Wow! #Hash#Tag#, I’m really amazed, astounded!! I don’t think I’ve read about you, (not that I’m here ALL THE TIME), and certainly don’t know your personals, can’t perceive your feelings, emotions. But know this; some who lose their parents R’L can grow ever closer to the ever loving, kind Father in Heaven, a closer, more powerful connection not realized beforehand. And yes, though I’m not at all in your situation, I do know with a certainty that HaShem can and does provide support (and lots more). I’ve experienced it throughout my life.
Knowing that you have Someone directly looking after you should provide you with some feeling of solace, serenity.
KEEP IT UP!!