The bottom line is that it would be foolish for one’s spiritual health and priorities to instill “Ahavat E”Y” without first consulting a posek or LOR to determine if such a thing should be done and, if it should be done, then by what parameters.
If you don’t agree to the premise that it is a Mitzvah Kiyumis, and you are working with this Mitzvah Chiyuvis, then obviously one would have to sacrifice everything for the Mitzvah.
You are not the first person I have heard like that. Many people seem to think that Yiddishkeit is all about Hergesh (emotion), and about making you feel spiritually fulfilled. What does Halacha matter as long as you feel in the spirit of things? (I know you didn’t go that far!)
That attitude is totally wrong. Torah must dictate our life, not society and social norms. What you decide is optimal for Chinuch cannot change Torah. If you decide Shechita/Milah is cruel, you still gotta do it.