Comments on: Mishpacha Magazine article on the Shidduch crisis

By: ravizzy

ravizzy — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 14:44:41 +0000

Recently we were at a wedding and saw 2 tables of Yeshiva bochurim [black hat etc.] and well away on the other side 2 tables of frum young ladies [you can recognize them a mile away]. My wife who is always trying to make shidduchim and recognized a few from both sides decided to start “working”. She quietly approached the rosh Yeshiva of these fellows [all from one Yeshiva-of the chasan) and asked for “permission” to call out one or two boys into the lobby to meet 1 or 2 girls she knew. “ES PASST NISHT” WAS THE ANSWER!
With Rosh Yeshivos like that and with such amazing attitudes, is it any wonder that there are so many singles?
2) My wife ws hard at work on a shiddush for a girl she knew with a boy recommended. His mother said, ” He needs ten years to learn without working and the girls must be ready to support him for that tijme, because I can contribute very little.” End of story.
How do guys like that have the nerve to write in the kesubah: and I will respect you and support you like the hilchos of Jewish men who respect and support their wives faithfully?” LIARS!!!!
THEY EVEN LEAVE OUT “WITH GD’S HELP” which used to be included in kesobos of years ago.
Woe unto this wacky generation !
YITZY.

By: Baal Boose

Baal Boose — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 16:05:39 +0000

Great. Now we are telling our daughters don’t marry until your career is set up?
Then they’ll have to read magazines how to juggle career and children.
One more thing, husbands are learning, wives are working and shikse’s are bringing up the next DOR.

PS “promised full support” Why are the rosh yeshiva’s encouaraging to marry for money? Is this our new value system?

By: nnuts

nnuts — Sun, 17 Dec 2006 22:52:02 +0000

Ashuber, you’re absolutely right. I had wanted to add that after placing my earlier post but didn’t want to hog the blog field. A lot of girls I know are especially considering BT’s because that is the population that makes up a large number of the available single men out there. And though some may not be suitable, I think FFB families are very much willing to overlook the BT aspect as long as they’re stable in Yiddishkeit. I think singles have to look outside the box when the box you’ve been tending to is now empty (or nearly there, anyway).

By: ashuber

ashuber — Sun, 17 Dec 2006 16:59:31 +0000

Adding to this problem is that in my experience I have seen many more boys go off the derech than girls. The BT’s that take their place aren’t suitable for many FFB families. Why has no one mentioned this fact?

By: Take A Chill

Take A Chill — Sun, 17 Dec 2006 09:17:55 +0000

Abi meleibt:

what did you mean when you transalated that anyway? Kol Kvodah Bas Melech Penimah…ok so….that was her point — the torah condones a woman staying in the house! and your saying….??????

By: malkyt

malkyt — Sun, 17 Dec 2006 03:44:05 +0000

Dear Whatever, What’s with the translation? Do you think condone is a difficult word?

By: glatterkop

glatterkop — Sat, 16 Dec 2006 18:28:57 +0000

i think the problem has nothing to do with statistics even if their would be the same amount of boys and girls there will always be the problem that their is more good girls than good boys,
every girl is looking for the top boy, the point that chassidim dont have the problem is because chassidim have a diferent criteria of top boy then the litvish oilam.
if u make the boys go younger then it will only help temprorarily cause it will have the top older boys and the top younger boys but in the long run it will have the same problem.
the point at the end of the article that women live longer them men means nothing because it comes from the goiyesh velt, i u take a poll by the yiddishe velt it would probably be the same.

By: yobwej

yobwej — Sat, 16 Dec 2006 18:24:13 +0000

I am a 33year old BT Kohane, who recently married married a wonderful 26 year old FFB from a non-yeshivish, yet non-modern NORMAL, wonderful family–no shtick, just real emes!
Before I met my wife, I dated over 80 girls from UWS to BY Boro Park girls and everyone in between (I even dated my wife’s sister-in-law!)
From my experiences, I saw many problems in both the boys and the girls (although I was in an older parsha)
many of the girls were too free-minded and didn’t think with daas Torah, many had warped or inconsistent hashkafos, some girls were just too picky–looking for a super handsome, talmid chuchum with a PHD and a wonderful sophisticated family. some girls judged me because of where I came from, and some simply had no clue what they wanted.
many guys, especially the older ones, are just wierdos, many are obsessed w/ the age thing (my buddy “piloni” is 44, just found a job after years of living off of savings, yet he turns down girls because they are too old–37 or 38! he really expects a 32 yr old to go out t/ him) Of course, many guys are looking for perfect barbie-dolls, and the list goes on…….
In the post high-school standard yeshivish world, I see lots of unecessary “shtick”. I was once by my chavrusa’s house, and he was on the phone w/ the mother of a buchur from his yeshiva trying to recommend a shidduch for his sister. He spent over 30 minutes explaining to the mother each and every one of his siblings, who they are married to, and how “chashiv” they are (of course he didn’t mention his one sister who is off the “yeshivish” derech and not in close contact with the family) WHAT ON EARTH DOES ALL THIS HAVE TO DO W/ THE SHIDDUCH ITSELF? Nothing! Of course, the boy said no because the girl opted not to attend seminary for various reasons.
As I sincerely wanted to get married, I opened up to different options. I was willing to try long distance dating, I went out w/ girls OLDER than me, I tried sephardim, BT’s, FFB’s etc…. and I almost always went out w/ the girl for a 2nd date even if the 1st wasn’t so promising.
B”H my wife and I are now living in E”Y to start our marriage while I learn in kollel. Daven hard, be honest w/ yourself and Hashem will answer!

By: Abi meleibt

Abi meleibt — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 17:48:24 +0000

Whatever- i actually cut and pasted rachelthejew comment….abi meleibt though

By: WHATEVER

WHATEVER — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 16:57:05 +0000

Abi meleibt Says:

December 14th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
rachelthejew-”If anything, the torah condones a woman staying in the house!!” did i miss something??????Doesn’t it say kol kvoda bas melech penima???????

con·done /kənˈdoʊn/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[kuhn-dohn]

to give tacit approval to: By his silence, he seemed to condone their behavior

or another example would be if anything the torah condones a woman staying home hence kol kavodah bas melech penima

whatever, abi melaibt