Another story that proves my point, discuss these issues with chosson/husband openly and honestly and save yourself all the problems.

I only mentioned that point btw, the main ingredient was the open discussion between man and wife. I only brought the story to show that the problem of friends overstepping the mark can be not only single friends to newlyweds but even between 30-40 year old married people. In this case the wife “forgot” about her husband’s feelings and needed to be reminded. The husband overreacted and needed to be brought back down to reality. Boruch HaShem it worked…

Returning to the issue at hand: I still haven’t understood from you if you agree that ideally it is not necessary to slam phones down on friends and an open discussion with one’s spouse to understand their feelings on the subject should be enough to allow a working situation whereby both sides appreciate that each others’ friends are not threats but part and parcel of life with another person. Would you really be insulted and upset if your husband continued talking on the phone to a friend when you arrived home?

Having said all that, I agree that if a friend totally oversteps her mark and cannot understand that you are not available 24/7 for her and begins to either get on your husband’s nerves or gets you so angry/frustrated that it interferes with your happiness and marriage AND after trying unsuccessfully to explain this to her nicely and with sensitivity to her difficult and “lonely” situation, then your husband must come first and be nice but firm with your friend and if she is offended then understand that it is HER problem now and not yours. Usually after a week or so of feeling sorry for herself, she will miss you enough to call, apologize and accept your terms for the friendship. I have a friend (at the time he had 9 children, married for 12 years etc.) and his wife became very friendly with another married lady and began doing everything with her including discussing everything from menus to children, clothes to chinuch problems etc. He began to feel threatened by this friend as he no longer felt himself as his wife’s best friend and he forbade his wife to speak to her anymore. She agreed out of no choice but spent many hours crying… He too felt bad but had no idea how to extricate himself from the situation. He told me the story adding that even then he feels the friend’s influence on his wife as she still isnt opening up to him as she used to. My advice was the same to him as to you. DISCUSS IT WITH YOUR SPOUSE HONESTLY. Tell her that you felt threatened, tell her how unhappy you are to see her so sad now, discuss together ways of allowing the friendship to flourish without it interfering with him. It wasnt easy but now they are all happy and friends. (Another thing I told him to do which would help, is to cultivate a friendship with this friend’s husband so they too would all feel part of the relationship rather than outsiders.) I really think that the answer to so many of the problems in marriage is open and honest discussion – that is why I suggested to you to show this forum to your husband as that will open up the lines of communication to hear his side of the story. What is his advice on how to deal with your difficult friend? Have you discussed it with him?

Again, I wish you lots of happiness and the siyatta dishmaya to build up the true bayis ne’eman and to be zoche to pass it on to the next generation too.

Btw, you mentioned in an earlier response about “Maybe you have misunderstood him too and what he really wants is supper ready on the table etc. (Remember I am a male and I speak like one too!!!)”… that’s one place i SHINE!! i am proud to say that i have been cooking for my husband really great meals, including preparing breakfast and lunch for him before i leave to work.