When I sat shiva for my father O”H 21 years ago, someone came in and started to say what I thought was going to be something very sweet to me, comparing me to her daughter (who is a very accomplished, intelligent woman, with many, many mailos). What she in fact said when she finished the sentence was, “Yes, you really remind me of my daughter. After she got married, she also became heavy!”
And when we sat shiva for my mother O”H five months later (yes, I lost both of them within five months unexpectedly), ANOTHER woman, an old friend of my parents, came in and started telling us about when she and my mom were both pregnant together. She gave birth first and had “a beautiful baby boy – THE most gorgeous baby boy ever brought into the universe. And so SMART!: Why, he could practically do calculus by the time of his bris! (I take poetic license here). Now comes the zinger. THEN, my MOM gave birth to my sister and (quote), “But as gorgeous as MY baby boy was…
THAT’S HOW UGLY YOU WERE WHEN YOU WERE BORN! I didn’t know how to even wish a sincere mazel tov to your poor parents, nebbich, I was so upset for them!” Yes, this woman said those words, and she was NOT joking at the time, in case you think she was.
We were floored, because my sister was an absolutely gorgeous baby, so gorgeous, in fact, that the nurses all fought to take care of her, and told my mom they were so jealous of her, getting to take this beautiful baby home (and she WAS beautiful – I can attest to that, and she still is, kinehora ad meah v’esrim shana). But my poor sis was SO flummoxed by the woman’s comment that she unthinkingly stammered, “But I was always told I was a pretty baby – are you sure you don’t mean my sister???” (We are working through that remark to this day, LOL, but the truth is I was a preemie, born at the beginning of the 8th month, and really NOT so pretty a baby until I was a month old, and then I was GAW-JUSS!)
The woman quickly replied, “NOOOOOOO!!! It was YOU. B”H you finally grew into your looks later on! So I didn’t have to feel sorry for your parents anymore.”
People often say really stupid things when they cannot think of anything to say. And sometimes, the old adage is true. “Better to be silent and thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt…”
BTW, my sibs and I (we are two girls and two boys) ALL had a really good laugh over these incidents, and when the second woman left we said, “Nichamtanu, Mrs. So and So. Nichamtanu.”