“I would save him. But that doesn’t explain why it has to be done.”
Because to watch someone drown when one is fully CAPABLE of saving him (and only if one is really IS capable, as we have no chiyuv to drown ourselves in order to save a drowning victim), would make one into a worthless, unfeeling, waste of a human being. It makes us better people when we do good things for others, as well as for ourselves.
“When you arrange things for someone you love, while assuming they will never become aware of what you’ve done, what is your motivation?”
The knowledge that I have done something really nice for someone and made that person’s day, is my motivation. Otherwise I am merely a self-absorbed slob.
“Would you love someone if you got absolutely nothing out of the relationship.”
I take issue with the phrase “get nothing out of the relationship.” Just by loving someone, you are getting a great deal out of the relationship. Aside from the physiological benefits to loving, the endorphins that are released, etc. it gelps us to grow emotionally and learn to be empathetic. Have I loved someone without having that love returned? Oh boy, yes! I have had feelings for one or two guys before I met my husband, who did not return my feelings. In fact, one of them never knew how I felt, as I never let on. But even when I “got nothing” out of the relationship – I got a great deal out of the relationship. I matured, I learned how to deal with rejection and unrequited feelings. I learned how to move on, after sadly coming to the realization that the relationship would go nowhere.
In life, there are lessons to be learned from EVERYTHING, even the most mundane of things (that’s possibly a reason among many reasons, why we make brachas on the mundane, along with the more obviously important aspects of life). So if all we learn is that there might be times that we emotionally invest oruselves in someone and do not get anything back in return, that LESSON is what we have gotten out of the relationship. it helps us to be less self-centered and to grow up, and to recognize that sometimes we need to move on.