Aries: Ultimately I think it boils down to whether someone who is owed gratitude can expect or request that it be shown in a specific manner and more importantly, should they let that preference be known and can they be upset or even mildly annoyed if a different form of gratitude is shown.
I still don’t understand what “but we might choose to compensate the parents less for being less than generous in return.” means either. To me it still sounds as if there is a payment being made for a name being given to a child. Worse, it sounds like a game of tit for tat parents or grandparents are playing with their children and grandchildren.