Weddings during Sefirah

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  • #615578
    flatbusher
    Participant

    When i was growing up, no one scheduled weddings between Pesach and Shloshes Ymay Hagbalah except for Rosh Chodesh and Lag B’Omer, but then at least 30 years ago people started making weddings aftert Pesach up to Rosh Chodesh and now I see weddings scheduled between Lag B’Omer and Shavuous. Does anyone know how this custom came about and who gave the haskamah?

    #1073873
    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    If you hold of “2nd half of sefira” then I believe it starts with the 2nd day of Rosh Chodesh so why should the 1st day of Rosh Chodesh be any different than the days between Pesach and Rosh Chodesh?

    When you were growing up there were probably fewer weddings and therefore they made them on Rosh Chodesh itself but nowadays there are B”H more weddings so they need to be spread out over a few days.

    As an aside, people seem to take for granted that you can have concerts during Chol HaMoed but technically this is during sefira for those who keep the “1st half” so it is not as pashut as people think.

    #1073874
    flatbusher
    Participant

    Simchas after Pesach do present an issue for those who hold the first minhag. The first time it was an issue i asked my rav the shaila and he said one need not change the minhag because of the wedding. While I can appreciate there are more weddings, there are really plenty of other days of the year to schedule chasunas, but there is a great impatience to get it done before someone finds out something that may break the shidduch. Pardon my cynicism.

    #1073876
    Joseph
    Participant

    The better shaila isn’t how could the baal simcha make the wedding then; like others replied, he holds from the other half of sefira. The better question is how can the guests who are holding of the half of sefira the simcha is made in attend that simcha.

    #1073877
    flatbusher
    Participant

    One needs to consult with his rav, as I did.

    #1073878
    nishtdayngesheft
    Participant

    Joseph,

    Who said there is any issue to attend a wedding during sefira? The issue is making a wedding, not attending.

    #1073879
    Joseph
    Participant

    nishtdayngesheft: I asked a question; I didn’t make a statement.

    How is it not a problem for someone keeping the 1st half of sefira to attend a wedding during the week after Pesach, or someone keeping the 2nd half to attend a wedding after lag b’omer?

    #1073880
    lesschumras
    Participant

    Joseph, many people, and rabbonim, hold that you can switch, from year to year, as to which period you observe. That’s their minhag. So. If you attend a Rosh Chodesh wedding, you keep the second half that uear

    #1073881
    nishtdayngesheft
    Participant

    Because the Halacha is to not make a wedding. It is not to not attend a wedding.

    #1073882
    Joseph
    Participant

    Yet one should be refraining from listening to music during his half of sefira and if he attends a wedding he will be listening to music.

    #1073883
    147
    Participant

    many people, and rabbonim, hold that you can switch, from year to year, This is indeed so, and when I got married 1st time, got married during week after Passover mourning during 2nd 1/2, whereas when I got remarried, I got married during the week of Yom Yerusholayim, having mourned during 1st 1/2.

    #1073884
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    Joe,

    maybe you shouldn’t wait on hold because there’s hold music.

    The answer is because you’re not going to listen to music, you’re going to eat good food or to be misameiach the chassan (hopefully the latter)

    #1073885
    Sam2
    Participant

    ca and Joseph: This is so backwards it’s hilarious (and I say this with the utmost respect; it’s a mark on what Frum society is looking at, not either of you personally). The reason the Minhag developed not to listen to music is from the fact that music leads to dancing and dancing at Simchas is Assur during Sefirah. And yet the issue you guys are discussing about being at a wedding is because there’s music there!

    To answer Joseph’s question, all of the major Poskim of the last generation allowed it. The most famous (and Lomdush) of the reasons is R’ Moshe’s T’shuvah, which is OC 1:167, I think. Maybe 157?

    #1073886
    ubiquitin
    Participant

    Joseph

    The issur of listening to music is not as clear cut as you seem to think. The Mechaber/Rema only mention avoiding Chasunahs and haircuts. The M”B says regarding dancing for reshus “yesh lizaher”

    I do agree with the OP as I remeber a time when no Ashkenazim made chasunahs during sefira at all in accordance with the Taz. I am not sure why it changed, maybe due to population growth?

    #1073887
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    sam,

    it’s possible to dance without music, look at kiddush levana, simchas torah…. and also there’s music that one can’t really dance to like slow music

    so why is the issur on listening to music just flat out assur dancing

    #1073888
    Squeezed
    Member

    In the chassidish community that I live, I never heard of anyone getting married during sefira. I had a litvish wedding once during the first half of sefira,which I did attend.

    #1073889
    Sam2
    Participant

    ca: “Issur on listening to music”? It’s a Minhag. And a relatively recent one. And this was how the Minhag developed. That’s the end of it. (By the way, some Chassidim are Noheg to listen to slow music during Sefirah for this reason.)

    #1073890
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    sam2,

    sorry i wasn’t clear enough (that tends to happen when im online on my phone) why is the minhag against listening to music it should be against dancing, even without music

    #1073891
    Sam2
    Participant

    ca: Certainly dancing without music is one of the Nihugei Aveilus during Sefirah.

    #1073892
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    sam 2,

    did people dance after kiddush levana where u davened?

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