Reply To: this is DEATHLY important!!

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#1084797
oomis
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You mean to say that someone we would consider to be a Godol, would say something awful like that TO THE NIFTAR’S AVEIL during the nichum aveilim??????? I just cannot believe that for a minute, and I do not think you should write such a thing. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by adding agmas nefesh to the aveila. We are not even supposed to say divrei nechama when an aveil is making preparations to bury his meis. Kal v’chomer something so insensitive and accusatory during the shiva. That is just appalling.

A Godol visiting the choleh IN the hospice might rightfully enquire of the staff what is being done for the patient and have a discussion with the family if he sees something wrong is being done halachically. But to say something after the fact, which does NO good whatsoever, and in fact can cause great tzaar to the family to think they allowed their parent to be murdered… sorry, I don’t buy it. That does not sound like the actions of a true Godol, who would find a more appropriate time, if any, to impart that idea, than during the shiva itself. People deal with enough guilt when they lose a loved one. They don’t need such onaas devarim and agmas nefesh added on. That poor daughter.

My aunt died in a coma in hospice care, and she had a gastic food tube and glucose drip in addition to the morphine. Her body organs just shut down quietly one after another and she died. She was not starved to death. She just let go, in spite of the nutrition. Her son came at random times to see her, they never knew when he would show up. Everything was always done properly. I am not saying this is the case in every hospice, though I would hope so, and the rov’s point potentially could be a valid one, but certainly not to say it in the shiva house, if this ever really happened.

I WOULD suggest that hospice care should be a topic of discussion in halacha in every Shul and every Yeshivah. It is important for people to know that they should be vigilant about the care of their loved ones, to ensure that such a thing does not happen, because it WOULD be murder, even with the best of intentions.