Nobody is stopping the halachic process. You, however, are not understanding that what Annonymouschochom is saying is part of the halachic process.
Perhaps feivel expressed it better than I can, but you are taking the “spirit of the law”, as Rabbi Spitz phrased R’ Shlomo Zalman’s comment, out of halachah, and it belongs there, even if as lifnim mishuras hadin.
By scoffing at and/or dismissing what Rav Shlomo Zalman is saying, you don’t do halachah any justice.
While you may be correct that “how we show what we feel is defined by Halachah”, you are not correct that in hilchos aveilus, how we feel isn’t part of halachah.