Comments on: Shidduch Crisis? Part II

By: lgbg

lgbg — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 17:05:13 +0000

If you insist on calling this a ‘crisis’ still. Then maybe instead of complaining and arguing, start setting people up. At lunchtime or tonight, take out a paper and fold it into half. On one side write all the single boys you know-with their age, and the other side write down all the single girls you know. Then start making some phone calls. You never know how many shidduchim each of you can make!
(you can do it with a friend, and you have more to work with, but start asap! don’t let it wait!)

Good Luck!!
Bracha v’hatzlocha!

By: lgbg

lgbg — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:42:30 +0000

If everyone keeps on saying that there is a shidduch ‘crisis’, instead of complaining and arguing, go home tonight or even today at lunchtime, and make a list of all the single girls you know and all the single boys you know and start matching them up!

if you know only boys than ask around if anyone knows any girls and vice versa!

Good Luck!!!

and may we here many many many more mazel tovs in klal yisrael!

By: worker

worker — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 15:42:54 +0000

76, i don’t think anyone ever counted them, so you can’t compare it to the gender of a child! maybe if we knew actual numbers of boys and girls then you can say that. maybe there are an equal amount of boys and girls, maybe there just aren’t an equal amount of “good” boys to “good” girls. but being that this is a “hidden” fact, i still say we leave this to Hashem. Each person has do their own hishtadlus. When the Gedolim come out with somethingthen we listen until then, everyone’s personal ideas of what is going to solve this are not going to help anyone.

By: ploiderer1

ploiderer1 — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 05:40:12 +0000

#70 – The gemara says that if one prays that his pregnant wife should give birth to a male, it is a tefilas shov, a useless prayer. Although Hashem can change the sex of a child, as it was in the case of Leah, he will not do so. Hashem will not make 5100 = 5000 no matter how much one davens. Instead, one should have in mind during the brocho of Chonen Hadaas that Hashem should give us the wisdom and sechel to recognize that a shidduch crisis exists and to do what’s necessary to prevent it from continuing.

By: blates

blates — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 05:23:23 +0000

A few years ago Star K conducted a research to see how many Jewish boys and girls are born each year. They found out that the numbers were VERY CLOSE!!
This means that there are enough boys to marry girls…So Whats the problem??
The problem is that Boys from age 20-25 only want to marry girls of ages 18-21 Max. and thats beside the 100 item list they have of what they want in a girl.
There is absolutely nooo reason why boys cannot marry girls of their same age!!!! I know of 22 year old girls who told me that some Bochurim would not go out with them just because of their age even though the boys themselves were 23.. 24… 25 years old.
WE CAN decrease the amount of Singles if boys are to agree to date girls their age.
I am not saying this will solve the Shidduch Crises but it DEFINITELY CAN HELP!!

By: bina yesaira

bina yesaira — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 05:08:39 +0000

#71- you sent your daughter $500 spending $ every month? that is crazy! parents have to know how to say no. when it comes to sending them to seminary, that is a whole parsha in itself, since unfortunately in certain circles it does have an impact on shidduchim, so for parents to somehow come up with the money to pay for seminary, (and i do believe that the girls gain immensely, weightwise and spiritually and maturity) a parent might think of it as part of their hishtadlus towards marrying off their daughter. but what does anyone need that ammount of spending money for?!! and if she claims she does, make her work and save up money to pay for it. i bet she will need that ice coffee a little less often! i am speaking from experience- i have sent several daughters to seminary (and by the way it is $15,000 plus the flight and then getting them ready by buying everything for the yr and spending money, so it isnt quite $20,000 before the spending money), and they have never spent more than $2500 for spending money over the 10 months they are there- and that was their hard-earned money, which does cause them to think twice before using it.
alos, as to your thoughts on the shidduch crisis, halevai it should be so simple!

By: yitzy99

yitzy99 — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 04:41:57 +0000

All who think seminaries and kollel are responsible for the shidduch crises should learn from the example of my neighbor who is 72. He is still working and Baruch Hashem he looks great. He is helping support three married children and many grandchildren. He once told me that it would be very sad if one of his children had to leave the Beis Midrush for the sake of making a living. May Hashem give him koach to continue.

By: kensingtonfam

kensingtonfam — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 04:33:57 +0000

Interesting points lgbg… sounds like you are in the purim spirit with your gorel idea. I think you may first want to explore seeing more shadchanim. May you be zoche to find this “prince” for whom you are davening. Shavua Tov!

By: mother721

mother721 — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:43:32 +0000

I believe that seminaries are responsible for the shidduch crises thats going on. They brainwash girls that they’re suppose to marry only kollel guys and “godol hadors” My daughter came back from seminary ( Im not going to mention which one but its one of the frum ones) and she didn’t even want to hear about a guy that isn’t planning on doing kollel. We know a great boy,middos,learns but he isn’t in kollel. My daughter said no to the shidduch!

These seminaries shouldn’t be instilling kollel into these girls, they should leave it up to the girl and her parents to decide. My daughter in seminary became accustomed kollel, since all her teachers were themselves in kollel since they are supported from the high tuition that we pay to send our daughters to seminary. Besides we cant afford supporting my daughter, its hard as it is ( the tuition was a big burden as of well).Furthermore, Boys go to kollel since they know that they will be supported. But not everyone can support these boys, so why are seminaries teaching girls to marry only kollel?

Even if they don’t, Seminaries also causes them to become very spiritual and the girls end up wanting kollel anyways. they cause them indirectly to .

Before the whole seminary idea there was less of a shidduch crises, girls weren’t so picky. Now more and more seminaries are opening up and the shidduch crises is growing at the same time. It became a custom to go to seminary, if a girl doesn’t go she is looked down at. Not everyone can afford $20,000, which is besides for the $500 in spending money that we had to send our daughter every month. Something has to be done about this whole issue because its just getting worse and worse!

By: worker

worker — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 16:08:40 +0000

#38 and #48 said it right.
Divorces now a days are a result of the secular culture seeping in to our society. just as the rest of secularism seeps in slowly, so too this. music, movies, drugs, clothing styles, books etc… the world is at an all time low morally and that is, nebach, infuencing Klal Yisroel as well. we are influenced by the society around us.

When 2 people get married they think they should live happily ever after, he/she SHOULD treat me like this or like that etc. their expectations are unrealistic. BOTH parties have to work very hard in order to have a good loving marriage. If you see someone happily married, (it may be show), but if they really are happy it is because they WORK on it and they WORK HARD. for those who work together as a team, Marriage is the most beautiful thing in the world. For those who don’t work on it, it is the worst curse! You can’t say they got married too quickly and fell in with the wrong guy (unless there is abuse or something very extreme going on).

They have to work on their Middos. that is what Marriage is about!!!! why do you think there are no married couples in hollywood that stayed married? (there may be 1 or 2, i really have no idea the exact numbers) because they married the wrong guy?? NO! because they are selfish and only care about SELF.

Let us try to look to the Torah for answers to our problems instead of all the rest of this hock about crisises.

Also the person who wrote davening won’t help because you can’t change the numbers, there are more girls then boys – - — How can you ever say such a thing??????? Hashem can do anything!!!!! He can change numbers, He can change letters, Hashem can change whatever He wants!!!!! How did all the people fit into the Beis Hamikdash? you can’t change the number of square feet can you?! but Hashem made a neis and all the people fit!!! Anyway did you ever count the number of boys?? did you ever count the number of girls? how do you know there are more girls. I think we can leave that to Hashem.

In the meantime, please continue davening for all those who need a shidduch, Yound and old and continue to suggest as many shidduchim as you are able to.

Thank you
Good Shabbos.