> We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
> But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
> One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
> Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
> You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
> Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
>
> If the plural of man is always called men,
> Then shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
> If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
> And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
> If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
> Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
>
> Then one may be that, and three would be those,
> Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
> And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
> We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
> But though we say mother, we never say methren.
> Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
> But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
>
> Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
> There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
> neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
> English muffins weren’t invented in England .
> We take English for granted, but if we explore its
> paradoxes,
> we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are
> square,
> and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
>
> And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t
> fing,
> grocers don’t groce and
> hammers don’t ham?
> Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
> one amend.
> If you have a bunch of odds and ends
> and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
>
> If in the past, teachers taught, why didn’t preachers
> praught?
> If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian
> eat?
> Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking
> English
> should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
>
> In what other language do people recite at a play and play
> at a recital?
> We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
> We have noses that run and feet that smell.
> We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
> And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
> while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
>
> You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
> in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
> in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
> and in which an alarm goes off by going on.