DaasYochid ☕

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 18,988 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • in reply to: Women Davening #1666431

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Is his wife showing up too early?
    Too late?

    Yes

    Is even showing up the problem?

    Yes, after borchu.

    ‏Is there a מחיצה?

    Yes

    Why is he looking over there?

    He’s looking for his wife.

    (These questions remind me of the people who try to find the lomdus and farenfer all the stiros in Harry Potter)

    in reply to: I got married! The shidduch crisis is over #1666100

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    “theres no crisis just a lack of bitachon”.

    There are singles who say that, and people who have kids who need shidduchim.

    They may be wrong, but automatically saying they’re insensitive is unfair.

    Also, they’re right on an individual basis, just wrong that it’s not a societal problem.

    in reply to: Seeking Special Rav #1666073

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Sort of difficult to usefully respond on a “global” search for a Rav who cold advise on some vague “spiritual” matter who has all the basic attributes one would hope for in a Rav.

    What do you mean? The Gedolah Hador is available right here for the whole world!

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665930

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Joseph, which part of “V’ein kan makom l’ha’arich” do you not understand? Perhaps ubiquitin could explain it to you. 😉

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665910

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Different expectations for what a marriage is supposed to look like. V’ein kan makom l’ha’arich.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665897

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I should add that you say that we’ve combined the worst of both, but I don’t see how the modern system (which isn’t really much of a system) works any better, or would work for BMG type yeshiva bochurim and BY girls.

    And I don’t think the chsssidish system, which does seem to work much better in terms of setting up matches, would work for American litvish style bochurim in terms of sholom bayis.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665894

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I think the first is more realistic

    I think they’re both unrealistic.

    I do hear your point, but it doesn’t seem to be the case that boys sit around for that long without dates, so I’m not sure that’s the big ikuv here.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665867

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    In how long would you be willing to advocate trying something else (if either the age gap cant be closed, or if closing doesnt help)

    What do you recommend? I think other than age gap, the problems plaguing the shidduch system are general societal problems which manifest themselves particularly strongly in shidduchim; they’re not problems specifically in the way shidduchim are done. I don’t necessarily think they’re any easier to solve than closing the age gap.

    in reply to: Studies on vaccines you might have missed. #1665819

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    “As a pediatric neurologist and member of the American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the Child Neurology Society, the American Academy of Neurology and the American Neurological Association, I strongly support the importance of vaccines for all children. I have spoken with many parents of children with ASD over the years who feel strongly that their children developed ASD due to vaccines and I have vigorously defended the importance of vaccines as the best way to prevent many serious diseases”

    Dr. A. Zimmerman

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665815

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Though long can I expect to wait unti l real solutions are attempted?

    Real solutions have been and are being attempted.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665813

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I think it is simplistic and while it would explain shidduch island or musical chairs with a fixed number of chairs and players it doesn’t explain the real world

    You haven’t done a very good job of explaining why it’s not true in the real world, and haven’t really responded to my specific challenges to your assertion that it does not apply to the real world.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665811

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Thats a tough sell, you are advocating for a change that you admit is “very difficult” that would only “very possibly” actually help what the real problem is.

    You are mischaracterizing my position. I think it would solve a great deal of the “real problem”.

    I do think it’s very difficult to completely close the gap to the point where there won’t be any disparity, but it’s not an all or nothing proposition.

    in reply to: New Kosher Gym? #1665803

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Perhaps he means property tax

    in reply to: Freezer Joke #1665757

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Sam, what does that have to do with the freezer?

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665682

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    GH, no (at least not to the same extent), because the boys in EY generally get married younger.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665668

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    while you are thinking about that, consider this how easy do you think it will be to cut out the disparity?

    I think the way to cut out the disparity is to cut down the gap.

    I think cutting down the gap is a very difficult thing to do.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665667

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    If we cut out the disparity, but kept our current dating prices would there still be a crises

    Our current dating practices include age gap, but I’ll assume you mean that we change the age of boys to a younger age, the boys marry older girls than current practice, or a combination.

    The answer I believe is that we would still have some singles. We would certainly have fewer older single girls, and possibly fewer older single boys.

    The reason I think we might even end up with fewer older single boys is because if we level the playing field somewhat, and take away some of the advantage boys currently have, we would very possibly cause the boys to have lower expectations, and that might help some of the tougher cases to get married.

    Whether after these changes were affected we would still have a “crisis” depends on how you define crisis.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665661

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    No because for boys age is less of an issue.

    Do you think the age gap theory math is wrong, or deny that there’s an age gap (or population growth)?

    No because for boys age is less of an issue.

    How does that decrease their numbers? If we start with the same number of boys and girls, and they marry at equal numbers, how do we end up with more girls?

    there are a lot of complicated pieces at play that make it hard to actually predict how many of each would be left.

    Agreed, but we don’t need precise numbers, and without any reasonable hypothesis that more girls leave than boys (I haven’t heard one), the larger number of girls is a problem.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665650

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I think we’ve found the problem.

    And Joseph’s solution 🙄

    in reply to: Studies on vaccines you might have missed. #1665580

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    DaasYochid, I hate to break the news to you, but if you define “Pro-Vax” as someone who believes
    vaccines are beneficial but believes in skipping/delaying some vaccines –
    YOU, DAAS YOCHID ARE ANTI-VAX!

    But wait, I think most kids should be vaccinated for MMR, Polio, DTaP, flu, and others, on schedule. I also dont believe there’s a link between vaccines and SIDS or autism. Am I still anti-vax?

    Congratulations for joining the Side of Truth!

    Thank you! Since I’m on the side of truth, will you agree to my previous opinions?

    in reply to: Studies on vaccines you might have missed. #1665577

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I don’t Know if Dr. Zimmerman is pro-vax or anti-vax.

    I think you should do some research.

    If you look honestly, I believe you’ll find that he believes the benefits outweigh the risks. Even the vaccines which he thinks could cause autism, he thinks are more likely to prevent a disease which could cause autism.

    in reply to: Studies on vaccines you might have missed. #1665564

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    ProVaxxers, In the 1960s when there were only FOUR vaccines (not 72 like today)
    were there massive epidemics, were people dying in droves from measles, mumps, chicken pox, polio,
    diptheria, etc in the 1960s?

    define ProVaxxers

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665541

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    As time moves on their do become less guys available but this is BECAUSE of our system.

    Wouldn’t you agree that there are fewer girls around as well? By the same number? The exact same number of guys and girls get married.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665537

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    “The Shidduch crisis is a commonly observed and discussed phenomenon in the Orthodox Jewish community whereby eligible single persons, especially women, have difficulty finding a suitable spouse.”

    So I would say their definition is a combination.

    The OP certainly was referring to the disparity.

    I dont fully understand the question.

    I’ll ask it a bit differently. If we cut dating out of the process, but kept the typical ages intact, would there be a disparity?

    in reply to: Studies on vaccines you might have missed. #1665529

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    DaasYochid – Is Dr. Bob Sears Pro Vaccine or Anti-Vaccine?

    First answer my question please.

    in reply to: Studies on vaccines you might have missed. #1665519

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Funny, you haven’t had an issue with the precise definition of pro-vax when calling all of us liars.

    Anyhow, I don’t think someone needs to follow every detail of the CDC recommendations to be considered pro-vax.

    I’ll define pro-vax for the purpose of this question as someone who recommends that children receive most of the vaccines (not necessarily all and not necessarily at the precise times recommended by the CDC) being offered as currently being manufactured and distributed.

    Does Dr. Zimmerman fall in to this category?

    in reply to: Studies on vaccines you might have missed. #1665504

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I’m still waiting.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665495

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I disagree that that’s what most people mean.

    Do you deny that there are a lot more older single girls than boys?

    Do you deny that based on how our current shidduch system works (now how it theoretically could work, but how it does actually play out) there aren’t enough boys for the girls?

    in reply to: Studies on vaccines you might have missed. #1665489

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    First answer my question

    in reply to: Studies on vaccines you might have missed. #1665477

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Doomsday, is Dr. Zimmerman pro-vax or anti-vax?

    in reply to: Freezer-Burnt: Most boys unprepared for dating or married life. #1665467

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Here is a partial list of questions which come along with ” thawed out freezer syndrome”

    That’s excellent. Can we please see the rest?

    Which seminary did the grandmother attend?

    Haha

    in reply to: Freezer Joke #1665463

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Meno, please share with us all of the bad jokes you’ve heard about this

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665455

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    But when the numbers do match up or at least can.

    Yes, they can, if we close the age gap…

    BTW I dont deny the Shidduch crises I deny the Age Gap™ as being a main cause .

    What do you mean by the shidduch crisis? The disparity between number of available boys vs. girls?

    in reply to: Freezer Joke #1665431

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I don’t think we should talk about shidduchim any more. It causes people to have a Whirpool of emotions, is a a very Hotpoint, and someone Maytag you as insensitive if you say the wrong thing.

    (now you’ve heard three more)

    in reply to: Freezer-Burnt: Most boys unprepared for dating or married life. #1665417

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Naftush, the side effect of the freezer is that hundreds of boys start shidduchim at the same time, but it’s certainly not the intention, and I don’t know that it has any effect on the overall picture.

    Yes, the OP picked Tu B’shvat, when these boys start dating, to discuss whether they are properly prepared, but there’s no real connection.

    Maybe there are ways in which the shidduch process is “engineered” that we can discuss, but the freezer isn’t a great example.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665410

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    The rabbonim who advocate closing the gap seem to think not.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665396

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I’m sorry you don’t appreciate my humor.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665386

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    No, and no, because I hope we’re not a society of obnoxious peoples.

    in reply to: Freezer-Burnt: Most boys unprepared for dating or married life. #1665369

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    The freezer doesn’t introduce young adults to each other.

    “The freezer” as it’s called, is a rule with BMG has that a bochur first joining the yeshiva signs a paper that he will not meet with a prospective shidduch (in other words, date) for a few months. The reason this was instituted was not to change anything about shidduchim, it was so that bochurim will be settled into yeshiva when they start shidduchim, which helps them keep shidduchim from being a bigger distraction from learning than it would be if they started immediately.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665359

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Unless you mean that NOW there arent enough left., and I concede that that may be true.

    Yes

    But even closing the “age gap” wont help the current “older” singles

    Unfortunately true

    it is about trying to prevent future 34 year olds from being left behind

    Right. And if we continue with the same exact shidduch process, where more girls enter the pool of available singles than boys every year, it will repeat itself in 15 years.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665338

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    True if ALL 23 year olds only married 19 year olds there would be a problem.

    Maybe this is the point we differ on. You say that if a small amount(e.g. 5%) would marry at the same age, it would solve the disparity issue. I say it will help, but not solve it. (Also there are those who marry at a bigger age discrepancy than 3-4 years which makes it worse).

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665318

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Are ALL her classmates married to 38 year olds leaving her no one?

    I don’t know, maybe all of her classmates are married, but there are are a bunch of girls from her grade (perhaps from different schools) who aren’t.

    That just doesnt describe reality

    If the numbers don’t match up, you can’t just pretend they do. Someone recently coined a term for that. It’s called “Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome™”.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665298

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    True but what happened with the 40 year old boys (when they were 26 and she was 20), the 39 year olds? The 38 year olds? 37? 36? What about the 35 year olds? 34?

    They’re married.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665194

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Those 10 extra are STILL left without a chair, at this point we would have t conclude that it cant just be the age gap keeping them without seats, they must not hear as well, or run as fast or something Just the disparity cannot explain how these 10 are still let standing round after round

    It actually could in shidduchim, although in chairs you’d be right to assume there was a specific difficulty getting a seat.

    In musical chairs, it doesn’t matter who sits in which chair.

    If that were the case in shidduchim, the analogy would work. However, in shidduchim, the new entries, say the 23 year old boys, are unlikely to marry, say, a 34 year old girl. So even if in theory every girl had exactly the same qualities, the very fact that they have been playing musical chairs for a while (in other words, their age), is a prejudice against them. This wouldn’t be the case in actual musical chairs.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665185

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    And I’m being serious, because I have a feeling we’re talking about two different things.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665180

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    we just found an explanation that makes much more sense

    An explanation for what?

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665179

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    This leads to one of two possibilities (of course a combination is possible)

    either
    1) the original 10 have all found shiduchim,, and the extra 11.6 are all relative new comers, so ok hopefully they will find their chairs in the next few rounds. No problem, thye arent waiting “forever” some wait longer than others.

    or
    2) Those 10 extra are STILL left without a chair, at this point we would have t conclude that it cant just be the age gap keeping them without seats, they must not hear as well, or run as fast or something Just the disparity cannot explain how these 10 are still let standing round after round

    1) is only possible if the old timers marry the newcomers. In other words, closing the age gap. So we agree, but the problem is that’s not happening.

    2) I don’t follow. There aren’t enough chairs. No matter how fast everyone runs, someone will get to the chairs before others.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1664951

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    As long as the Ribono shel olom keep creating more players and chairs even if they are different numbers. The game will never end .

    There is an end game. People don’t stay in shidduch age forever.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1664929

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    It doesn’t make any sense in a changing system.

    It does. I’ll illustrate.

    At any given moment in time, there are more girls than boys in shidduchim. It changes because some constantly leave and enter, but when the same amount of boys and girls leave, it doesn’t change the disparity, and when more girls than boys enter, it only increases the disparity.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1664910

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    No, it makes sense even in a changing system, although we certainly don’t know who will be stuck without a chair.

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 18,988 total)


Trending