awesome points.
When I was a bnos leader I found that the girls from the telshe families and the girls from the non-telshe families were banding (sp?) together against each other very fiercely. When I was able to determine that a lot of it came from feeling ‘under attack’, just as you said, I was able to break some of the walls down. They each worried that finding good things in the “other” girls would threaten their view of how they themselves should be. If only we could feel united by better things we might not have to feel so defensive.