Sam2-
Just to give you a little taste of the true Torah perspective, I will quote word-for-word what Reb Shlomo Zalman Auerbach ztl writes with regards to washing oneself during the Nine Days:
??? ?????? ??? ?? ?? ????, ?? ??? ???? ????? ?????? ????? ??? ?? ???? ??? ?????, ????? ??? ??? ??????? ???’, ???? ?? ?? ????? ???????? ???? ???? ????… ?????? ???? ??? ???? ?’?
He clearly says that the point of the aveilus is to feel the pain, not merely not to have simcha.