BYM, I’ll give you this: if you’ve been doing a lot of reading, listening etc, then yes, I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of drivel. This is the age when it takes next to nothing to establish yourself as an ‘authority’ on any given topic. And people def. tend to simply parrot the hashkafos they’re taught, without giving thought to today’s realities.
So you’re really seeking the truth. So just as example, I’ll ask you: why do you keep on harping on the intelligence issue ? Not one poster, far as I can recall, claimed that the Torah role for women is defined by their inferior intelligence. And I’m sure you haven’t come across that either. Yet you’re sure that’s really behind people’s attitudes.
So, as a very interesting case in point: How have you understood the Rambam’s very interesting terminology when explaining why women don’t/shouldn’t learn/be taught [have I covered all bases there?] Gemara ?