Narrated by Patur Aval Assur:
I was strolling down the street, whistling a somber tune, and minding my own business when I walked right into a pole. Why, you might ask was there a pole in the middle of the street? Well there actually wasn’t. Being so absorbed in my ruminations I had lost track of where I was going and I had apparently wandered into some strange place where there was nothing to be seen other than the aforementioned pole. Once I was there anyway, I decided to take a closer look at the pole and I noticed that there was a flyer on the pole. The flyer said: The Coffee Room Convention in LA – Keynote Address to be delivered by Randomex, entitled “Perfunctory Points Pertaining to the Personality of Past and Present Posters, and Particularly the Plethora of Presumptuous, Pretentious, and Provocative Posts of Patur Aval Assur”. “Oho”, said I to myself; I should probably check this thing out. So off I went to the Coffee Room Convention in LA.
The trouble started a mere half hour into the flight. Someone had figured out that the entire membership of the Coffee Room was on this flight and he decided to hijack the plane. We were brought to an uninhabited island, and the hijacker flew off, leaving us behind. People immediately started introducing themselves to one another, and let me tell you, there were quite a few shockers. I mean, who would have thought that Vayoel Moshe would be wearing Israeli Flag cuff-links. Well actually, I wasn’t so surprised, because as R’ Rakeffet is wont to say “You can’t be a Zionist until you’ve gone through all of Vayoel Moshe”. But I digress. I was hanging around watching everyone interacting, but I couldn’t help wondering what the purpose of this hijacking was. The hijacker had summarily abandoned us and it didn’t seem like he was coming back anytime soon. My first thought was that this was a ploy by Randomex who had not yet written his speech and was stalling for time. But when I suggested this, Cozimjewish promptly said that she knows Randomex and when he doesn’t respond, it’s not because he needs more time, but because he is ignoring.
A few others threw out some theories. One of the better ones was suggested by Lamud Vov Tzadik – that we needed to all be gathered together in this auspicious place to perform an important Kabbalistic ritual. This caused a fight to erupt about whether this place was the right place, or if perhaps Uman would be better. It was resolved when Ivory pointed out that no one had thought to bring along their Rav, so we wouldn’t be able to perform the ritual anyway.
????? ???? a tremendous cacophony was heard. We all looked up and behold the Primordial Joseph was approaching from afar. Defeating him was going to require a team effort. The problem was that he had several hundred heads. Yekke2 came up with a brilliant idea. “Just play him a bit of music and he’ll fall straight to sleep.” Letakein Girl turned to Eftachbchinor and said “Quickly, get your harp!”. Eftach responded that she doesn’t play the harp (yet). “It matters not”, I responded. “???? ??? ???? ????? ????? ????? ?????.” So we were able to defeat Joseph. Except as it turned out, Joseph was just a projection, not really there. Meanwhile we began to hear a ticking noise but nobody was able to locate its origin. Finally, LittleFroggie shouted “I’ve found the source of the ticking! It’s a pipe bomb!”
There could be only one conclusion: This was a conspiracy by the Moderators. But their bomb didn’t work because it had no subtitle.