Joseph

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  • in reply to: Shadchanim #1667406

    Joseph
    Participant

    funnybone: Please elaborate on this thought of yours that “There are times, my shisduch included, that no one who have thought of it and only a pro puts it together.” Using yourself as an example, why do you assume a non-professional shadchan would never have thought of it?


    Joseph
    Participant

    Neville ChaimBerlin: Please elucidate what your definition of romance is when you state some say Chasidishe marriages have none of it (an assertion that you dispute.)


    Joseph
    Participant

    gadol: Do you think Bucharian Jews conduct martial life the same way Modern Orthodox Jews do?

    Of course there are differences. Some are rather very significant differences, even when speaking very generally.

    in reply to: Mental Health and Judaism #1667363

    Joseph
    Participant

    Not every secret causes a shidduch to fall into the halachic category of mekach taos. In fact, most don’t.

    in reply to: Bracha on Bananas and Pineapples #1667364

    Joseph
    Participant

    Bananas are a new world food.

    in reply to: Hashkafa and Shidduchim #1667365

    Joseph
    Participant

    Shopping613: For most of those things you can’t know even with (and after) the date. You can only really find out after the chasuna.


    Joseph
    Participant

    ubiquitin:

    1. Both. But Litvish better, perhaps. My definition of their expectations is to build a bayis ne’emen b’yisroel, with all that details. A bit vague, no doubt, which is why I’m asking you for your definition of it and description of the differences between them.

    2. From the Yeshivish side.

    3. I just read it. I think it could be applied to long term Litvish and Chasidish marriages. I also think it could be applied to long term secular and Catholic marriages.


    Joseph
    Participant

    “Maybe their expectations of marriage are more similar to Chasidim than to the American Litvish/Yeshivish world”

    ubiq: Can you please define what each of their expectations of marriage is and how they differ from each other?


    Joseph
    Participant

    TLIK: How, then, do you explain the reason why Chasidim and the Litvish/Yeshivish have a vastly different dating/engagement system from each other?

    i.e. beshows/one-two meetings in home/engaged with little contact till the wedding versus dating one on one 8-10 times/restaurants and outside venues/much more contact, etc.


    Joseph
    Participant

    Neville, you believe that very Chasidishe marriages (not just Rebbishe marriages — as well as very Yeshivish marriages in EY) by and large have notable romance, beyond what any long term marriage has? Why do you think some say otherwise?

    in reply to: Shadachan in Bene Brak #1667133

    Joseph
    Participant

    Go to Rav Chaim for a brocho.

    in reply to: New Kosher Gym? #1667077

    Joseph
    Participant

    If it does then Shmiras Einayim unquestionably takes precedence.

    in reply to: Shadchanim #1666511

    Joseph
    Participant

    I would venture to say that most (likely the vast majority) of Chareidi marriages occur from shidduchim that were not redt by a professional shadchan.

    in reply to: Lamud vov tzaddikim #1666507

    Joseph
    Participant

    You don’t become a lammud vovnik overnight. As your tzidkus grows, you grow into a bigger tzadik. When a lammud vovnik is niftar another tzadik reaches the madreiga of becoming a lammud vovnik. And the new lammud vovnik wasn’t a well known tzadik in the first place.

    Any other secrets you need answers to?

    in reply to: Shadchanim #1666494

    Joseph
    Participant

    What’s this whole todo with shadchanim, shadchanim, shadchanim. Everyone can get married without a professional shadchan. Family, friends, friends of friends, rabbonim, schoolmates, shul mates, acquaintances, neighbors and colleagues network and redt shidduchim. You don’t need a professional shadchan for that.

    in reply to: I got married! The shidduch crisis is over #1666492

    Joseph
    Participant

    jm22, is everything okay?

    in reply to: Lamud vov tzaddikim #1666491

    Joseph
    Participant

    There are only 36 of them and their identities are a secret.

    in reply to: Women Davening #1666200

    Joseph
    Participant

    She’s probably preparing the family meal, which is her primary duty. So she’s doing the right thing. Compliment her.

    in reply to: Hashkafa and Shidduchim #1666074

    Joseph
    Participant

    Oftentimes they’ll dress tzniusdik on the date even though at other times they’ll sometimes go out non-tzniusdik.

    in reply to: I got married! The shidduch crisis is over #1666076

    Joseph
    Participant

    I got married! The shidduch crisis is over

    Lemme guess… you became akuperma’s wife?!

    in reply to: New Kosher Gym? #1666069

    Joseph
    Participant

    DovidBT: Shmiras Einayim is a law not just a fence. (Even had it been a fence, fences are binding not optional.)

    in reply to: New Kosher Gym? #1665981

    Joseph
    Participant

    RY23, attending a gym that has both genders utilizing it at the same time is prohibited by Jewish law.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665938

    Joseph
    Participant

    Ubiq: “Its bad when all the research is separated from actually getting married”

    Why/how is that bad?

    “To paraphrase, Differetn expectations for where dating is supposed to lead .”

    I asked you how if the Litvish change their system to be more like the Modern Orthodox, as you proposed that the Litvish allow boys and girls to directly hookup at weddings and other events. How’s “different expectations” explain why the Litvish should partially switch to the MO model?

    in reply to: New Kosher Gym? #1665937

    Joseph
    Participant

    What’s this business about “would feel more comfortable in an all-male gym”? Going to a non-all male gym is forbidden by Jewish law.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665924

    Joseph
    Participant

    DY: Can you explain in more detail how a typical American Litvish marriage differs so much from a typical American Chasidish marriage?

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665903

    Joseph
    Participant

    Ubiq: What is “the bad part of chasidish dating” that you refer to? If it is that they research so much (far more than the Litvish) before seeing each other, how can you say it is bad if the system works well for them? In fact, they don’t have the shidduch crisis nearly to the extent as the Litvish have it.

    And the MO do not have less if a shidduch crisis than the Litvish do (in fact you could argue they have it even worse), so how does your proposal that the Litvish adopt many aspects of the Modern Orthodox dating system, such as guys and gals hooking up at meals, weddings and events, going to help the Litvish when it isn’t helping the MO have a better marriage system than the Litvish? What leads you to believe such changes would be beneficial to the Litvish?

    DY: Why would American Litvish style bochurim in terms of sholom bayis have it differently than American Chasidish bochurim in terms of sholom bayis, it they both followed the same system?

    in reply to: Freezer-Burnt: Most boys unprepared for dating or married life. #1665831

    Joseph
    Participant

    TLIK: Perhaps I overlooked your suggestion, but what, in detail, solution do you propose for the problem you describe?

    in reply to: New Kosher Gym? #1665823

    Joseph
    Participant

    Yeled is a not-for-profit?!

    in reply to: Hashkafa and Shidduchim #1665820

    Joseph
    Participant

    Me12345: 4″ could be part of the discussion, but I would suggest being more inclusive than just that narrow issue.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665818

    Joseph
    Participant

    Mammele, both examples might be difficult, but doable. “Very difficult” can imply close to practically undoable, which is incorrect imo.

    in reply to: New Kosher Gym? #1665769

    Joseph
    Participant

    How is Yeled not paying for the property?

    in reply to: Hashkafa and Shidduchim #1665702

    Joseph
    Participant

    Tznius.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665698

    Joseph
    Participant

    “I think cutting down the gap is a very difficult thing to do.”

    It doesn’t appear to be very difficult to do for the Chasidim.

    in reply to: Shidduchim for singles with mental health issues #1665579

    Joseph
    Participant

    Amil: Any one of what you cite might be an example.

    in reply to: Freezer Joke #1665468

    Joseph
    Participant

    One man’s bad humor are another man’s parody.

    in reply to: Freezer Joke #1665432

    Joseph
    Participant

    Now the girls are in the freezer.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665424

    Joseph
    Participant

    The rabbonim who advocate closing the age gap came to advocate that only after askonim brought it to their attention. Perhaps those same askonim ought to petition the rabbonim to more forcefully dissuade couples from getting engaged if there’s an age gap?

    in reply to: Shidduchim for singles with mental health issues #1665408

    Joseph
    Participant

    Takes2: Who says the kiddushin isn’t chal? As long as they were both aware of the situation prior to the kiddushin it is chal.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665389

    Joseph
    Participant

    DY: Wouldn’t public criticism of the concept (not the people) by rabbonim be helpful in discouraging and reducing the incidences of age gap marriages, thereby greatly alleviating the crisis?

    in reply to: Freezer-Burnt: Most boys unprepared for dating or married life. #1665388

    Joseph
    Participant

    Naftush II: The only thing the freezer is designed and aimed for is to keep young gentlemen focused on their Limud Torah rather than taking away from that endeavor by their engaging in shidduch involvement. There’s no other “human engineering” intended regarding introducing guys and gals to each other, that you seem to be referring to.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665375

    Joseph
    Participant

    DY: Should communities shun those who marry a spouse with a notable age gap, due to the societal crisis such action causes? Or if not shun the individuals, at least be publicly very critical of the concept of marriages with a notable (what “notable” is would have to be defined) age gap.

    If not, why not?

    in reply to: Shidduchim for singles with mental health issues #1665363

    Joseph
    Participant

    funnybone, a shoita can’t give a Get, so suffice to say I think the divorce rate will be below average.


    Joseph
    Participant

    Reb Toi, any rebuttal to Rav Feldman shlita?

    in reply to: Freezer-Burnt: Most boys unprepared for dating or married life. #1665069

    Joseph
    Participant

    The Chareidi world has one of the smallest divorce rates of any society.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1665068

    Joseph
    Participant

    ubiq: Your math is bad. I would otherwise explain it to you if not for the fact that it’s been explained extensively here for years, so saying it one more time is certainly going to fall on deaf non-understanding ears.

    in reply to: Yom Kippur Kattan Minyan – Miami Beach/Miami #1664971

    Joseph
    Participant

    Do they have such things outta town?

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1664958

    Joseph
    Participant

    Syag, plus everyone has a zivug, a bashert, from 40 days before birth. So it cannot be that there’s even one Yid ever who cannot get married. Correct?

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1664937

    Joseph
    Participant

    Whoever agrees that the age gap is a significant cause of a disparity resulting in a larger number of girls in shidduchim than boys, resulting in a constant percentage of girls being unable to ever marry, must by definition agree that to mostly or at least partially correct that crisis the following two steps will significantly help, if not they’re being absolutely critical to fix the problem:

    1. Boys getting married notably younger than the current trend.

    2. Boys marrying girls their own age, rather than an average of being three years older than their wife.

    It seems apparent than both these steps could be much better accomplished, if not perhaps the only way to implement them on a consistent basis in the future, is for far more parental involvement in choosing shidduchim’s timeline (age) and partner (spouse).

    in reply to: Freezer-Burnt: Most boys unprepared for dating or married life. #1664839

    Joseph
    Participant

    “not everyone that goes through Lakewood can adapt outside of Lakewood”

    CA: What does that mean?

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Denial Syndrome #1664838

    Joseph
    Participant

    “Anyhow, I looked it up. Apparently, trying to close the gap by focusing on the older girls didn’t make much if a dent, because for the most part, the boys are still marrying the younger girls.”

    DY: Where did you glean this information?

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 3,198 total)


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