Comments on: Out Of The Mailbag: (Frustrated Boy In Shidduchim)

By: plonis

plonis — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 17:31:53 +0000

I don’t know if anyone is still reading this, but I have a few points to make.

Just for the record, I am a 17-year old girl, and I will IY”H be going to seminary soon. And by the way – it’s not always seminary and school that brainwashes a girl to want to marry a learning boy – sometimes the girls want it themselves.

1) What about the Yissochar/Zevulun or Shimon achi Azarya partnership? They were learning and relying on someone else’s tzedoka for parnassa.
2) Someone asked my principal (a very choshuv talmid chochom) a question – the same issue that #58 raised. He said that if a girl finds that she can’t manage because her husband is learning, and she considers it a burden to support him, then she should ask him to leave Kollel and go to work. And he said that if he doesn’t agree, she should send her husband to him. He said that he learnt for 6 years after getting married, and the day that his wife had their first child, he left yeshiva and went to work. No, he did not become a lawyer, doctor, accountant, (and NO – I don’t not think that there is anything wrong with any of those) he went into chinuch. And he’s still there now, having just married off his 4th daughter.
3) Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to work and be kovei’a ittim to the highest degree, plus be an ehrliche yid. My uncle wakes up 4 o’clock, learns, davens, learns some more, goes to work, comes home, and learns. And yes, he does find time to spend with his family.

By: freezer

freezer — Thu, 29 May 2008 15:50:10 +0000

#73 i am still here, a week later…

By: beeps

beeps — Wed, 21 May 2008 19:14:18 +0000

Freezer, you still there? i want to answer your question but will not just hammer away if you are not on this forum anymore…..

By: anon1m0us1

anon1m0us1 — Wed, 21 May 2008 13:38:43 +0000

How can we sit and learn if we do not have rich in laws!?

By: justWhatWeNeed

justWhatWeNeed — Wed, 21 May 2008 02:23:35 +0000

People, it’s time someone pointed out that this like all other tzaros/crisses in Klal Yisrael are not new to our generation. Anyone ever hear of Tu B’Av? The men learning in the Mir in the early 1900′s married in their 40′s because they couldn’t find girls willing to marry a ben Torah. B”H Sara Schneirer succeded and now girls only want to marry a ben Torah. In anycase, the point here is that we are living in Galus and this is one of Hashem’s reminders to us. Lets not forget, we’re in this galus together and when we realize that, we’ll be that much closer to getting out of galus and to the Geulah Shelaima, bmheira biyamainu. Enough said on this topic, turn all your energy toward doing something about it instead of koching. Good Night!

By: justWhatWeNeed

justWhatWeNeed — Wed, 21 May 2008 02:07:13 +0000

Excuse me #16 let me truncate your statement:

“The BIGGEST problem today is, there is no tznius.”

By: willi

willi — Tue, 20 May 2008 18:52:37 +0000

the $$$$$$$$$$$ issue by shidduchim (supporting for many years) is bizarre.
-if the father of the girl taka has money – he might lose it. (yes, many ppl that you see on the street & you think they’re soaking in $$$ might very well be “yordim” who have no choice but to play rich due to embarrassment)
-if the father doesn’t really have money but he still promises… 1. he might forget his promise after a while or simply not be able to keep it cuz after all he’s swimming in debt, 2. even if he tears himself apart to get it – can you live with a clean conscience knowing that you’re sleeping 12 hrs a night without daagos while he is at risk of getting a heart attack BECAUSE OF YOU??????????????

By: lgbg

lgbg — Tue, 20 May 2008 15:56:34 +0000

Another point i think the roshei yeshiva have a huge part in every bochurs shidduch life.

And there are some roshei yeshiva who actually tell boys that ‘dont go for the shidduch your worth more.’

A friend of mine, her shidduch wasn’t going to continue until they promise more money, because his rosh yeshiva said he’s worth more! That is not normal!

By: tooperfect

tooperfect — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:44:39 +0000

to #65- is your son dating yet? he sounds like he has an awesome mom! i’d love to get on his list. seriously.

By: Mrs. L

Mrs. L — Tue, 20 May 2008 12:59:52 +0000

The kesuba states that a man is m’chuyav to support his wife. In communities where long time and lifetime learning is the norm, I dare say that the kesuba is a meaningless document. Since the wife will spend her life, albeit willingly, supporting herself, her husband and children, of what purpose is the reading of the kesuba (with much kavana) about the mans obligations. They both have no intention of abiding by a good part of it.