i get what you were saying, I just don’t think it applies to this. I also didn’t get the impression he had that attitude you expressed in #4. I think talking to a rebbitzen or rav may give you some insight as to what her attitude toward tznius/growth is in general, who knows.
I remembered after posting that there was something that my husband did (or didn’t do) that I really couldn’t “deal with”. When we talked about it he said, “If I change this now, it will be for you, because you asked. I agree that it is right and do believe I’ll get there, I just need more time”. This is very different than just becoming territorial or defensive, which we do as newlyweds but will never want to call it that.
I wouldn’t call myself an expert either, after all I’ve only done it once 😉 (B”H, BE”H)