Unconditional love

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  • #611787
    WIY
    Member

    There’s been a lot of talk regarding unconditionally loving your child and OTD. This isn’t about that. I want to know if you think that one is meant to unconditionally love their spouse. I have seen statements from various contemporary young Rabbis that one should unconditionally love their spouse. I just don’t know if that is reasonable or possible. I mean if the spouse is not being respectful to you and isn’t doing their part or is running up crazy bills or doing other things that is really wrecking the day to day shalom Bayis how can one just be expected to unconditionally love their spouse especially if the spouse isn’t acting that way to us? Maybe I just have the wrong idea about marriage. I’m not married so I can’t speak from experience. I’m just thinking about this from a logical standpoint and it makes no sense to me.

    #1013713
    Bless You
    Participant

    Marriage is about a give and take between spouses with both investing as much as possible at all times. There are obviously different needs and capabilities in a relationship and one spouse may be investing more at any given time. Unconditional love would mean that both would still love and care for each other despite the imbalance.

    #1013715
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    One should unconditionally love everyone, but love for a child is different and stronger. Love and approval are two very different things.

    #1013716
    WIY
    Member

    rebyidd23

    Technically one should love their spouse more than one’s child. Your spouse comes first.

    #1013717
    Trust 789
    Member

    Technically one should love their spouse more than one’s child. Your spouse comes first

    Depends on the age of the child. Minors should come before the spouse. Adult children, it depends on the issues.

    #1013718
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    True love cannot be measured and should not be compared.

    #1013719
    Redleg
    Participant

    Trust, WIY is right. Love of one’s spouse always comes before love of one’s child. See my previous post.

    #1013720
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    No, because part of loving your spouse is loving your spouse’sz child.

    #1013721
    Poster
    Member

    Loving ur child comes naturally while loving a spouse has to be worked on and cultivated.

    #1013722
    funnybone
    Participant

    Marriage is a give and take. And yes, we all have expectations. But, do we love our spouse because of what we get? Or just because? The more you love your spouse just because, and the more you give (in a healthy relationship the more you give the more your spouse will), the happier and stronger your marriage will be.

    #1013723

    This is interesting. I remember hearing from a rabbi once that spouses need to be going/ looking in the same direction for a marriage to work. I think i once understood that, not sure if i still do. Marriage is a commitment. Barring any extremes, youre married for life. May as well give it your all and love your spouse, no?

    Making it conditional will not make life happier for you.

    #1013724
    twisted
    Participant

    The unconditional love in our home was doled out freely by our two mutts.

    #1013725
    pixelate
    Member

    I love my conditioner and shampoo equally.

    #1013726
    watheruh
    Member

    ?? ???? ???? ????? ????, ??? ???, ???? ????; ?????? ????? ????, ???? ????? ?????.

    #1013727
    oomis
    Participant

    I want to know if you think that one is meant to unconditionally love their spouse”

    This is a good question. I think that one ideally should love one’s spouse unconditionally UNDER REASONABLE CIRCUMSTANCES, meaning that the spouse is not being physically and/or emotionally abusive, and that the spouse is upholding the reasonable expectations of being that spouse. Unconditional LOVE is good. Unconditional TOLERANCE (of bad behavior, dishonesty, abuse, untruthfulness,substance abuse etc.) is NOT. You can love someone, but hate some of their actions.

    #1013728
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    Conditional love is not love. That is for your grocer and delivery boy: according to their output that’s how much regard you have for them. Shalom Bayis means a loving relatioship, not an un-screaming brush-by. If someone is inhibiting that, it should be dealt with.

    There is some circular reasoning in the OP. If one is ruining the Shalom Bayis how can you ask if there is supposed to be Shalom Bayis?

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