a dareing move to marry someone like that. Unless I experience otherwise, thst is.
Posted 12 months ago #
Reply
You must log in to post.
RSS