October 3, 2017 2:12 pm at 2:12 pm #1377738
I saw an online campaign, for a young man who was mugged one Friday night. The young man happened to be a Chosson getting married soon, and the item taken from him happened to be “his stunning 14 karat gold watch that was given to him at his engagement.”
The poor guy was in hospital for a few days and had a metal plate inserted in his jaw. to hold it in place. But apparently the physical suffering is not his main concern. “he is mostly distressed about the “agamas nefesh” he has caused ,through no fault of his own, to his generous in laws. The family is trying to raise money in time for his chasane to replace his chuson watch so his shver sitting next to him at the simcha sees a beautiful watch back on his wrist again.”
Am I a heartless Rosho for not appreciating the worthiness of this cause?
The last line in particular grates on me terribly.October 3, 2017 3:30 pm at 3:30 pm #1378189
Leyzer: You are not a “heartless rosho”…..you are just a normal human being who realizes that this is misplaced chesed. On another note, such an “expensive watch” can possibly be covered as part of homeowners insurance policy.October 3, 2017 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #1378205
im wondering of the shver is heartless if a missing watch will ruin the night of his daughters wedding.October 3, 2017 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #1378206
Leyzer, where online did you see this ad?October 3, 2017 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #1378207
if you do something and you make him feel good, you did a chesed. do you mean to ask, what qualifies as tzedaka.October 4, 2017 8:42 am at 8:42 am #1378478
There is something decidedly wrong here if
(a) the shver NEEDS to see a beautiful watch back on his wrist, so much so that people are raising money for it
(b) the chussen is more concerned about his inlaws’ reaction than his own injuries.
I think a more appropriate campaign would be to raise money for pre-marriage counselling.
“if you do something and you make him feel good, you did a chesed.”
– Really? Any Mekor for that? If I turn on the light on Shabbos for an elderly Jew, and make him feel good, have I done a chesed?October 4, 2017 9:04 am at 9:04 am #1378515
Am I a heartless Rosho for not appreciating the worthiness of this cause?
Perhaps not a rosho, just a bit closed minded.October 4, 2017 9:13 am at 9:13 am #1378521
““if you do something and you make him feel good, you did a chesed.”
– Really? Any Mekor for that?”
Are you sereious?
It is a passuk in the Torah “Veohavta lereacha Kemocha” If it is something you would want it is a mitzvah to do it for someone else.
Im not sure what Chillul shabbos has to do with anything.
As the quote attributed to the Salanter goes “Yenem’s gashmius iz deyn ruchniyus”
Now prioroizing tzedaka is a valid discussion. But if someone is sad that his watch was stolen, without question it is chesed to replace it and make him feel better.
Dont forget if an ashir loses his money the mitzvah of tzedaka is to support him to the level he was aquantaed.
Again as to whether given limited funds buying him the chauffeur he lost or replacing his watch trumps other aniyim who dont have food, Limud hatorah, Hatzolah, Hachnasa Kallah etc etc etc is a valid question and not one Im prepared to answer.
but as to whether this “qualifies as chesed” the answer is 100% absolutely unequivocally yesOctober 4, 2017 10:44 am at 10:44 am #1378533
“Really? Any Mekor for that?”
Veahavta lireacha kamocha. Open the sefer ahavas chessed.
“If I turn on the light on Shabbos for an elderly Jew, and make him feel good, have I done a chesed?”
I agree with the sentiment that it is strange (i am being nice) that the shver “needs to see” a watch on his wrist, especially on the night of his daughters wedding. I agree that it is strange that this guy is more worried about the watch than his injuries (if I was the kallah i would seriously consider breaking up, what if she dropped his fancy esrog box and badly dented it, is he going to hit her?).October 4, 2017 11:20 am at 11:20 am #1378577
The chiyuv of Tzedakah is די מחסרו – what he is lacking. Even if you disagree with the necessity of somebodies standard of living, you are still mechuyav to provide the standard of living he is used to. I’m not saying that this story is something he needs, but I am saying that we have no right to decide what someone is entitled to or what he isn’t.
The family who lives next door us (in my dirah in Eretz Yisroel) are penniless. Our Dirah has taken it upon ourselves – with the initiative of one particularly generous roommate of mine – to give them [anonymously] some of the basic necessities for Shabbos – we pool the money and leave a box outside their front door every Thursday. Ten minutes later, it disappears. They have no idea where it comes from.
Once, two of the kids knocked on our door and asked us for candy. When we said we didn’t have, they asked for a shekel to buy some candy. I commented to a friend that this isn’t even tzedakah. He got very upset with me, and said that just because I don’t consider candy a necessity, for a child, this is די מחסרו. If they cannot afford candy, then we are equally obligated to provide candy for the kids as we are to provide vegetables for the adults.October 4, 2017 11:57 am at 11:57 am #1378602
Losing a watch is not akin to an ashir losing his money. I seem to remember someone else on his way for a shidduch losing all of his money……and he went to work for 7 years before he married his wife. I don’t remember seeing any chesed fund being set up for him and he lost more than a watch.October 4, 2017 12:05 pm at 12:05 pm #1378612
If someone loses all his money before making a shidduch it is an absolutely obligation upon klal yisroel to give him tzedaka money to make the shidduch.October 4, 2017 2:39 pm at 2:39 pm #1378633
chessed is when someone does a kind deed to someone that is more then normal & also someone that goes out of his way for someone in a case when he was not responsible to & could have just told him we dont sell A++ esrogim only regular esrogim but the person is desperate so the seller seeks another seller & helps him get a top A++ esrog he wanted. thats going out of his way & is a big chessedOctober 7, 2017 7:46 pm at 7:46 pm #1378648
“I don’t remember seeing any chesed fund being set up for him and he lost more than a watch.”
To bad Chazal werent familiar with the fellow you are reffering to as they often refer to Hachnasas KallahOctober 7, 2017 7:48 pm at 7:48 pm #1378655
Helping your spouse on erev yom tov instead of posting in the crOctober 7, 2017 11:35 pm at 11:35 pm #1378809
ubiquitin: I was referring to Yaakov AvinuOctober 7, 2017 11:45 pm at 11:45 pm #1378815
Yes I got that, too bad Chazal werent familiar with himOctober 8, 2017 10:38 am at 10:38 am #1378861
He worked 7 years, because his shver sounds very much like the one who gave the watch.October 8, 2017 12:13 pm at 12:13 pm #1379044
I guess in the spirit of Yom Kippur, some of you feel the need to judge. The problem is that none of you are Hakodosh Baruch Hu. Why judge the shver? I know that you are perfect in every aspect of your character and personality, but not all of us are. So that’s his weakness. Big deal. And why judge anyone who wants to be nice to him, and help out someone – even if you do not have that same weakness? Why judge at all? Because it’s easy to judge sitting in your comfortable chair? Being nice – above and beyond normal polite behavior – is chesed. Tzedakah is when it’s a worthy cause according to Halacha. The case can be made, pro and con, whether it is Tzedakah. But being nice, chesed, it definitely is. And let’s try not to judge.October 8, 2017 3:38 pm at 3:38 pm #1379052
it seems there are two different things going on here. The OP asked if he is heartless for his response to the campaign, and people are responding about whether or not we need to support someone who lost everything, or use tzedaka for valuables. And then a post about not being judgemental.
The issue of being heartless for not seeing the worthiness of the cause – I do not think you are heartless at all. I think that if the campaign was about a person who was mugged who felt bad he lost his gold watch because he knew how much it cost his in-laws, my guess is you would have cared. Your “problem” (mine as well) is that you are being asked to give money to someone who was traumatized and injured so that he could, seemingly, appease someone who cares more about his own investments than his future son in law.
There is no reason in the world that that request shouldn’t put you off. And it is not judgemental to think that such a mindset is disgusting. We are allowed to judge behaviors, and this one is wrong. Deciding the shver probably didn’t even care that he was in the hospital would be judgmental. Deciding that the guy is marrying in to a heartless family is judgemental. Deciding that there may be some serious red flags is not judgemental but a logical conclusion… if this is a true story. We don’t know who these people are, and we don’t even know if it’s true or if it was just poorly worded. Discussing feelings evoked by a narrative is not just appropriate but necessary for perspective and growth.
If this is indeed a necessity of the shver, and not just something the chosson wants to “give back” or the poor wording of the author to mean that “all is well again”, then I agree that that is tragic. But if it is not really the shver’s concern, but rather the author believed that this wording was the only way to make it matter to klal yisroel and touch them in a way that would make them give…..well that would be even worse.October 8, 2017 3:41 pm at 3:41 pm #1379061
This is not called judging. Its called, telling it like it is.
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