Hi all,
I'm a bt, and recently started looking into getting married. What are the costs for a wedding on the lower-middle end of the spectrum? (In brooklyn)
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Wedding Costs
(44 posts)-
Posted 9 months ago #
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You should ask cshapiro she would know.
Posted 9 months ago # -
are you deciding if you would like to get married based on how much its going to cost? i am confused.
Posted 9 months ago # -
funny just wants to know what s/he is up against :)
Posted 9 months ago # -
I'm a he.
No, planning on it either way, but would like to know what to expect.Posted 9 months ago # -
Why does a wedding have to cost so much
Why cant you just have a small affair in a backyard. Maybe get married in a shul and then go to a restaurant. Maybe with some taped music. You can get a restaurant for $30 a plate.
Just because everyone else does it, doesnt mean you should
Posted 9 months ago # -
How many people do you expect to have at the wedding? That will help you determine which hall is on your short list. Some have mininmums of 225 couples, others have it capped at 50 cpls.
From there, we can talk about the trimmings (band, booze, pics, ect)
Posted 9 months ago # -
if ur not planning on getting married and wont have kids to marry off why do you wanna know? and if you are planning on it I would tell you to go ahead with it and just dont overspend....
Posted 9 months ago # -
zahavasdad i agree 100%.
i tried to have hot dogs and hamburgers served at my daughters Chasunah
alas after my daughter began crying and my wife turned her eyes into a pair of lethal ray guns, i saw it was not to be.Posted 9 months ago # -
And if all your daughters friends drove Bently's does that mean you should get her one too.
Why should anyone spend $50,000 on a wedding that they cant afford and need a 3rd mortgage on a house.
And if you daughter insists on it, then let her pay for it
Posted 9 months ago # -
Well the first thing I must say is you’re going on display
And what will people think if the wedding isn’t nice enough
None of the neighbors on your block have to know you’re in hock
So no matter what it costs it’s worth the pricePosted 9 months ago # -
i find weddings so annoying- but before you jump on me let me explain. They are all the same. There is nothing PERSONAL about the chuppa... nothing personal about the dancing. the guests usually wanna be home taking care of things- not at the wedding all dressed up.... and the chosson and kallah are enjoying but not enough for it to all be worth it. I went to a stunning Defardi wedding last night and was hooked. they are so beautiful. The chuppa has tonz of singing and its so much more personal. the kallah gets into a suit and hat at the end and came back in to dance and it was just stunning. I really thought it was so so so much nicer. (and cheaper- they dont serve a meal its all buffet)
Posted 9 months ago # -
Adore -
Re-read the post. What he said is No (comma), (I'M) planning on it either way.
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Hotdogs, ect -
Mod-80, Just so you know, when I'm crashing a wedding, I head straight for the kiddie table, so I can stuff myself on chicken fingers and onion rings.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Seriously How is someone with 10 kids 5 and 5 who learns in Kollel all day and a wife who is a teacher at a Bais Yaakov type School supposed to pay $50,000 for a wedding per kid
Posted 9 months ago # -
Moderator 80: I don't believe you!!!
Posted 9 months ago # -
about 100 ppl total
It doesn't need to be anything particularly extravagant, but not sad either.
I actually do have a girl, and so am starting to look at some numbers.I'm really not looking for any debates on the virtues or deficencies of costly weddings, merely some practical information and ballpark numbers.
Posted 9 months ago # -
80: I think that a backyard BBQ reception would be terrific for a wedding. If you want it more upscale, you can hire someone to do the cooking and serve barbequed chicken or steaks - cooked to order. With a nice array of salads and side dishes, some fresh fruit and a small pastry table, it could be a lovely affair.
Posted 9 months ago # -
My in-laws Alehem Hasholom, got married in Bergen Belsen in 1945, They would have been happy with hot dogs and hamburgers.
Posted 9 months ago # -
I would love if my parents could pull that off but I know its too "not typical" for me but I would really really love it. on the other hand my husband might not want that.... will ask him when I find him!!!!!!
Posted 9 months ago # -
For 100 ppl, I would go with Yeshiva Chaim Berlin Elementary, on I and East 13 (?).
The food is good, the caterer is a pleasure to work with, and they have a school yard where you can set up a chuppa with seating.
Figure about $65-$75 per couple (depending on what you want to serve) so you're looking at around $3000-4000.
All told, by the time your're done with the add-ons (like a band) and it will run you about $7000-9000.
Not a bad deal for something that lasts a lifetime!
Posted 9 months ago # -
a mamin its all true
not only would it have much less expensive,
the guests would have enjoyed it as well.
who wants chicken stuffed with ground mushrooms, and undercooked greasy vegetables?Posted 9 months ago # -
Adore -
Re-read the post. What he said is No (comma), (I'M) planning on it either way.
And yet again we see why good grammar is important. When you aren't used to reading good grammar, when you see it you get all confused.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Different city and states, have their own ways of doing things and they are totally acceptable to the Olam. We went to a wedding in Toronto and all they had at the shmorg was chips, pretzels some veggies and sodas. We were very surprised because from the chosson's side we all traveled very far and were quite hungry. But this was totally acceptable and expected in Toronto and they tried to keep everything on time. Guess how much their shmorg costs compared to what we do here in New York?
And even in NY, many people have chosen to only have a cold shmorg vs a hot one. People are starting to realize that they should cut back and not try to top their neighbors. Do whatever you can afford to do.
My last aufruf I got smart. I decided to have a washing kiddush and then just served dessert to the family that was staying for the speeches and the benching. I did not serve another full lunch after the hot kiddush. I added a few extra things to the kiddush for everyone to enjoy. I saved thousands of dollars by incorporating the two.
You have to think of what you really need to do versus what everyone expects you to do and go with it. Many, many more people are inviting just the family and close friends for the meal and more to the chupah and simchas chosson v'kallah. Do what is most meaningful for you and your kallah and don't worry about impressing others.
Posted 9 months ago # -
haifa- its not the grammar that wa the issue- i barely read the post
Posted 9 months ago # -
i got marrid in my backyward with pizza and ice cream. it was awesome
Posted 9 months ago # -
I would love to have a smaller, less expensive, and more personalized affair for my wedding. But I think girls in general want something fancy, so whatever my bride would want is what I would try to do. (Of course, there may be some compromising.)
Posted 9 months ago # -
I thought the boys were the ones that want all their friends there too and all that stuff. I would persoanlly want a smaller more personal affair with only close friends... and family...
Posted 9 months ago # -
People always say Dont learn from the Goyim, but I think this is the PERFECT place to learn from the Goyim
Most goyim have simplier weddings and many elope. Only the wealthy have wedding as large as jewish weddings.
Posted 9 months ago # -
"And yet again we see why good grammar is important."
While good grammar IS important, I knew what Funny1 meant, and when Adore made her post, I knew how she mis-read it.
Since I got burned a few weeks ago for jumping to conclusions, I did a public service and pointed out to all concerned what the intended post was to really read.
Posted 9 months ago # -
one of my dad's workers is Indian and just made/is making (dont remember which) a wedding for her daughter/son and invited her boss (my father). the invitation was THICK textured card stock, the folder for the invitations (7 invites cuz the celebration happens over 7 days so each day had a dif invite for thats days party) came in a fancy envelope and the whole invitation is given with a pashima scarf and box of chocolates (in this case, ferrero chocolates). now what were you saying that goyosh weddings were cheaper? and this was the invitation only! we looked online at the wedding hall and it was no cheap place either! in this case, i think i prefer the jewish wedding, even with the attitude of keeping up with the klien's. imagine having to keep up with this!
Posted 9 months ago # -
Gavra at work, you added an extra word, "enough" doesn't rhyme with "price"
Posted 9 months ago # -
taking a break: Indian weddings are incredibly elaborate and do last for days. In many of their "circle" it is traditional to give gifts of gold - meaning large cash gifts a/o jewellery.
Aries: I am surprised at your Toronto wedding experience. I have been to several there and they are very generous with food. The only disappointment I ever had a TO wedding was when my cousin got married. I can't remember what the entree was, but the dessert was some type of pale pink sorbet. At about ten o'clock when I expected a pastry/fruit table, they served coffee and more of the same sorbet - this time in fuschia and a plate of very goyishe cookies (1 per person) at each table. I had my taste buds primed for a piece of torte and I was sorely disappointed. I think if I had known there was no pastry table, I might have given a smaller gift.
Posted 9 months ago # -
BPT -- thank you very much. That's a good start.
Everyone else -- although I really appreciate the responses, and couldn't agree more about the ridiculous extremes of certain weddings, I really only need some l'maisa advice. What are some hall costs, music costs, avg photography, etc.
I'm looking foremost for a hall with a larger dance floor, and mediocre catering. Its more important that there be enough room to dance and whatnot.
Also, a place where mixed seating would be a possibility. (obviously not mixed dancing)Posted 9 months ago # -
Almost two years ago, my intended, now my wife and I threw a party for all our friends. Our goal was to have a really good party at which there just happened to be a wedding. It cost us, with clothing, cars, invitations, food, music, etc., just a smidge over $10,000 for 55 guests.
I typeset and printed our own ketubah which we later had decorated by an artist friend ($150 for printing costs and buying fonts, $150 for the artist; her work was partially a wedding gift to us.)
My suit came from TJ Maxx, and her dress came from a yard sale. We borrowed the talis for the chuppah from a friend. We had the ceremony in a park ($25 permit fee) and the reception at a new and lovely VFW hall in our neighborhood ($400). I designed and typeset the invitations and had them printed at vistaprint ($100). We asked people to RSVP by phone or email.
The entertainment was supplied by a 4-piece klezmer band ($1500). Those guys really made the wedding. I'm so glad we didn't use recorded music or a DJ.
We had a really good and meaningful time. The wedding was very dignified, the bride looked lovely. She had no attendants and was walked to the chuppah by her mother and daughter.
It only took a few weeks to prepare. I personally picked up all the out-of-towners at the airport and train station. Both of us got to sit and speak meaningfully with everyone who came to the wedding, and we still get raves about what a wonderful and personal affair it was.
There was a hot buffet ($5500, with all the silverware, plates, glasses, tablecloths, etc.) and an open bar ($160 total, my family doesn't drink much), and the VFW hall served our kosher wine and champagne for only $5/bottle). Miscellaneous tips ($300).
Other costs included: Mesadar Kedushin (Rabbi) - $600 or $650. One large rental car for shuttling guests around, about $150. Tailoring for my suit, $40. An uncomfortable pair of shoes for me: $50. Flowers (bridal bouquet, corsages for the mothers) about $150. COntributions to Mazon, about %600. Photography was done by a friend of my wife who did it as a gift in exchange for airfare from California and four days of food and lodging ($400). There was a bottle of wine for the ceremony and the glass, and that was about $15.
Our mothers threw a brunch the next morning for our guests, I"m not sure what that cost.
All-in-all it was a wonderful, fun and dignified wedding that had our very personal touches on every aspect.
Posted 9 months ago # -
To funny1;
(my personal opin; Music is the most imoprtant.
Many people dont want to come just to be invited- problem cuz then they come.
Make an early chuppah, invite to dinner those you really want yto, plus some almonehs from your shul. (SCHEDULE!! the pics) and then invite the world to dancing.
TO taking a break;
Can i come work or your dad? lolPosted 9 months ago # -
The real traditional Jewish wedding is one where people would put on the best clothes THEY CURRENTLY OWNED and walk out to a field or synagogue with their friends and relations, set up a SIMPLE chuppah, have the ceremony in accordance with the law of Moses, break a glass, provide a little music, food and booze for the guests, and that was it.
The whole WHITE DRESS business, etc., is relatively new, even in the goyish world. Queen Victoria started that whole shtick not even 200 years ago, and it was a tremendous boon for a huge wedding industry.
I have to say that I don't really have fun at most large weddings. It's noisy, hard to talk, there's too much food and the emcee or badchan is just trying to hard to stuff too much entertainment down our throats.
The real pleasure I get at a wedding is from seeing a nice couple get married and chatting with my friends and relations. Everything else is superfluous.
Posted 9 months ago # -
The place I recommended has ample dance floor room for 100 or so people. And if any place will accomodate your seating needs, that might be the place. If not, consider renting the YI hall (there are 2 in Blkyn) and getting the caterer thru them.
Word to the wise, though; don't ask about the seating over the phone, and call it "family" seating when asking. That usually goes over with less angst.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Idk prices bec our parents are taking care of it but lol goq....i also didnt read every post but I just wanna let u know most halls have a minimum, our problem is that our guest list exceeds the maximum... end of the month is cheaper in many halls, not so sure why tho....some halls have takana night which is like a package deal but very low key....
Posted 9 months ago # -
To minyan gal: Do you really base your gift on the amount and/or quality of the food served at the wedding? I make out my check at home. The amount I give is based on whose wedding it is (neighbor, friend, close friend, relative, close relative, etc.).
BTW, what is the going rate for gifts for a wedding?Posted 9 months ago # -
phillybubby-no, I was just using it as an example of how disappointed I was that there wasn't a sweet table at this particular wedding. I am quite certain that the amount of planning and the amount of money spent for this wedding was equal to or possibly exceeded that of the wedding of Kate and Prince Willy - or so the groom's mother (my unbeloved cousin)still keeps talking about. BTW, this wedding was over 20 years ago and she is still talking about it. The chassan and kallah would have been happy to elope or have it in a park, but the mothers would not hear of it.
Posted 9 months ago # -
i read each post and i dont think i saw anyone posting another bunch of expenses.
the boys parents are told they have to get the girl silver candlesticks.
the boys parents are told they have to buy the girl a shaitel
the boys parents are told they have to buy the girl a bracelet
the boy is supposed to give the girl pearls or some other jewelry in the yichud room
the girl is supposed to get the guy a talis.
am i missing anything? please add (not chasidish so no straimel here)Posted 9 months ago # -
Since when does the guy give silver candlesticks and pay for shaitel?!
Girls get men a watch.Posted 9 months ago # -
who says?
Posted 9 months ago # -
you don't say where the wedding will be, which city state, etc. In Chaim Berlin it is much less than $65 a couple, it is about $45 and the hall holds many more that 100. However it is usually used for bar mitzvos. There are a few halls in Brooklyn where you can make a wedding relatively inexpensively. Try Sason v'simcha on Coney Island ave, Torah V'yirah on Fort hamilton ave. In Lakewood you can try Bais Faiga. Hatzlocha Rabbah!
Posted 9 months ago #
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