Last Thursday, 6 Cheshvan was the 3rd Yarhrtzeit of Refoel Zev Chait A"H. In honor of the Yarhrtzeit they sent out a sample of the forthcoming Sefer Aliyos Refoel Zev on the Parsha. Here is the excerpt:
Parshas Lech Lecha
The Influence of Society
רבינו בחיי הקדמה לפרשת לך לך
הולך את חכמים יחכם ורועה כסילים
ירוע: שלמה המלך ע"ה יזהיר בפסוק
הזה )משלי יג( על אדם להשתדל
בחברת החכמי' ולהתרחק מחברת
הכסילים … והוצרך להזהר מחברת
אנשי דורו הרשעים שהיו סבה לבטול
הבחירה, וע"כ בא אליו דברי הש"י
שיתרחק מהם ואל יתלכלך עמהם,
ושילך מארצו וממולדתו אל הארץ
אשר יראנו. וזהו שכתוב ויאמר ה' אל
אברם לך לך מארצך וממולדך ומבית
אביך אל הארץ אשר אראך …
Is everyone subject to peer pressure? Do one’s surroundings really have the ability to affect him? What if one is a man of conviction? What if one is strong minded? Will even such a person be swayed by society?
At the age of seventy-five, our forefather, Avraham, was commanded to leave his country, his birthplace and his family, and go to an unknown land. This was certainly a difficult test, but what was Hashem’s intention in sending him away from his family? Was it merely a test of commitment? Was Hashem just trying to see if Avraham was ready to sacrifice the comforts of his homeland to fulfill His command?
Rabbeinu Bechaya, in his introduction to Parshas Lech Lecha, reveals to us the reason behind the command of Lech Lecha: He tells us that merely being in the company of k’silim, fools – which he defines as those who choose to act with improper character traits, running after earthly pleasures and not following the commandments of Hashem – significantly diminishes and hinders one’s service of Hashem. Rabbeinu Bechaya tells us that, because Avraham’s goal in life was to keep the Torah and serve Hashem, it was necessary for him to keep his distance from the people of his generation, and to leave his birthplace, as Rabbeinu Bechaya puts it, “so he would not dirty and defile himself by the people of his generation.”
But would Avraham really have become defiled by his neighbors? Avraham Avinu was already seventy-five years old. He had overcome the prevailing attitude of polytheism and recognized the one true G-d by the tender age of three (Nedarim 32a), and he had maintained his convictions strongly for seventy-two years. He did not simply keep his beliefs in private; he took a proactive stance against idol worship. With his life on the line, Avraham broke the idols that were being worshipped in his city. He was fearless. He was called Avraham Haivri, because the whole world was on one “side,” and he was on the other (Beraishis Rabbah 42:8). Avraham’s convictions were so deeply rooted that he succeeded in amassing a large following (Rambam Hilchos Daos 77:3). Of all people, would Avraham succumb to the influence of the very society that he utterly rejected?
It becomes apparent from the words of Rabbeinu Bechaya that society exerts an inescapably-powerful force on even the strongest of heart and mind. Even Avraham Avinu would not have been able to completely withstand the influence of the people of his generation. Despite the strength of Avraham’s conviction, even he would have been “sullied” – perhaps in a minute, undetectable way, yet sullied nonetheless. As the Rambam writes, it is human nature for a man to be influenced by his friends and peers (Hilchos Daos 6:1). It is an unavoidable condition of the human personality. Avraham’s only guarantee for spiritual safety was to leave his land – hence the command Lech Lecha.
Our own convictions and beliefs are certainly not as strong as those of our great forefather Avraham. It is imperative for us to be aware of the powerful influence that our ever-degenerating society has upon us, and to realize the importance of taking the necessary precautions, so that our convictions can remain firm and pure.
*****
Emotional Fidelity
טז
)ב( ותאמר שרי אל אברם הנה נא
עצרני יהוה מלדת בא נא אל שפחתי
אולי אבנה ממנה וישמע אברם לקול
שרי:
רמב"ן
וישמע אברם לקול שרי לא אמר
הכתוב "ויעש כן", אבל אמר כי שמע
לקול שרי, ירמוז כי אף על פי שאברם
מתאוה מאד לבנים לא עשה כן בלא
רשות שרי, וגם עתה לא נתכוון שיבנה
הוא מהגר ויהיה זרעו ממנה, אבל כל
כוונתו לעשות רצון שרה שתבנה
ממנה, שיהיה לה נחת רוח בבני
שפחתה, או זכות שתזכה היא לבנים
בעבור כן כדברי רבותינו )ב"ר מב ב,
עא ז(:
ואמר עוד ותקח שרי - להודיע שלא
מהר אברם לדבר עד שלקחה שרי
ונתנה בחיקו והזכיר הכתוב שרי אשת
אברם, לאברם אישה, לרמוז כי שרה
לא נתיאשה מאברם ולא הרחיקה
עצמה מאצלו, כי היא אשתו והוא
אישה, אבל רצתה שתהיה גם הגר
אשתו ולכך אמר לו לאשה, שלא תהיה
כפלגש רק כאשה נשואה לו וכל זה
מוסר שרה והכבוד שהיא נוהגת
בבעלה
Avraham Avinu, the Ramban tells us, took Hagar as a wife only to fulfill the will of Sarah, who wanted either to derive emotional satisfaction from Hagar’s children, or a z’chus to bear children of her own in the merit of this act. Although Avraham deeply yearned to have children, he married Hagar not with the intention of “being built” through her, but only to fulfill the wishes of Sarah. It is clear from the Ramban that Avraham could have seen this as an opportunity to fulfill his deepest desires. Had he not told Hashem, “What can You give me, while I am childless?” And now Sarah, entirely of her own initiative, was asking Avraham to have children with Hagar, for Sarah’s own benefit. Yet, the Ramban writes, Avraham did not allow himself to act with an iota of intent for himself. With superhuman dedication, he kept his focus riveted on Sarah and her request. Although the act of marrying Hagar was justified, and even requested by Sarah herself, this was not sufficient; only by eliminating any vestiges of self-interest could Avraham render his actions pure. Would Sarah have been hurt by Avraham’s thoughts? He was marrying Hagar at her behest, with the sincerest intent to gratify her; if he would have simultaneously viewed it as a chance to fulfill his own aspirations as well, would that have had any impact on Sarah? If Avraham was capable of controlling his deepest emotions with such awesome strength, he was certainly capable of communicating to Sarah his reassurance that their relationship would in no way suffer by the introduction of Hagar. But Avraham Avinu understood that in taking a second wife – an act that was inherently painful for Sarah – any motivation for himself, no matter how lofty and noble, and no matter how imperceptible to Sarah, would represent a betrayal of his relationship with her. If even in the deepest recesses of his heart, Avraham would have allowed himself to be fueled by the knowledge that, in addition to pleasing Sarah, he could now achieve one of his most profound spiritual goals, the beauty of his chessed would ultimately have been tarnished. In this light it is all the more astonishing that Sarah, too, is praised by the Torah, according to the Ramban, in that she did not despair of her relationship to Avraham or distance herself from him. While she presented Hagar to him as a wife, she did not feel that her own marriage to Avraham had weakened. Why does the Torah give Sarah credit, implying that she had to exert effort to retain her connection to Avraham? Wouldn’t the introduction of Hagar as her co-wife cause, if anything, an increased desire on Sarah’s part to win Avraham’s affection? It certainly should not have diminished the intensity of their relationship, especially in light of the fact that Hagar’s marriage to Avraham was Sarah’s own idea, and Avraham too, even in his innermost heart, never intended to do anything but fulfill Sarah’s will! But this is human nature: Capable of superhuman dedication and focus on the one hand, and, at the same time, incredibly delicate and impressionable. We see from the Torah’s words that the act of introducing Hagar to the household would naturally have had a cooling effect on Sarah’s own attachment to Avraham; giving Avraham a second wife implied a distancing of Sarah from her husband. Although this was the furthest thing from Sarah’s mind, and the opposite of everything that was in her heart, her deeds would have inevitably affected her emotions. Her natural feelings as a wife, with all of the deep love she had developed toward Avraham over the decades of their marriage, would not have been enough to counteract this force. Only the obligations of mussar – the selfless drive to fulfill her emotional responsibilities to her husband – enabled her to preserve the intensity of their relationship. The loss she undoubtedly would have felt at the weakening of their bond was not ultimately the factor that enabled her to maintain her emotional commitment; rather, her sense of obligation and the ideals of mussar drove her to accomplish what a lesser person would have failed to do.
Sefer Aliyos Refoel Zev - A compilation of Mussar Shmuessin originated, developed and written by talmidim of Yeshivas Chofetz Chaim of Queens, organized liluy nishmas Refoel Zev Chait A”H. These submissions were written by Rabbi Daniel Glattstein and Rabbi Elazar Grossman and edited by ARZ staff. Feedback and constructive comments are welcome. Thank you to the many individuals who helped with the forthcoming sefer Be”H.
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